


The Open Door

by Phoenix2013



Category: Glee
Genre: Deaf Character, Drama & Romance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Out With A Bang Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix2013/pseuds/Phoenix2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "A Door in the Wall".</p><p>What if your plan for life changes in an instant and the consequences seem too hard to bear? But then what if people re-enter your life making things easier to cope with, giving you the strength to live again? What if you realize that life, despite the difficulties, is still worth living? And what if true love finally finds you and allows you to start living your new dreams? Rachel and Quinn have answers to some of life's questions, but still have others to find. The one answer they live by, is never give up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 - Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Glee or the original characters. 
> 
> This story is a sequel to my previously posted “A Door in the Wall”.  
> Even though it might not be totally necessary to read the prequel to this story, it will give you a better and more detailed understanding of what happened, how Quinn and Rachel became a couple, how they are coping and what kind of obstacles they, their friends and families had and still have to overcome. 
> 
> AU: The story plays in the near future and some references to the past might not completely coincide with the actual series, as parts of the prequel were written before the 4th, 5th and 6th season had aired.  
> Graphic violence is only hinted at at one point in a chapter. Nothing actually happens. 
> 
> A million thanks to my beta reader Oracleismyname. She sparked some ideas and made sure that not too many mistakes are left. If there are, it’s entirely my fault. Apologies if words run into each other and the space between is missing. Somehow the formatting of the whole story has been scrambled after uploading it here and I had to correct everything by hand again here on site. I might have overlooked some mistakes. 
> 
> This is for Kerry, who equals - if not surpasses - my Rachel Berry in tenacity, willingness to fight and strength.

**Prologue** **–** **Chapter 1**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

“Oh god, this was such a great dinner! I don't think I will ever be able to move again.”Rachel leaned back on the comfortable couch and stretched her feet out on the coffee table, balancing her wine glass on her belly with one hand.

Quinn slumped down next to her and grabbed Rachel’s free hand, placing it on her own full stomach.

“This is how it feels to be five months pregnant,” the blonde joked and the rest of their friends gathered around in the living room laughed.

Kurt sat down opposite the two ladies in a creaky lawn chair and followed Rachel’s lead by propping his feet up against the table, still chuckling.

He heard Blaine clanking with the dishes he piled into the dishwasher and Santana was whispering something to her girlfriend while they entered the living area.

Kurt had managed to keep the apartment after Rachel had moved out. He and Blaine had not gotten back together yet at that time, but their relationship had slowly been on the mend. Still, in between Kurt had a roommate from NYADA, Jake, move in for a while to be able to afford the rent.

After a difficult time of reconciliation and slowly growing together again, finally Blaine had moved into the spacious apartment two and a half years before when Jake left NYADA.

The apartment still had the lofty character from when Rachel and Kurt had first moved in. Only now the boys had separated their bed room with a glass front and sliding doors. It was a nice touch as it gave them privacy in case they had sleep over guests, but took nothing away from the openness the whole apartment had.

Blaine entered the living room and a moment of quiet ascended over the group.

“Wow, did I interrupt something?” The young man frowned and grabbed a seat from the corner, pulling it closer to the group of friends. “Shall I leave the room again so you can keep talking about me?” He joked with a grin.

Kurt pulled him down and kissed him quickly. “No, sit down silly. I guess it’s just the contented full-belly silence after a great meal with wonderful people.” His wedding ring glinted in the light as he moved his hand and Quinn smiled when the reflection caught her attention. She was happy that her two friends had found their way back to each other. This is what had given her hope during the time she and Rachel had been separated.

Blaine and Kurt’s wedding lay back almost a year now. They had married in May the year before and it had been a wonderful reception; full of joy and tears. The friends had all pitched in helping the couple to plan and organize their important event.

Hopefully she and Rachel would also have an unforgettable day. Quinn smiled and lightly squeezed Rachel’s hand who grinned back in answer. She had noticed what had captured Quinn’s eyes and was sure they both had the same thoughts.

Looking around the room Rachel could not suppress a content sigh. Just two years ago she would never have thought that she would feel this happy again being amongst her friends, old and new. But here she was enjoying the little celebration their friends had organized for Quinn and her.

Quinn and Rachel were soon having their own wedding to celebrate and Santana had suggested having a little “Do-you-remember-when” party. She claimed that it was a tradition in her large Latin American family that whenever someone got married, close friends and family were gathered to share stories about the couple.

Rachel had insisted on some censorship, not knowing with what kind of embarrassing stories her friends would come up with, but Santana had not wanted to hear any of it. To Rachel and Quinn’s relief, the evening had been funny and filled with laughter so far. No embarrassing stories; at least not yet.

Kurt had loved the idea the second he heard it and offered to host the party. He and Blaine had cooked a three course meal and Santana and her girlfriend Teresa had decorated the apartment with candles and old and new pictures from their Glee times and from gatherings after high school until the most recent times. In the background recordings from their Glee practice and competitions were playing at a low volume mixed with other songs.

When Quinn and Rachel had arrived at the decorated apartment earlier this evening, all they could do was stare in wonder at the decor and the thoughtfulness their friends had put into the preparation. The photo documentary adorned several walls and strings that were woven across the rooms with pictures attached with cloth pins. This served as great triggers for trips down memory lanes.

Lauren, a friend who Rachel had gotten to know during her birthday party in a club a year and a half earlier, and her boyfriend Max lounged on the wooden floor in the living room area on a comfortable rug with big, soft cushions under their bellies. Max stretched and placed his beer bottle on the table in front of him and then fell back onto his soft pillow.

“This is heaven. I agree with Rachel. I don't think I’ll ever move again. Guys, you’ll have me planted here on this floor for the rest of your lives,” he said to Kurt and moved his hands in sign language to relay his words to his girlfriend. Lauren had lost her hearing a few years back due to a severe infection.

Rachel followed Max’s hands and was still amazed that it was possible to have such an interactive conversation this way as if it was the most normal thing in a world. She had such wonderful and accepting friends, she marveled, while she followed the moving hands of her buddies.

“Maybe we should paint a white line around you, you know, how they do it in crime shows. This way no one will stumble over you,” Santana answered sarcastically.

“Yeah, feel free, as long as I can lie here, I’m fine,” Max grumbled from his spot on the floor, his hands moving again, after he watched Santana form her words with her hands in parallel. He was able to follow snippets of conversation being hard of hearing, but often it was exhausting and difficult for him to follow. He and Lauren had met at the school for the deaf in New York a couple of years back, shortly after Lauren had lost her hearing.

Having become a tight knit group of friends, they had all taken on learning sign language some time ago and managed it to various degrees. This way the friends with a hearing deficiency felt fully accepted and could participate in the conversations and it didn’t burden just one person to interpret all the exchanges.

“Good Lord, we are a lazy bunch,” Tom piped up from his corner on the sofa. He was the only person who was not able to sign as fluently as the others, so usually one of the group acted as the interpreter for him. “Good thing it’s a public holiday tomorrow and we have no shooting scheduled. I don’t think I could get up.”

Rachel slapped his thigh playfully before she lifted her hands to sign in parallel. “Hey, Mr. Filmmaker, what kind of attitude is that? You made me get up every single day at five in the morning or earlier when we were shooting our movie. Would serve you right to taste some of your own medicine,”she scolded her friend with a laugh.

She and Tom had gotten to know each other when they worked together in Rachel’s first Broadway musical. Her former colleague soon found out however, that his talent and interest lay more in the area of film making than stage performance.

“Do you forget, Ms Berry-soon-to-be-Ms Fabray, that I was there every morning with you? And often late in the evening going over the next scenes with you, hm?” He slapped her back.

“No doubt planning the little pranks you and the crew were playing on me.”

“There was only one, come on! And that _was_ funny,” Tom chuckled.

“Yes it was. It was nice welcome gesture,” Rachel conceded and placed her hands in her lap for a second before taking them up again to continue signing. “Though I think it was more painful for the rest of the crew than for me,” she laughed, remembering.

“It was much nicer that we were all invited to the premiere of your movie,” Santana threw in. “I loved parading in front of the photographers making them wonder who the hot sexy bitch was that accompanied the dwarf-lady and Broadway starlet up the red carpet,” she waved her hand at Rachel and Quinn.

The latter part of the comment earned the Latina a well-aimed pillow in the face from Rachel. Everyone in the room was well aware that Quinn was way more than a starlet, but knowing Santana, Quinn just snorted and rolled her eyes, then laughed out loud when she saw Rachel’s missile hit its aim.

With an “oompf”Santana plucked the pillow off her face and playfully threw it back at the offender.

“Apart from a sexy bitch parading up and down the aisles, the party after the screening of the movie was really good,”Quinn added with a grin and kissed her wife-to-be on the cheek and placed a hand shortly on the pillow that now rested on Rachel’s lap. “I’m still so very proud of you, darling. You did such a great job and I know it was not easy for you.” Quinn’s hands elegantly formed the words in parallel.

Lauren laughed when she imagined Santana mixing up the crowd of the party. “Did someone ask you for an autograph?” She asked with a grin.

The Latina shook her head. “Nah, just a couple of reporters wanted to know who I was. Bet they crunched up their brains for the rest of the night to figure that out. I told them to do their fucking homework, for God’s sake!” She threw her hands up in the air theatrically, which made them all laugh again, knowing fully well how diva-like Santana could act. The poor reporters probably were also on the receiving end of the Latina’s bitch-stare that could turn stones to dust.

Rachel smiled wistfully while she thought back to the time of the shooting. It had been a lot of work to get used to the routine of filming and to work out how taking directions and communication on set worked for her. With a lot of preparation she had managed just fine in the end, but there had been one scene that was extraordinarily difficult.

Her past and present situations came crashing down into that one scene and it had cost her a lot to keep her wits together and not give into the rising dread and desperation. With the typical sheer determination and grit that was so much part of her, Rachel finally had managed to not only push her fears and doubts aside, but also to deliver an absolutely convincing performance.

That’s what everyone told her at least. She herself, could never be a hundred percent sure. She had to rely on others to tell her.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Glee or the original characters.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 2**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

_A few months earlier._

Rachel slowly opened her eyes and looked at the alarm clock on her night stand.

Six thirty a.m..

The alarm wouldn’t ring for another hour, but thinking of the days ahead she was too nervous to go back to sleep. She turned towards the other side and felt a smile form on her lips when watching the sleeping countenance that filled her vision. Blonde locks fell across the other woman’s forehead and she wore a peaceful expression in her sleep.

Careful not to wake her, Rachel brushed the blonde strands out of Quinn’s face. She watched her for another moment, marveling again at how lucky she was to have this wonderful woman in her life to love and be loved right back.

The brunette indulged herself a moment longer in the moment before getting up.

Deciding not to deny Quinn the luxury of sleeping in, Rachel quietly slipped out of bed. Slowly she closed the bedroom door behind her and walked into the kitchen.

There she prepared some coffee and while she waited for the dark brew to be ready, she walked to the window and looked outside. Summer was almost over, fall about to roll in. The sun was already up and begged Rachel for a run in the park. The brunette decided to wait for Quinn to wake up and ask her if she wanted to join her later. Besides, she still had some work to.

Rachel leaned her forehead against the cool glass and watched the street below slowly coming to life with cars and pedestrians on their way to work. The usual flock of tourists had not arrived at this early morning hour, which left the streets to the local inhabitants. The next day she would join them again on her way to the studio where one of the last days of filming for her first movie was scheduled.

It was amazing how fast the last months had passed by, Rachel mused. She remembered how nervous she had been on her first day of filming, but it was already a thing of the past. Well, not quite, there was still some editing and post-production going on and then the film premier itself was on schedule still, but the whole physical work was almost complete. As nervous as she had been about her first day on set, as nervous Rachel was now about the reception of the movie. What would critics say? Would people be interested in watching the movie at all?

The warm and rich aroma of coffee filled her nostrils. There was something about that smell that always gave her a warm and content feeling. Rachel couldn’t quite tear herself away from the window yet. Since Quinn’s apartment was on the upper floor of the building, it had a nice view that wasn’t completely obstructed by other houses, which was rare in New York City. Thinking of her own apartment, Rachel usually enjoyed the view of her neighbor’s bedroom or kitchen. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but living in the city meant that you did not have too many choices in terms of a great view. Not unless you were very lucky or had enough money.

Quinn had been lucky to find an affordable apartment including a view. That was also why they spent most of their time there. And because it was the bigger apartment. Santana was currently living there as well and the three of them had become very close friends over the past years. This hadn’t always been the case. Even though they all had known each other in high school, at times Rachel had not gotten along at all with neither the blonde nor the Latina, to put it mildly.

But sometimes circumstances in life change and push people in directions they never would have chosen for themselves willingly. And with those changed circumstances sometimes those people changed as well or the way they looked at other people changed. Then it happened that and someone they did not get along with at all could now prove to become one of their closest allies.

With her head still leaning against the glass, Rachel smiled.

Even though she had thought all her dreams were lost, all of a sudden she found herself back on her feet again; ready to go on still being able to make that dream come true. Her friends had been the greatest help through some very rough times. She would never forget that. Especially not since it was them who had convinced her that she could still make her dreams come true. A bit differently than planned, maybe, but still close enough.

The brunette cast a last glance at the promising day and turned back to the kitchen. She took the cup from the automatic coffeemaker and plucked a script out of her bag.

Rachel took the cup with her back to the living room and plopped down on the couch. She opened the script on the page where she had last worked on. There was just one final scene to be shot.

It was still kind of unbelievable for her that she was really going to be in a movie and that she had actually been given the lead role. Even though a friend of hers directed and produced the movie, she had auditioned like everybody else. She had not wanted any favors; she wanted to be chosen because of her talent and not just because of her friendship with Tom.

While taking a sip of coffee and savoring the taste on her tongue, Rachel thought again about the first day of shooting. The whole team, including her, had all gone through the scripts beforehand, speaking about the scenes, the story line and the whole set up. She had met the team and colleagues and she had been really excited for the first shoot. But next to the joy and excitement Rachel had also felt nervous as hell. As much as she had tried to encourage herself, the same questions had circled in her mind over and over.

Would she be able to manage? Would she be able to meet expectations?

After all, she had only stage experience; she hadn’t worked with a television crew so far, except for the one or other interviews and the recording of a musical.

This movie was totally different and it had been anything but smooth sailing, especially in the beginning. It had not been easy working with her co-star and many scenes had been physically and mentally challenging for her. With steely determination and the refusal to butt in and let anybody ever steal her thunder again, she had grit her teeth and worked through the rough patches.

It was a trait that had helped a lot in her life. If she had her mind set on a goal, she would achieve it. Rachel was proud to have found her backbone and drive again. It had not been easy after the accident a year and a half ago and she still had her share of bad days. But they were getting less and she learned better how to deal with them and the situations that caused them.

Rachel focused back on the pages in front of her. This musical scene was going to be tough, she thought.

The brunette placed the half empty coffee cup on the couch table and walked over to the stereo. She flipped through the CD rack until she found the one she was looking for. Conscious of the time, she plugged the headphones in and took them with the remote back to the couch. Adjusting the volume, she put the head phones on and skipped to the required song. They would use the same recording also in the film; Tom had already secured the rights and since Rachel had been the singer and writer of that particular version, she was very familiar with all its nuances.

She made some notes on the script and when the song was finished, she pressed the repeat button. Tom had already mentioned how he wanted the scene to play out, so Rachel imagined herself in the scene delivering the lines that lay written in front of her.

Tom wanted to call her later and discuss some last details. Her first call on set would be six a.m. sharp the next morning, that meant going to bed early and getting a good night’s sleep. She had to be rested in order to be at her best, especially with that scene, which would be a huge challenge. She had already postponed dinner with her friends Lauren and Max that evening. Luckily they understood, though she had to promise them to make up for the postponed date.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

When Quinn woke up, she found the other half of her bed empty. Since it was her free day, she reveled in the luxury of not having to hurry out of bed. Stretching and sighing she waited a moment longer to give her senses the chance to wake up as well. Her nose was the first one to tell her that someone had already made coffee.

‘Yay!’ She thought to herself. The best thing when waking up was to get a nose-full of that aroma. Then her ears told her that someone was busy outside in the apartment and the blonde forced her eyes fully open to go out and investigate.

Stopping in the kitchen to help herself to coffee, she found Rachel sitting on the couch, headphones over her ears, nodding to the rhythm of the music that came from the stereo. Her feet were propped up against the coffee table in front of her. She marked a passage in the script that leaned against her legs and scribbled a comment on the rim of the page.

Quinn stood a moment leaning against the counter, watching her girlfriend over the rim of her coffee cup. She wondered if Santana, their roommate and close friend, was already up, but then remembered that this was the Latina’s day off as well. She was probably still sleeping. At the thought of sleep Quinn yawned, but was glad that she had woken up so early. At least she still had the whole day in front of her. Lots of time to do things. Like kissing her girlfriend.

The blonde took some more sips and then placed the empty cup on the counter to walk over to Rachel.

Quinn entered the brunette’s field of vision and caught her gaze.

“Hey, honey!” Rachel smiled up.

“Hey sweetie!” Quinn bent down and retrieved a kiss from Rachel’s lips. She cast a cursory glance at the papers and pointed at them.

“Rehearsing?” She asked.

“Yes. Last scene is up tomorrow,” Rachel answered with a shy smile. She reached up and slid the headphones down. The music still blasted away, Quinn could hear every word of the song.

Rachel noticed the short flicker of the blonde’s eyes to the headphones and grabbed the remote.

“Sorry. Let me turn this down.”

Quinn smiled. She plopped on the couch next to Rachel, leaning her head on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Still tired?”

Quinn nodded and Rachel felt the movement of her head rub against the fabric of her shirt.

“Did I wake you?”

Again the same movement.

“Liar” Rachel turned with an incredulous look to Quinn and laughed. No matter how much she cranked up the volume, it just couldn’t be so loud that Quinn woke up from it. Not when the music came through headphones and the bedroom door was closed.

Quinn used her index finger and lazily drew some letters on Rachel’s leg.

_Missed u in bed._

“Oh. That’s why you woke up?”

The blonde head bobbed slightly up and down again. Then Quinn pushed her lower lip out in a perfect little pout.

“Awww, come here, poor you.” Rachel chuckled and gently kissed the protruding lip.

“All better?”

“Yes!” Quinn laughed, her foot bobbing along the music she still heard coming over the headphones that hung around Rachel’s neck.

Rachel noticed the movement.

With the volume lowered, she couldn’t hear anything anymore.

She hadn’t heard anything before either when the music was louder.

The music she had listened to was only playing in her head.

The rhythm; that she could hear, or rather feel.

If she turned the volume up all the way, the beat would send vibrations through the headphones and along the bones of her scull strong enough so she could feel the rhythm.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel had lost her hearing in an accident - a truck had slammed into her cab on the way home from a photo shoot. The delicate bones and nerves in her ears had been destroyed when her head slammed sideways into the window of the car.

The months following the diagnosis and the realization that she probably would never be able to hear again had been devastating. All her dreams had been shattered. She would never be able to sing. Never be able to hear music again. Never be able to have a “normal”conversation. Never be able to hear the voices of people she loved. She would never be able to continue living her dream.

At the time the accident happened Rachel was starring in her favorite musical, Funny Girl, as Fanny Brice. Even though the schedule with eight shows a week had been grueling, it had been the best time of Rachel’s life. Despite being so young and only having graduated few years prior from NYADA she had managed to land one of the major roles on Broadway.

It had been _her_ role. She had owned it. On stage, she _was_ Fanny Brice.

And in one horrible second everything had been snatched away from her forever. All hope, all her dreams and with it almost her whole will to live. Rachel had barely hung on; just the thinnest thread of self-preservation had stopped her from taking the final step.

Somehow she had endured the endless weeks and months of depression, dread, confusion, feeling lost and without a direction. She had barely functioned. Every morning when waking up she had asked herself why she was going through another endless and senseless day.

Then, one day Quinn had appeared in front of Rachel by chance while the brunette was on her way to the community center for her sign language lesson. Rachel had almost panicked when the blonde stood in front of her all of a sudden. Not knowing how to react and not knowing what the other woman was saying to her, she had brushed Quinn off and had hurried away from the reminder of her past, a past that still held dreams and hope.

Quinn however did not let herself be pushed away. She followed Rachel and was one of the few people Rachel slowly –very slowly, started opening up to.

Rachel had learned that Quinn had already searched for her for a while, had tried to find her, had wondered why Rachel had disappeared from the public eye. It had both shocked and surprised Rachel, because the two former friends hadn’t been in contact for a long while before that fateful meeting in the street.

Years back, while they were both still studying, the blonde had cut off any contact with Rachel without any explanation. Rachel had tried to call Quinn so many times, had sent countless text messages and handwritten letters to understand what had happened and why Quinn was acting like that. One day the brunette had even shown up in person on the university’s campus to get an explanation from her friend as to why she had cut her out of her life.

They had not talked to each other that day. Quinn had watched from afar, like a coward, as Rachel waited in front of her dorm building, with a look of utter bewilderment, hurt and disappointment on her face. It had made Quinn's heart ache so much that she had to dig her nails into the tree she was hiding behind to stop herself from racing towards her former high school friend, collecting her in her arms begging for forgiveness.

Even though she knew that Rachel would have forgiven her, Quinn had not been able to bring herself to do it. Rachel would probably even have understood why Quinn had acted like that. She was of that forgiving nature, but the blond girl could not let herself give in. She knew that she would have fallen deeper than she could ever imagine. She knew that she would have just drowned in those soft brown eyes. And it would have deterred her completely off course. So she had stayed hidden until Rachel finally left, her small shoulders slouched in defeat.

Even though it had almost broken Quinn's heart as she left another one of Rachel's attempts to contact her unanswered, she could not bring herself to act differently. Otherwise she would have always stayed in Rachel's shadow, just being the friend, that could sing a little, of the soon to be Broadway star. This belief had almost blinded Quinn from recognizing her own talent. The talent that with the right training and determination had brought her to where she was now. A recognized Broadway singer with a promising career ahead.

This fear to stay in Rachel’s shadow however, hadn’t been anything that Rachel had ever insinuated; she had never even hinted at it. Quinn knew that these feelings of inadequacy were only of her own making. But there was nothing she could do against it. If she ever wanted to succeed on stage, she would have to do it on her own. Without Rachel and her incredible talent close by.

Eventually Rachel’s calls had gotten less frequent and so had the text messages. Until one day they had stopped completely.

Quinn had almost been relieved.

Trying to focus on her own career without any distraction had seemed so right at that time.

But keeping Rachel out of her life had been easier said than done. Secretly she had followed Rachel’s career, her interviews, her critics. And one particular evening Quinn had even thrown all doubts overboard and had watched her perform as Fanny Brice. She had known from the beginning that it would be a mistake to come. Even if she never planned to speak to Rachel, just seeing and hearing her on that stage in the role of her life woke all the wrong feelings in Quinn again. Feelings she had tried to hide for years. Not just recent years. But years reaching far back into her past, back to high school.

After leaving the theater that night, torn between giving in to her longing and contacting her friend and the knowledge that this would not end well, she was still happy for Rachel to have managed to make a wonderful career and that people recognized the true talent she had.

So it had seemed so wrong all of a sudden that one day Quinn was on her way to stardom while Rachel had disappeared completely from the public eye some months later. And Quinn could not find any explanation for that. It just did not make sense. None at all.

No one could provide any details, neither where Rachel Berry went nor why nor how.

The Broadway star had disappeared completely off the radar just when her career had taken off like a rocket. Quinn had been more than alarmed. And she knew that she needed to hear that voice again, that she needed to find her.

She needed to know what happened, whatever the consequences.

It had been a coincidence, spotting Rachel on the street that day. A coincidence, which both young women were glad the universe, the gods or whomever had arranged.

No matter how doubtful Rachel had been about Quinn’s motivation in the beginning, the blonde had never stepped back from the challenge that presented Rachel’s disability after that first accidental meeting. She had not backed away, nor had ever questioned Rachel’s ability to still live a happy life. Quinn had plunged herself into sign language lessons and had tried everything to understand Rachel’s situation better.

After multiple long discussions –laboriously with pen and paper at first - Rachel began to understand Quinn’s reasons for her behavior during high school, her absence for years and why she now never wanted to part from her side again.

Both women had denied themselves their true feelings for years and both had dealt with it differently.

Meeting Quinn, being drawn from her isolation by the blonde and allowing herself to exit her self-imposed asylum and loneliness, had opened the world again for Rachel.

Slowly she had crept out of her hiding place, had allowed Quinn to learn what had happened and had vice versa learned why Quinn had stayed silent for so many years. Gradually they had come closer again.

Until finally, one night, despite all the difficulties their current lives presented, Quinn and Rachel had admitted their love for each other. For both women it had seemed as if the whole world made sense all of a sudden. Everything seemed to fall into place.

The way Quinn openly and honestly tried to learn to cope with Rachel’s disability had led Rachel to give other friends a chance as well. She found out that not all people treated her like an outsider like she expected.

Kurt had been the only person to know exactly what had happened. At first, Rachel hadn’t wanted anyone to know what the consequences of the accident had been. Her publicist had told the media that she needed time out for personal reasons. Even though Kurt had only learned from her parents that Rachel had lost her hearing. He had tried to stay in contact with her, but she had pushed him away at first. She had limited her contact with her parents and cut off any contact with anyone else.

However, Kurt had never given up on her. He had learned American Sign Language even though Rachel rebuffed all efforts to contact her. When she finally did answer one of his e-mails and met him in person, she had been more than surprised and touched to find how considerate he wasand that she could _communicate_ with him. She had missed her friend so much.

These encounters and many more little steps forward had finally led her to realize that not everything had been lost. Changed, yes. Very much so, but not completely lost.

Santana, who never failed to give her friends an honest opinion, turned into one of Rachel’s closest friends. She had been the one who had pushed Rachel beyond her self-imposed limitations. Santana had dragged Rachel to watch one of Quinn’s shows, she had convinced Rachel that she should never give up on her dreams. If singing didn’t work out any more, then she should do the closest thing. Acting was still an option.

Rachel had not always docilely taken on Santana’s advice, though. They had more than one fight were Santana always crossed over the line that others wouldn’t even come close to. It was exactly what Rachel had needed. The Latina had been the only person, besides Quinn, who didn’t wrap Rachel in cotton wool.

Quinn and Santana, plus the small circle of friends that Rachel slowly included in her life again had pushed her again and again. Never careless, but always past her own boundaries. In return, while they showed Rachel that she could still be included in the world, they tried to understand her situation. They took ASL lessons. They went to a musical with earplugs. They asked the best of themselves for her but expected nothing less of Rachel in return.

All of this had finally brought Rachel to the point where she ended up with that script on her lap starring in a movie, working on her career in the dramatic arts again. When finally, after many discussions with her friends, Tom, the director of the movie and herself, after the auditions and everything else, Rachel realized that her life was going in the right direction again.

In the movie Rachel portrayed a young women who lost her hearing. The story was very close to her own.

Tom had met her not long after her accident when Santana had dragged her to visit Quinn’s show. Tom had been offered a role in the musical and ran into Rachel and Santana behind the stage. Some days later he met Rachel again at a restaurant. After the first shock of learning about his former colleague’s accident they had worked out the logistics of how to communicate, and Tom had found it very interesting how Rachel approached her new situation. He found it inspiring and impressive how her friends and she herself always pushed beyond her limitations and how she seemed to find a way to rekindle the fire in her.

The idea about the film had formed in his head and using Rachel as a sparring partner, he had developed it further until the whole project truly came to life.

Even though Rachel had been really happy about getting the role, shooting certain scenes had not been easy. More than once the exhausting schedule paired with her disability and the fact that she had to face some things very close to her past, had not made it an easy ride. The final scene was one of the most difficult of all.

Rachel fervently wished she could actually have listened to the song that had been playing over the headphones, but this wish was fruitless and lingering on it would only cause the old pain to surface. Sometimes she could still feel the tendrils of fear and dread to sneak out, trying to get a hold of her, but over the past months she had learned to cope with it better. They had been roller-coaster kind of months, pulling her and her friends and family up and down along the ride, all of them hoping that when they ever stopped, they would still be in one piece. Luckily, with perseverance, love and patience they had all managed to grow together through the ordeal.

 


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Glee or its original characters

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Chapter 3

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A tap on her hand yanked Rachel out of her musing.

Her eyes fell back on the script on her legs, then drifted back to the woman besides her. She saw Quinn lift her hands. Just like the music, Rachel hadn’t heard the words Quinn had spoken to her a moment earlier either. She had read them from her lips.

Short sentences and single words were more or less recognizable, but Rachel still struggled with understanding longer sentences, especially if the person who spoke did not face her correctly or did not speak clearly. It was so much easier with sign language.

_How are you feeling about this scene?_ Quinn asked her girlfriend. Her hands formed the signs in quick succession.

A tentative smile appeared on Rachel’s lips. She also lifted her hands and accompanied her words with signs. A habit she had taken on, once she had managed to overcome the shyness that came with her disability. Even though she could still speak, she liked to “hear” her own words. And since she didn’t have the luxury of actually listening to her own voice, she used her hands to play back her own words. As friends and family were still learning to sign, it helped them to pick up the one or other sign as well.

“I’m nervous.”

Quinn looked into the beautiful brown eyes. Despite the difficulty the scene presented, the blonde noticed the certain sparkle that gave the whole person a certain glow. When she had first met Rachel after the accident, those eyes had been almost dead. Only with time and very slowly they seemed to have come alive again. Seeing that spark, gave Quinn a warm glow around her heart. She was so proud of Rachel.

_Anything I can help you with?_

Rachel slowly shook her head. “No. Not really.” She paused for a moment, before she continued in a low voice. “I have to sing playback to myself.” She gave a hint of a chuckle. “Never thought I’d do that in my lifetime.” She played with the corner of a script page. “Anyway, I still know the song, it shouldn’t be too difficult to stay in sync.”

Quinn pulled Rachel close and gave her a kiss on the temple before she leaned back to sign. Even though the brunette tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, Quinn knew it still was.

_Do you want me to come with you to the shoot?_

Rachel slowly shook her head. “Thanks, but you have to work tomorrow and the more people who are there, the more nervous I’ll get. Though, having a familiar face around might not be a bad idea.” She leaned her head against Quinn’s shoulder and raised her hands. _But what if I fail? What if I cannot go through this? What if – despite everything we planned for and worked out – I still can’t make this scene work?_ Rachel had signed the last part without speaking.

Quinn knew that Rachel only did this when she was upset. At the beginning, Rachel had not felt comfortable talking at all. It was weird to speak and not being able to hear herself. But her years of vocal training had at least one advantage. Despite not hearing her own voice, she was still able to modulate it very well. Even her vocal teacher she took lessons with after her accident assured her as much. Still being able to speak also made it much easier to communicate with others who were not familiar with sign language. Even if they had to write or type their answers, it was quicker when she spoke at least. So resigning herself to just using her hands, Quinn knew that the situation was tough on her girlfriend.

She pulled back her own hands. _Rachel, if anyone can make this work, then it’s you. You have proven yourself. You have succeeded in the auditions; you have worked with the producers and the cast in the preparation workshops. And I am sure that everyone knows how difficult this scene will be for you. No one will ever think you failed. She bumped her slightly with her shoulder and smiled. This is Rachel Berry we are talking about._

Quinn paused for a moment. The last bit coaxed a small smile out of the other woman.

Rachel and Tom had set-up a few unofficial meetings with the crew before the actually start of the shooting. They had tried to figure out how to best work together, as Rachel couldn’t react on acoustic cues, she needed to get mostly visual ones. Most of the crew had pitched in with their ideas and together they had found quite a good way to manage the hurdles. Rachel had also hired a professional interpreter who had already worked with her during the Tony Award show she had visited with Quinn. Quinn had been nominated at that time for best leading actress in a musical. And since this had been an important evening for the blonde, Rachel had not wanted to burden her with interpreting the whole night.

Peter, the official interpreter that Rachel’s ASL teacher had recommended, had been a great help that evening and they had worked well together. Once the deal with the movie was official, she had hired him again for the length of the project. The studio that financed the film had agreed to take over most of the costs. So, technically she was all set and good to go through that scene. Emotionally, that was a totally different story.

An idea formed in Quinn’s head. _Maybe you want to talk to Kurt about this scene?_ She tentatively suggested. It wasn’t easy for Quinn to hand over the field to Rachel’s best friend, but she understood why Rachel would possibly prefer Kurt to discuss it.

Rachel thought about it. “Yes, maybe.” She looked up into the hazel eyes. “You wouldn’t mind?” she asked cautiously.

Quinn gave Rachel a small smile. _No, it’s fine. Really._

Still Rachel knew that there was a part in Quinn that hurt not being able to help her with this.

Rachel and Kurt had shared one rare and special moment some months back, reenacting a duet from their Glee Club past. It had happened in the spur of a moment and Rachel had actually sung a couple of lines with him.

Quinn had heard Rachel sing on two other occasions, but she knew that it had cost her a lot to do it. It was still astonishing that she managed to do it as well as she did. Quinn had heard about a young Jazz singer who had lost her hearing and still continued to sing and do it really, really well. She figured that some rare talents could manage, even if they were not able to hear themselves. Speaking normally with all the usual intonations already posed difficulties to many who lost their hearing.

But Rachel had always been exceptional. So it wasn’t actually a surprise for Quinn that Rachel could still carry a tune. What surprised her was how it hit her when she heard that voice sing again. Rachel lacked the power and conviction from before, but her voice was still beautiful. So Quinn cherished the very rare moments where she had heard Rachel sing.

The blonde knew with time and lack of practice it would probably become harder and harder and her girlfriend already had a hard time believing she sounded ok in the first place. Rachel solely had her friend’s words to rely on. And being a perfectionist, not being able to sing as perfectly as she did before, she’d rather not sing at all.

It had taken Rachel a long time to tell Quinn about what had actually happened that evening with Kurt when she had sung for the first time after the accident. It was still a bit hard for the blonde that her girlfriend had shared something so precious with Kurt but hadn’t found the courage to tell her about it at first. A long talk had finally made her understand that sometimes people too close to you could not always be the best help. Rachel herself had wondered for a long time what held her back from telling Quinn.

Was she afraid Quinn would want to hear her sing? Or that she would press her to try out even more? But that wasn’t it. Quinn had never even asked her to speak before, not even in the beginning when she hadn’t known sign language yet so why would she ask her to sing? Quinn had always let Rachel pick her own pace with everything. The brunette had not been able to find a rational reason for wanting to hold back the news. Still, Rachel could not work up the courage anymore to tell Quinn what she had done in the weeks that followed. Why of all people was it the hardest to tell the person she loved the most? Maybe she was afraid of raising expectations or to disappoint Quinn for not wanting to sing for her.

Rachel knew how much Quinn loved her voice and that made it just so much harder to tell her about the singing. Because Rachel knew, she would probably not do it again. It would have been like dangling a precious gift in front of someone only to tell them that they would never receive it. Finally, in a situation where Rachel would have thought she’d least think of talking about that topic, it had spilled out of her. Quinn remembered that scene clearly. While she lazily drew some circles on Rachel thigh who had her nose buried again in her script, the blonde thought back to that day.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

That day had been the worst time of her life and the ones that followed had not been any better. They had spent Christmas in Lima one and a half years ago and had even met with the old Glee club members. This meeting had triggered a bout of depression in Rachel that neither Quinn nor her friends or family could cushion.

No one from the old club knew what had happened and when Rachel told them, it was shock for all of them. They all tried their best to include Rachel in their activities, but in the end, Rachel had realized that while they all still had their lives to go back to after the meeting, she had lost everything. That no matter how much she would learn to cope with her hearing loss, learning ASL and using other technical equipment that made her life easier, these things could never replace her hearing. She would never be able to hear, to sing, to participate in such activities again. Quinn’s profession and career did not make things easier for Rachel. It served as a constant reminder of what she couldn’t have anymore.

As everything came crashing down, Rachel broke up with the blonde and held her friends at arm’s length.

It hadn’t helped matters that a few days before, Rachel had recorded a song on a CD with Kurt’s help as a Christmas gift for Quinn. But after breaking up, Rachel had decided not to give the CD to the Blonde. Instead Rachel had asked Kurt to take it and destroy it. But her best friend had acted on his own judgment and had given Quinn the CD, feeling it had been intended for her. He knew he would break Rachel’s trust, but the gift was too precious to be destroyed.

After listening to the song Quinn had rushed to Rachel’s house to confront her about it, needing to know how Rachel had done it and why she had reacted like that during the Glee Club meeting. During the discussion, Rachel confessed about the night at Kurt’s house and the impromptu performance.

"I sang with Kurt. I sang a duet with him from Wicked the other night I visited him. It... it just happened.."

Quinn had closed her eyes, trying to control her emotions that crashed through her like giant waves. "And why didn't you tell me about it? Was there something I have done that made you doubt me? I... I just want to understand." She signed along her words.

"I don't know. Well, I did tell you that same night, but you were already half asleep and the next day you couldn't remember and... and... I just didn't have the courage to tell you again! Maybe I was just afraid that ... I don't know! It scared the hell out of me when I noticed I actually sang along to the song that was playing at Kurt's place. And it scared me like hell to notice how much I loved performing that song with him! And how much I missed it! And today with all the Glee Clubbers together, all of them cheering and singing and being happy, I realized I would never belong anymore. Never!"

Rachel had been crying and Quinn hadn't wanted anything else other than to reach out and wrap her in her arms. Instinctively Rachel had taken a step back, bringing more distance between them.

Quinn lifted her hands again to accompany her words.

"Rachel, what do you expect me to do now? I can't just leave you. And don't be angry with Kurt for giving me the CD."

Quinn pulled the slim case out of her bag and looked at it for a long moment before handing it to Rachel.

"I know you don't want me to have it, so, here!"

They hadn’t been able to resolve the issue that day or the next. They both had taken separate ways back to New York after Christmas, both with a broken heart.

Only weeks later they had managed to face each other again to discuss what had happened. And during one of these discussions, the topic about singing came up again.

_I never asked you and I never would have asked you to sing for me. Why were you afraid to tell me that you sang with Kurt? I know you told me that you were afraid, but I never really understood why…_

Rachel searched for the right words to explain. The problem was that she was not sure herself what had held her back all the time and why it had been easier to even tell Santana, but not her girlfriend. She looked out of the window for a moment before lifting her hands again.

"I remember your voice, Quinn," she started softly. "I have always loved your voice. Even more so after I heard how you had developed. You're voice still had that silkiness, but there was more power to it. It was sooooo…" She rubbed the fingers of her right hand in search of the right description… "It was velvety and soft, like meringue. At first it has a distinguished shape which is strong and clear, but as soon as you place it on your tongue, it gets creamy and soft and then just melts and leaves this wonderful sweet taste in your mouth. This is how I felt when I heard you sing."

Quinn drew her eyebrows together and tried to fight back the tears.

"I felt like my heart would melt, when I listened to you." She smiled at the slightly red color that rose on Quinn's face. "Now that you're on Broadway, you are one of the best performers out there. You wrap your audience around your little finger. People are fascinated by you. I felt it, it was tangible in the whole atmosphere in the theater and the concert hall. I watched the people around me… You were just perfect on that stage."

Quinn shook her head and mouthed a vehement Noooooo….

"Yes, you are. I know that my voice was one of the best ones out there, but now I'm not perfect anymore and that makes it so hard for me sing in your presence. It makes me feel like I look up to my idol and will never be able reach the same level as her." Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know it sounds stupid, but … it feels for me like I will never be able to live up to your expectations anymore when it comes to singing."

Quinn took a deep breath. _Rachel now that you're deaf it doesn't mean that it diminishes all your achievements from before your accident. I still admire your talent, because this song that you sang for me… I know so many people who can sing and can hear who will never be able to sing it the way you did! It was just perfect and priceless! But I understand – sort of – why you did not want to do it in front of me, even though it still hurts,_ she finished with a sad look on her face.

Rachel rubbed her hand across her forehead and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, she reached out and gently wiped a tear away from Quinn's cheek, feeling her own eyes burning. "I'm just afraid that if I sing in front of you, one day you'll tell me that I'm way off and that you'd rather not listened to me anymore. I mean, not that I feel much like singing anyway, but…" It was hard to explain the fear of being rejected at what she once used to do best in her life.

Quinn shook her head. _Rachel, I don't want to put you under pressure, I accept whatever you feel comfortable with. I just wanted to let you know what I thought and felt when I listened to your song. And if you ever feel you want to sing again just do it, if you don't then this is what you choose to do and it is fine._

"Okay." Rachel had answered with a small voice. "Thank you for understanding."

~~ ~~~ ~~~

Quinn remembered only too well this conversation and that was what had made her suggest Kurt to accompany Rachel. Or at least discuss the scene with him.

Rachel seemed to ponder her idea and Quinn stood up from the couch to prepare something to eat and have a second cup of coffee while she left her girlfriend to brood some more over her script. After the two of them had an early breakfast, Rachel grabbed her phone and sent a message to Kurt.

_Hey handsome!_  
_Do you happen to have some time today for your best friend?_  
_I’d like your opinion on a scene we are going to shoot tomorrow._  
_Rachel_

A minute later her phone buzzed.

_I’ll be free around lunch time._  
_My place or yours?_  
_Handsome :-)_

_Mine. I convinced Quinn to go and have lunch with Jenna._  
_Santana is at her girlfriend’s place it seems,_  
_so we have the place to ourselves._  
_(Jesus, this sounds like we are having a secret affair, haha)._

Rachel sent the message off and waited for the reply which came within half a minute.

_Mmmmhm. Looking forward to what_  
_surely will be an interesting lunch date._  
_(I’m wiggling my eyebrows expectantly)._  
_K._

The petite woman laughed and when Quinn looked up, she explained the exchange.

_Jesus, I knew there was a reason why you wanted me out of the house,_ Quinn signed.

“Yes. Now it’s out.”

Quinn snorted. _Good thing I know for a fact that Kurt is gay._

“Yeah well, there is that,” Rachel added with a laugh.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Quinn left around noon to meet her friend at a local restaurant.

Sitting on the couch, going through the scene once more, Rachel noticed a light flashing out of the corner of her eye. She looked up and saw that someone was at the door.

Quinn had the light installed some time ago so Rachel would notice if someone rang the doorbell.

“Hey Kurt!” she greeted her visitor and gave him a hug.

_Hi Rachel, are you alone?_ He asked with his hands, wiggling his eyebrow in a naughty way.

The brunette started laughing and nodded. “Yes, come in before the neighbors see you and start with the rumors,” she teased her best friend and pulled him inside to close the door.

Then she walked towards the kitchen. “Coffee?”

_Yes please! I’m desperate for some caffeine._ He plopped on a stool in front of the counter and watched Rachel prepare the beverage.

“Why, what’s up? Not enough sleep?” Rachel plucked a fresh mug from the shelf and turned around again, to see Kurt answer with his hands.

_No, Blaine and I…._

Rachel interrupted him hastily. “Too much information, too much information,” and she waved her hands defensively in front of her.

Kurt grinned. _Don’t worry. I was going to say that we had a nice long TALK –_ he spelled the word letter by letter to give it emphasis – _about his new play._

“Oh. Has he still not decided whether he is going to do it?”

She placed the mug under the coffee maker and pressed a button. The appliance came to live, freshly grinding the beans. Having her hand placed on the counter beside it, Rachel felt the vibrations of the machine, even though she couldn’t hear the noise. She kept her eyes on Kurt not to miss any of his signs.

_No, he doesn’t want to go on tour, and I don’t want him to go either. But it would be such a great chance, the play is very good and it would give him great exposure. On the other hand I also understand that he wants to work on his songs, getting those ready for recording._

Rachel prepared the second coffee, and then turned back while the dark liquid filled the mug. “Can’t he do both? I mean, you have a small recording studio in your apartment, so it would not be such a hassle to get the songs recorded.” Rachel observed.

After she had moved out of their shared place, Kurt had converted her former “room” into a small studio. Well, I can do some things, but it would be better to get some time in a real studio. Kurt took a sip of the coffee that Rachel had placed in front of him. When he was sure he had her attention, he lifted his hands again.

_So, what’s up?_

Rachel took a deep breath and rubbed her finger along the rim of her cup, before she looked up again. Kurt had tilted his head, watching his friend patiently. He had a feeling what this was about, especially if she didn’t want to have anyone else around, but he gave her the time she needed. If he was right, he knew it wouldn’t be easy to share. Finally Rachel seemed to find her voice.

“You know, tomorrow, this one scene is coming up where I have to sing. I mean, not literally. It’s that scene where my character is still being able to hear, giving a performance.” She paused for another moment. “For the final movie they will use one of my recordings. So I just have to lip synch myself tomorrow. It’s just….”

Her voice trailed off and she looked at her hands that started to play again with her cup. Kurt reached across the counter and gently took one of Rachel’s hands, squeezing it slightly. It was a small gesture of reassurance. She gave him a quick smile before she continued.

“It feels weird doing this, you know? And it still hurts. I thought I had somehow worked through all this pain, but now… I don’t think I can do this. It was what I knew how to do best. Now I don’t even know how my voice sounds - sounded.” Rachel felt the sting of tears. Biting her lip she swallowed hard, willing the tears back.

She had talked to Tom about that scene and they had pushed it deliberately to the end of the shooting to give Rachel time to adjust to the schedule and to the routine, to find her way. She knew it would not be easy, but she hadn’t expected that it would hit her quite this hard. Singing and music had been her life, had been everything that defined her. And while she tried to find her way in this new silent world, she still had setbacks. It was normal, she knew, and she would keep having them over the next years, but that knowledge did not make them any less hurtful.

Shooting that particular scene was like placing a burned hand back in the fire. Kurt got up and walked around the counter to hug his friend. After a moment Rachel pulled back and wiped her eyes and smiled crookedly.

“Sorry, one of those moments.”

Kurt looked at her and gave her arms a short squeeze before pulling back to sign. _Don’t apologize. This is more than understandable. But let’s think on how we get you through this tomorrow. Do you want me to come with you?_

Rachel kneaded her lip with her fingers. She looked up from under her dark lashes and gave a short, shy smile. “I think I’d like that,” she whispered.

_Ok, I have to be at the theater at five in the afternoon, so I can come with you first thing in the morning and stay until about four. Would that help?_

Rachel nodded. “Thank you.”

_Don’t thank me, Rachel, that’s what friends are for. Now, how about you show me the scene and then we practice together?_

Rachel nodded again. That’s what she loved about Kurt. He understood her completely and was always practical about such things. Together they listened to the song and read through the script. Kurt listened to it first at normal volume, then Rachel put the headphones on again and her friend heard the song blast through the little speakers.

The brunette told him how Tom imagined the scene and Kurt reminded her that she had sung the song years ago at one of the competitions. It was one of the original songs they had performed when all other songs they had suggested had been banned.

Rachel chuckled. “Get it right – that fits so much to this moment. I have to get it right.”

Kurt grinned. _You will. Come on, get up. Tomorrow, I guess, you won’t be able to wear headphones while shooting the scene. So let’s practice getting the cues. Will they use this version?_ He asked, pointing at the headphones.

“Yes. But they will lay the original song over my performance anyway, even if I don’t get every cue right, they can re-edit that later.” Rachel objected lamely.

_But Rachel, it’s not like you to give only a half performance._ Kurt looked at her imploringly.

She sighed. “Yes.” Rachel paused a moment. “Guess I’m just stalling. There’ll be a full blown orchestra as well tomorrow,” she then added quietly.

“Okaaaayyyy,” Kurt drew out the word, then signed again. _All right, I’ll start the song and I’ll give you a sign, like a conductor, when the lyrics begin. Let’s practice that. Then you can try to sing along – lip synch – I mean and we’ll see how it goes. I’ll let you know about any other orchestral intermezzo, if you shouldn’t remember, but I don’t think that will be a problem. Ok?_

Rachel nodded. “’kay.”

She tried to not think about how weird this whole situation was. How this should so not happen this way. To clear her mind, Rachel shook her head and tried to focus on the task at hand. Kurt shortly described the orchestral intro in detail and then played the beginning several times until Rachel remembered every single note and knew exactly where her part began. Having placed the sheet music in front of them helped working out the cues.

Once she managed the hurdle of the correct beginning, it wasn’t so difficult to go through the rest of the song. However, she noticed it was damn hard to keep silent. It was as if her vocal chords had their own will and wanted to come alive again and again. Kurt seemed to notice her struggle.

_Why don’t you just try. It might make it easier. It’s just us, no one else is here to hear you._

Rachel shook her head. She was too insecure and shy to sing along. Even though her friends still told her that she could. Kurt didn’t push her further.

They practiced for a long while and worked out a way for Kurt to signal Rachel when it was her turn. She had it in her system; the visual cue was just a fall back. But it was good to have it, nevertheless. The transcription of the notes also helped fixing the song perfectly in her brain again.

At one point, Rachel closed her eyes and silently sang along. Kurt watched her and it almost seemed so real to see his friend like this. To hear her voice and see her perform, even though the voice came from a recording. He felt a pang in his chest and was glad for a moment that Rachel didn’t pay attention to him. He wanted to be helpful and constructive, not sad. But it was still hard not to reminisce in the old times and missing this part of his friend.

Rachel was lost for a short moment in the song. It played in her head and she mentally whisked herself back to that stage. In her mind she heard the music. She remembered that she had sung it for her former boyfriend Finn at that time. Or at least she had thought so. She had written the song after another of theses endless petty fights with Quinn and today she knew that ‘Get it right’ had not referred to Finn. Not in the true depth of her heart, not now and not then.

Rachel also realized that there was no real reason to leave Quinn out of this. She shared her heart with that women. They had shared so many ups and downs, fears and trying situations that all of a sudden it seemed so wrong to keep this last part from her partner. She had to get it right. With a start she opened her eyes and stopped.

_What’s wrong?_ Kurt asked alarmed.

Rachel shook her head. “Nothing, just had a revelation, sort of.” She smiled. “Anyway, can we try again from the start?”

_Sure._ He skipped the song back to the beginning.

When Quinn came home from her lunch date, they had it down to a pat.

The blonde kissed her girlfriend. _You’re all set or do you need more time?_ She asked with a concerned look.

Rachel nodded. “All set. We worked out a routine and I practiced, remembering the song and every single note.”

Quinn gave her a genuine smile. _Oh good! I’m glad._ She tried to push the slight feeling of jealousy away. _So, how do you feel about tomorrow?_

“Good, actually. Kurt has agreed to come along, we worked out pretty good cue system. But…” She dropped her gaze and fiddled with her hands in her lap, before she looked up again. “But I think I’d still like you to come along,” she breathed out and shot Quinn a hopeful look. “I think I need you there. I’m not sure I can do this alone.”

“Hey”! Kurt gave a mock look of offence.

Rachel chuckled. “Sorry, Kurt, I know I’m not alone if you are with me, but you know what I mean. It’s just that… that I need Quinn there as well.”

She reached out and squeezed the blonde’s hand.

_Rachel it’s ok, I understand and were the situation the other way round, I’d want Blaine with me as well._

Rachel looked at Quinn. “I know I hurt you this morning when I told you that I didn’t want you to come. But truth is, I need you there with me. I want you with me.”

Quinn looked at her for a moment, wondering about the change of mind.

_Are you sure?_ She raised her eyebrows in question.

Her girlfriend took a deep breath, noticing that she needed to explain a little more. Kurt excused himself for a moment and ventured in the direction of the bathroom.

Rachel stepped closer to Quinn and took her hands. “While I was practicing this scene with Kurt, I realized that this fear of never measuring up to you is nothing that you ever initiated. It all came from myself. From my inner belief not to be good enough, never being able to be good enough anymore. I mean, yes, now I never will and that is a fact. But whether I fear it or not doesn’t change that fact. And you have never been anything but understanding, giving me the room I needed to work it all out, even though it hurt you not being able to support me in this particular situation. Soooo….” Rachel let out a deep breath. “If you like, we can tell you the set-up.”

The blonde felt a warmth spread through her chest when she realized that Rachel truly wanted her there, needed her support. Quinn on the other hand wanted to come along and take part in that important time of her girlfriend’s life. She didn’t want to miss bit. But if Rachel had insisted for whatever reason, then Quinn would have stayed away. That Rachel had a change of heart, made Quinn very happy. She tilted her head slightly and a small smile spread across her lips before she signed:

_I would like that very much._

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The next morning was an early start for all three of them. Tom held a short briefing before they rehearsed the scene in a couple of dry runs.

Rachel was very nervous, especially when around noon the orchestra members came to prepare for the shooting. The first time Rachel missed her cue, she was so focused on the vibrations the whole orchestra caused, sending it through the stage floor up her feet through her whole body. It took her a while to sort out the different instruments visually and match them against the music she had in her head.

Quinn noticed the difficulty and gently suggested that Rachel should stand next to the conductor to help her understand the arrangement better.

The elderly man, Quinn new his name was Norman Wells and she judged him to be in his late fifties, was very patient and explained the composition to Rachel while Peter interpreted. If it seemed weird to Norman to explain a musical arrangement to a deaf person, he didn’t let on. Apparently he had been briefed thoroughly.

After verbally going through the sheet music, the orchestra played the beginning a few times, so Rachel was able to better distinguish the different vibrations she felt and get additional visual cues from the instruments when they set in. The conductor had pointed out the various leading instruments and musicians and again while they were playing. Kurt also listened with rapt attention, but after a short discussion amongst the three, they agreed that Rachel would get the cues from Norman. He was very clear and precise in his instructions which eased the brunette’s nervousness considerably.

Before she stepped on stage to take her position for a full dry run, he gave her an encouraging smile. Tom held his thumb up from his position in the director chair. He was glad that he had taken the time to explain to Norman the whole set up of the movie and the last scene as well as Rachel’s handicap. The older man had been surprised at the beginning, to say the least, but after giving it some thoughts had warmed to the challenge. Unfortunately time had not allowed for him to have a briefing meeting as well with Rachel, but he’d given the whole process some thought and if Quinn had not suggested for Rachel to come stand next to him, he’d have suggested it himself.

In the end, they shot the scene various times from different angles.

Kurt and Quinn finally had to leave sometime in the afternoon to prepare for their performances, but by then Rachel had been so involved in the process that she felt she could handle the rest on her own.

They had taken a short break and in a quiet corner and Rachel pulled Quinn close. “Thank you for being here and for helping me out this morning. I was really nervous, especially with the whole orchestra being present.”

Quinn gently brushed a hand through Rachel’s hair. _You’re welcome. She gave her a short kiss. I’m proud of you. Really. No one will ever see or know the difference when watching this scene._

Rachel gave her a thin smile. “ _I_ will know the difference.”

The blonde tilted her girlfriends head up. _Yes. We know it. But what counts is that you have proven to be talented and willing to tackle every challenge that might be thrown into your path as an actor. Believe me, this whole movie is challenging from every angle, it would have been even for a hearing actress._

Rachel saw the passion for her cause sparkle in Quinn’s eyes. She appreciated her opinion not only as her girlfriend, but as an actress, too. _To start your career with such a demanding project, Rachel, shows what stuff you are made off._ The blonde softened her gaze. _We can’t go back. As hard as it still is on some days, we always have to move forward. And this -_ , she waved her hand at the set, _-is a huge leap forward._

Rachel stepped closer and wrapped her arms around the other woman.

“I know. Thanks for the prep talk,” she then said smiling. Stepping back, she also lifted her hands to accompany her own words with signs. “I don’t know when we will wrap tonight. But if it’s not too late, care for an escort home?” she batted coyly her eyelashes at Quinn which made the other woman laugh.

_Yes, I’d very much care for that,_ Quinn answered still grinning. _If I don’t see you at the theater, I’ll wait in bed for you,_ she added wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Rachel laughed out loud, a sound Quinn never ceased wanting to hear.

“Insatiable women!”

An orange light started flashing close by, indicating the end of the break and for all involved parties to get back to their station.

“Have a good show tonight!”

_Thank you for letting me be a part of this with you._ Rachel gave Quinn a tight hug in answer.

Kurt had waited nearby and came closer after she let go of Quinn to give Rachel a quick hug good-bye as well.

“Thank you, Kurt, thank you for all your help!” She squeezed him tightly.

_Turns out that you had other great support,_ he nodded in Norman’s direction.

“I know, but since we didn’t have time to meet before, I had no idea how this would work out and I’d rather be prepared for all eventualities. Especially… in this situation.” She waved with her left hand at her ear.

_This,_ Kurt pointed at the set stage, to indicate the scene, _will look perfect on screen._ He looked back at the stage. _Think they are waiting for you._

Rachel looked as well and gave Kurt another short hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered before she turned and walked back to her position.

Kurt knew that in that ‘thank you’ vibrated so much more than just the gratefulness for the last two days. He was happy that they had become such close friends again. Happy, that the whole group of old and new friends had grown close(er) again. With a smile, he hooked his arm through Quinn’s while they left the theater.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Glee or its original characters.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 4**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel zoomed back into the present –or rather, Quinn’s elbow connecting with her ribs brought her back to the present.

“What?”

Not being able to hear, Rachel noticed, made it sometimes easier to mentally withdraw herself from a situation. Not that it happened willingly this time, she’d just let herself be distracted by her own thoughts and with no acoustic input or interruption, it was easier to “get lost”, if she didn’t keep her eyes on the group of people around her.

_Where have you been the last couple of minutes?_ The blonde asked with her hands.

“Oh, just…reminiscing about the past, I guess,” Rachel smiled. “Just thought about the final scene we shot,” she added and squeezed Quinn’s hand slightly after she finished signing.

Quinn waved at the group of friends. _They are craving for your attention._

Rachel looked at the expectant faces of Lauren and Max.

“Sorry, got carried away.”

Lauren sat up and looked at Rachel. _C_ _’_ _mon, do tell us about the prank Tom mentioned,_ she requested by signing.

The brunette rolled her eyes. “You’ve heard it a hundred times already.” She commented with her hands in parallel.

“I haven’t,” Max piped up from his spot on the floor, his hands raised into the air.

Their whole conversations were conducted this way. Those friends, who knew how to sign well, always did it in parallel or helped out for those who were not as firm in signing as the rest yet. But everyone was very patient with the beginners. Tom had learned a few things while working with Rachel, but since Peter was present almost all the time during the filming, it was easier and quicker for him to interpret. Still, Rachel was grateful and happy about every try and every sign someone addressed to her.

Santana caught her attention with a little peanut that came flying her way and hit her on the arm.

“Gee, Santana, stop throwing things at me. Can’t you get my attention just like everybody else?” Rachel asked slightly annoyed.

The Latina shook her head. “Nah, that would be just too boring. Come on, Berry, tell the story about the prank on set already. Or wait, maybe Tom should do it! He was part of the evil doers,” the Latina smirked and wagged her finger at him.

Quinn grinned while Rachel threw her hands over her face and groaned. Then Quinn pulled the brunette’s hands away so she would see her hands.

“Face it honey, it happens to everyone. And it’s not like you didn’t know it from your previous Broadway experiences. Artistic people are always playing pranks.”

“Ugh, yeah true. Once they poured vodka into a glass instead of water and when I took a sip on stage I almost had a coughing fit. But I had to keep singing.” Rachel laughed, remembering. “My partner later asked me, why I was sweating like a pig during that scene.”

They all had to laugh. “Did you find out who the culprit was?” Lauren asked, signing and speaking.

“I just knew from the look on my partner’s face who exchanged the drinks.”

“Did you take revenge?” Teresa, Santana’s girlfriend asked excitedly and Kurt interpreted, because Santana was busy pouring some more wine for her friends.

“Yes I did. I poured the tiniest bit of itching powder on the costume he had to wear during the last scene. Really, it was just on a very, very small part of the clothing, but after the last scene he practically ran from stage and started scratching like a dog. He missed the first curtain call and through the rest he squirmed all the way.” Rachel laughed again at the memory. She hoped that little story would distract them from the trick they played on her during filming. It wasn’t that it had been embarrassing for her, not necessarily, but it had involved a huge, not so very nice picture of her, a lot of squirming and some very bad singing –which luckily she had been oblivious of.

“Did your partner ever talk to you again?” Kurt asked after he had recovered a bit from laughing.

Quinn grinned a knowing smile. “Oh yeah, he did. So much in fact that he talked Rachel into making a movie with him.” She threw her thumb in Tom’s direction.

“No!” Lauren exclaimed.

“Yes!” Tom laughed. “Oh, yes.” Then he leaned forward and rubbed his hands together with glee.

“If Rachel is not keen on telling the story, I’m very happy to do it!”

Rachel sighed and gave a weak wave in defeat in his direction after she saw Quinn’s translation.

“Ok.” He looked around and Kurt nodded to signal that he would interpret for him.

“This was about two weeks after we started shooting. On that day we were working on a particular scene where Rachel’s character had to have a conversation - still as a hearing person -with a friend. The problem was that she didn’t see the person she was talking to and we had to work out how to give the conversation the right flow.”

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

“Cut!” Tom got up from his chair and walked over to the set where Rachel and her acting partner were currently positioned. Rachel had noted the flash of the light and turned around.

 Peter, the interpreter, followed Tom and placed himself next to him. This way Rachel would have the person who spoke in her line of vision as well as Peter’s interpretation.

 Tom always looked directly at Rachel when he spoke with her, which she greatly appreciated. This way she was also able to read his lips while seeing the signs out of the corner of her eye.

 “Rachel, your interruption of Matt’s comment always comes a bit too late. The conversation starts to sound unnatural then.” He thought for a moment. “We need to find a way to get your action on the point.” He tapped his chin with his finger.

 Rachel bit her lip. “The problem is that I have no idea when Matt is saying something. I have the dialogue in my head, but I need a visual cue. I have my back turned towards him, because I’m preparing dinner and he sits behind me on the other side of the counter. I don’t know exactly when he says the cue word where I have to interrupt him.” Rachel turned towards the director.

 In other scenes she could read her acting partner’s lips or see a certain movement which also served as a cue. Sometimes Peter would stand as close as possible to the other person without appearing in the picture, interpreting in parallel. But in that scene neither was possible.

 Having a “normal” conversation without being able to see the person was much like asking a person to walk on a white line with their eyes closed – without her being able to feel a different texture in the ground or have any other guiding support.

 Rachel felt frustrated and had the feeling that Matt started to get a bit impatient. She could understand him a little. How hard can it be to have that stupid little conversation and not mess it up? They had practiced it in several dry runs before, but somehow, as soon as they were on the set, either Matt would change the pace of his part of the conversation or Rachel would inadvertently change the speed of her physical action, which also brought her out of synch with the conversation.

 “Would it help if someone stood sideways to you with a little flashlight? We could quickly turn it on and off. You think you could see that out of the corner of your eye? We just have to make sure that it’s not seen on screen.”

 Rachel shook her head once Peter had finished signing. “No, I don’t think that would help me to be precise enough.” She narrowed her eyes and looked at Tom.

 “What?” He asked.

 “I have a little device that translates spoken words into written text. I also have this kind of software on my phone if someone leaves a voice message. If I place the device in front of me, I could see what Matt says. Maybe it will work quickly enough. I don’t necessarily need to read the whole sentence, it’s enough to just see it and know that my part is up. You know what I mean?”

 Tom nodded. “Does it only display whole sentences or does it start relaying the text _while_ someone is still speaking?”

 “Usually it starts displaying the text very close to the spoken word, so almost in parallel,” Rachel answered. “There is maybe a two or three second delay. But if I see him mentioning my name, then this could fit if I interrupt him then instead of waiting until I see his whole part displayed. With the slight delay this might just be the right moment for me to speak up.”

 “Does the thing pick up my voice from the other side of the counter, if I’m sitting here and you are standing over there at the stove?” Matt asked sensibly.

 Rachel shrugged. “Good point. I don’t know. Let’s try.”

 “Shawn!” Tom called one of his technicians over and explained the problem. “If Matt is too far away, can we enhance the reception of this thing somehow?” He held out the device that Rachel had retrieved from her bag.

 Shawn turned the the small piece of equipment over once or twice and then nodded. “Yeah, might work. I can add a better microphone via this little connection jack.”He pointed with his finger at the spot he meant. “I think that is what it is actually made for. It also has a microphone sign right next to it. Guess it has already been designed for places that need a stronger reception or wider range because of background noises or distance.”

 Rachel’s eyes flicked between Peter and Shawn back and forth to understand the explanation.

 “Oh.” Rachel looked more closely at the electronic translator. “I actually forgot. I hardly use that thing,”she shrugged apologetically.

 “Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.” The young technician quickly walked towards his gear trunk. He came back a couple of minutes later and they found a spot where to place it so Rachel could actually see it, but the device did not appear on screen too prominently. After running a couple of test runs, it worked out to Tom’s satisfaction and Rachel’s comment came on cue, giving the conversation a natural flow.

 “Yes, that works, let’s get this on celluloid guys.” Tom waved his crew back on their positions and soon they had the scene completed.

 After that Rachel was scheduled for a break and she was happy to have two hours to relax. The days before had been long and exhaustive, and she still needed to do quite a lot of organizating to deal with certain situations. Even though they had discussed many things beforehand with her and the crew and how to handle things, often something came up they hadn’t anticipated before.

 None of the crew had worked with a deaf actress, who at times was portraying a hearing person before. It was a challenge for all of them, but whenever they got stuck, everyone pitched in with ideas to find a workable solution.

 After wrapping up that scene, Rachel walked towards her trailer and reached for the door handle. When she touched it, she felt a short vibration and snatched her hand back. What the hell? She turned and looked around, but there was nobody near, there was no construction going on close by so what had caused this vibration?

 After casting a suspicious look across the front of the trailer, she shrugged and cautiously reached for the door again. She pulled it open and stepped back quickly. In the same instant she made the step back, the sickening feeling in her stomach intensified and a fraction of a second later, a big banner rolled down in front of her. Rachel thought her heart stopped for a moment. She felt a squeak escape her and she clamped her right hand over her mouth.

Then her eyes landed on the writing.

_GOTCHA!_

Below the word was a hand that pointed at her. It reminded her of the hand on the old army advertising “We want you”.

Her eyes dropped lower. Below the hand was another description:

_(There is currently a rendered version of_ _“_ _Rain on my parade_ _”_ _playing at full volume sung by Matt)_

And there was a photo-shopped picture of her holding her ears and scrunching up her face in disgust. She exhaled when the first shock ebbed away and ran her hand across her forehead.

A couple of days ago she had a conversation with Matt about that song exactly and which female artist had sung the best version. Matt had kept on insisting that no one sang it better than him. Even though Rachel didn’t know if Matt could really sing, she doubted that his version was any close to‘good’. She had teased him about it and Matt kept on insisting until the playful conversation ended up in Rachel pointedly sticking her ears in fingers, singing “Lalalala I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you.”

After the adrenalin ebbed away, the brunette let out a long breath and felt a smile form on her lips. She placed a hand on the door and felt it vibrate against her skin. ‘It must have come from the music,’ she mused, shaking her head slightly. The back of her neck started tingling and she turned around, finding most of her cast mates and crew standing around, laughing. Then her forehead started itching and absentmindedly she started to rub it. After a moment it dawned on her. She lowered her hand and smelled it.

_‘Oh no. He didn’t!’_ She thought. But denial was not an option. After inspecting the door handle Rachel had confirmation. Someone had dusted it with itching powder.

The skin started tickling again and despite herself she had to laugh. “You creeps! Where have you all been hiding?” She looked around and glanced at grinning faces. “Yeah, all right! You got me!” She stated still laughing and rubbing her forehead. “And I know whom I have to thank for itching powder,”she grumbled playfully in Tom direction.

Someone shouted something at her and Peter stepped forward interpreting.

_Busted! We told you we_ _’_ _d get you with the worst imaginable scenario! Be happy you can_ _’_ _t actually hear it!_

“Haha, veeeery funny. There is at least a good part I can _feel_. Wait for my revenge!” With that, Rachel plastered an evil grin on her face and glared at her colleagues. With the itching powder still sticking to her hand, and Rachel forgetting not to touch any of her bare skin with it, she soon started squirming and wiggling around, when she spread the evil stuff across her bare right arm as well.

“Uuuuuh, this is hell,” she whined under her breath and immediately wanted to bite her tongue.

_You look like you_ _’_ _re doing a devils dance up there. Need some help getting it washed off?_ Tom ask politely, wiggling his eyebrows.

Rachel just threw her hands in the air with an “Ugh!”, forcing herself not to scratch anymore and spread the damn stuff further on her skin.

Secretly she was still laughing about the little prank. She had heard before that it was common to play tricks on each other on set. It was also a kind of “welcome to the team” ritual. They did the same on stage productions. Give you the wrong dress, messing up his lines or whatever.

It was also nice to know that they didn’t treat her differently and playing that prank proved that the team accepted her as equal in their middle. It made Rachel’s heart warm. And secretly she had been waiting for the itching powder revenge from Tom, even though she had hoped he had forgotten about it.

The only person who was missing was her co-star, Rachel noticed.

She looked at Peter and threw a thumb over her shoulder, pointing at her trailer. “Is that really Matt singing?” She asked.

He made a face and nodded. _Yes!_ _For god_ _’_ _s sake, will you turn it off already? This is torture!_

“Actually I should invite the crew into my trailer to enjoy the music a little longer,” she said with an evil grin.

She raised her voice, feeling the vibrations grow stronger in her throat. This was the only way she could tell that she was speaking louder than normal. “Why don’t you come all inside? And can someone get Matt please? I’m sure he must be proud that everyone can enjoy his beautiful version of that song!”

All of a sudden a burst of activity ran through the congregated group. Partly reading their lips, partly guessing from their body language and gestures Rachel figured that they all had sudden excuses why they needed to get back to their posts urgently.

“Traitors!” Rachel shouted at the backs of the crew. Tom grinned over his shoulder and waved, before ducking into the next building.

With her foot she carefully nudged the door open and disappeared into her trailer to wash the offending powder off.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

“Little did we know that Rachel’s revenge would hit all of us,” Tom groaned and leaned back in his seat. “She bribed the facility manager to crank up the heat during one of the shoots while she wasn’t on set. The guy claimed that it wasn’t his fault and that he was doing his best to repair the heating system. Usually it is hot enough on set due to all the lightning and the electronic equipment, but this turned the whole sound stage into a sauna. Only when Miss Fresh and Shine waltzed into the room, looking as cool as ever, was Raymond all of a sudden able to find the ‘fault’and the cooling system came back on.”

Max laughed. “I didn’t know you had such a mean streak.”

Rachel grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, a diva’s gotta do, what a diva’s gotta do!”

Then she got up in a fluid motion, threw her back hair over her shoulder and sailed towards the bathroom.

Santana snorted at her friend’s theatrical departure. She was happy that Rachel had found her groove again. Even though she wasn’t one to easily let others into her world, Santana had suffered over Rachel’s misfortune. It had hit her hard when she first had learned about what had happened. But she had known, that no matter what, she needed to help Rachel get back her bearings. Seeing her now, having worked so hard during the past two years to get her life back on track, made her very proud of Rachel and very glad to count her as a friend.

Over the course of the past years, she had come to value Rachel’s opinion on more than one topic and often she had a wise word or two for Santana when the Latina was stuck. This didn’t happen often and only with very few people, but with Rachel Santana shared some rare moments of truth.

The Latina glanced over to Quinn who caught her gaze. They both smiled, knowing they shared the same thoughts.

Quinn lifted her wine glass and toasted in Santana’s direction.

“To friends!” She said.

“To friends _and_ family!” Santana answered, looking around the room, taking in the sight of her friends she considered family by now.


	5. 5

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 5**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

The after-dinner conversation flowed loosely around several topics for a while, from Max’s basketball team he coached at his school to Blaine’s new album and from there to Santana’s hunt for an apartment. With Rachel and Quinn getting married she wanted to give the couple some privacy. Besides, she found, it was time for a place of her own. While Rachel and Quinn insisted that Santana was welcome to stay, sometimes it did become a bit crowed in the bathroom in the morningwith four people when Teresa also stayed over. So Santana stubbornly refused the offer to stay.

“Look at it this way. If you two have a fight, one of you will always have a place to crash.”

Quinn rolled her eyes and snorted. On the one hand she understood Santana’s reasoning.She and Teresa seemed to get along really well, so it was only logical that the two women wanted a bit more privacy as well. Still, it would be hard to not have her best friend around anymore, Quinn thought. Santana had been living with her for the past two years and so far it had been a great arrangement that had served everybody well.

Quinn leaned forward and reached for the wine glass on the table. Slowly she got up and strolled along the strings with the pictures attached, casting a cursory glance at them while she passed. There was one of her with Santana during Cheerio practice back in high school. A nostalgic smile washed over her features. All of a sudden she felt a presence near her and was not surprised to hear Santana ask in a low voice:

“Do you miss the good old times?”

Quinn looked at her friend who kept staring at the picture, then she looked back at it as well, revoking the atmosphere of that particular day the photo had been taken. It had been an extra curriculum training session during a Christmas break, the blonde remembered. Sue Silvester, their coach, had insisted that everybody was getting fat over the holidays and in order to prevent that, the girls had to attend a couple of extra early morning exercises. In the picture Quinn was ordering some younger girls around wearing her Queen B face, while Santana stood in the background talking to Brittany.

Quinn chuckled. “Well, I miss some parts of it, but not everything. If you asked me if I wanted to switch my time now with my past, I’d definitely say no! Life is much better now. Not necessarily easier, but still better.”

Santana thought for a while, looking at Brittany in the photo.

“Hm. I have the same feeling. We had some great times and we learned a lot and sometimes I think that things were a bit easier then – in retrospect. But I also would not want to go back.” From Brittany on foto she glanced over to Teresa who was talking to Lauren with Kurt’s help.

“Is Jenna also coming over?” Santana then asked.

“Depends on when she gets out of the theater. She said she’d definitely try to come,” Quinn answered, following Santana’s gaze.

Jenna was close friend of Quinn’s. The blonde had been her mentor at Yale. When Santana and Jenna got to know each other, some sparks flewbetween them, but it was never enough to really burst into flames. They liked each other a lot, but they would not be more than good friends, both decided.

Santana had met Teresa at a birthday party from one of her colleagues. The Latina worked at a private company that specialized in personal trainings. Even as a Cheerio she had always enjoyed bossing the other girls around. It was not really surprising that she also loved that part of her job now where she got to kick some ass. As a personal trainer she was often hired to train some highly paid corporate VIPs and the occasional actor or actress. The only part she didn’t likeabout her job was getting up so very early in the morning, because many of her clients wanted to get their workout done before work.

But a grumpy early morning Santana could be very convincing when one of her clients thought he or she could cheat their way through an exercise. They soon learned that they’d rather risk breaking down than giving Santana a reason to raise her bitch factor.

The Latina took a step to the left and glanced at a picture that showed Quinn in the musical _Bohemiens_ while she was on tour for three months. Santana and Teresa had visited Quinn in Chicago on one weekend where the musical was scheduled for three nights. As Teresa had not seen the musical, Santana took her to see it. Together they explored the city for the rest of the weekend. Quinn had been able to make some free time and joined them on a city sightseeing tour.

The blonde stepped closer to her friend to examine the photo as well.

“Oh my,” she sighed.

“What? I thought you liked touring with your colleagues.”

“Yes, I did, but I found it so hard being separated from Rachel for such a long time. I mean, we did see each other in between, but not as often as I would have liked. I was just so glad that she then started preparing for her movie. So I knew we both would not have had much time for each other anyway, even if I had stayed.”

“Would you have stayed, if Rachel had asked you to?” Santana asked curiously.

Quinn shook her head, then sighed. “No. Yes. I don’t know. The thing is, she never did ask and she never would have. I know that she would never place herself between me and my career. So I never had to think about that. Why do you ask?”

Santana shrugged. “Just curious, that’s all.”

“Santana, you are never _just_ curious. Spill, Lopez.” The Blonde demanded and her hazel eyes bore into her friend.

“I was wondering at times how much you would give up for her. How far you would go to make her happy, regardless of what it would do to you. Don’t get me wrong, I never doubted your love for her or hers for you. I was just afraid that either one of you would have to sacrifice too much at one point.” Santana turned towards her friend. “You know, I really though at one point that you being a musical star and Rachel – with all that she had to leave behind - well, that those two worlds would clash and that you’d never find a way back tos each other. After she broke up with you that time in Lima, I really prayed that you’d somehow manage to get back together. You two kept me really sweating there for a while.”

Santana smiled slightly, but Quinn understood that this time had been quite hard for her friend as well. She cherished this moment of raw honesty and insights into the other women’s feelings. Santana could be rude and very challenging, but deep inside she really cared for her friends and would do everything to protect and help them.

Already before the time of separation Santanahad come to like Rachel and accept her as a friend. So standing between the two women, seeing her family breaking apart took quite a toll on the Latina, more that she’d ever admit. Seeing them so happy now, after all they had gone through, madeSantana really happy as well.

“Well, I’m just glad that we both had friends who helped us through this.” Quinn stated simply.

“I know Berry hated me at times for kicking her butt,” – for calling Rachel by her last name she received a slight shove from Quinn’s elbow in the side and continued with a teasing smile –“ I know _Rachel_ hated me at times for challenging her. At one point I would really have understood if she would not have been able to go through with it all, but don’t you ever tell her that! I can’t have that she thinks I’m going soft on her.” Santana laughed.

“Tell her what?” Quinn feigned ignorance with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s my girl,” Santana grinned. She grew sober again. “I’m just glad that her love for you and her determination seem to overcome a lot of obstacles. And so did yours,” she smiled and bumped Quinn’s shoulder slightly with her own.

“You played an important role in that, Santana. Don’t underestimate yourself.”

“Nah, _that_ could never happen,” Santana smirked.

They both looked at the picture again. Quinn didn’t want to remember the conversation she had with Rachel prior to her touring. She had put it off too long to tell Rachel about the offer she had received. She had known that the longer she waited, the harder it would get, but somehow she hadn’t managed to tell her other half about it.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Quinn threw an angry look over her shoulder at the seat behind her. “Oh shut up!” she mumbled through her clenched teeth. The subway rattled along its tracks and rocked them slightly in their seats.

 “What’s wrong?” Rachel read the irritated expression on Quinn’s face, even though she couldn’t quite read the words from her lips.

  _Nothing,_ Quinn signed quickly, shaking her head.

 Rachel narrowed her eyes, debating whether to probe more or to leave Quinn alone.

 “You don’t look like it’s nothing," Rachel observed.

 Quinn sighed and leaned her forehead shortly against Rachel’s shoulder before she started explaining with her hands, not bothering to speak in parallel.

  _I don’t know why it bothers me so much today, but I so fucking don’t care that this guy two rows behind us is trying to explain his wife how to get the new TV set up. I would like to smack that guy over there so he will finally stop tapping his foot. And if that girl at the other end shouts any louder into her phone, she doesn’t need it anymore because whomever she is talking to will understand her without it,_ she finished exasperated, her signing getting more and more agitated.

 Rachel had picked out the people in the crowded subway train through Quinn’s descriptions. She tried to evoke the acoustic memory of the sound level such a train ride during rush hour usually provided. She remembered the squeaky noise of the wheels on the tracks, the rattling of the wagons as they chugged together, the shrill sound of the breaks.

 Slowly she evoked the other noises as well. The low murmur of people talking, some to their seat neighbors, some to friends or family on the phone. Sometimes you could hear the music over the headphones of someone who apparently gave a damn about his hearing. Passengers where coughing, clothes wererustling while they moved or searched something in their bags.

 All in all there were a lot of noises, but Rachel could not remember that it was so loud that it set you on edge. Maybe Quinn was just tired. She’d had a couple of exhausting weeks. Or maybe she was still a bit nervous about that time when they got stuck in a subway car without lights for hours on end. Rachel new that Quinn never liked being underground, neither in a building or a train. Very often they opted for a cab if the ride was not too long and expensive. Usually the distances they crossed were within city limits and hardly put a dent in their pockets.

 “Want me to lend you my ears for a while?” Rachel asked half joking.

 Quinn had to laugh. “Yeah.” _That would be good,_ she continued with her hands. _Sorry, but right now I wish I could turn off the sound. Sometimes I feel like all these noises and people force themselves on me and I can’t do anything against it. You know, if you don’t want to see anything, you just close your eyes. But with your ears, that doesn’t work. You are constantly forced to hear. If you want to or not, if it interests you or not. It’s just so hard to_ not _listen to something._

 Quinn turned and caught the strange look on Rachel’s face. The brunette then turned and let her eyes roam again through the train, search for any potential sources of noise. It was hard to judge what could indeed be bothersome and what not without actually being able to hear it. Even after one and a half years, she still wished she could turn her ears _on_ , even if just for a moment. She was afraid of forgetting sounds, of forgetting music, voices, sounds in general. Moments like that helped her remembering. Even though the noise level was bothersome for Quinn at that moment, sharing her irritation with Rachel kept the memories alive.

 “Can you hear the girl’s music through her headphones?” She then asked Quinn, indicating with her head whom she meant.

 The blond nodded _. Yes. Another constant background noise._

 Rachel focused back on her girlfriend. Quinn was irritable the whole day already and the brunette had the feeling that something more was going that she was not telling her. Why all this rant about the noise? Rachel knew what Quinn meant about not being able to turn off the noises and voices as easily as it was with images and pictures.She was wondering why she brought it up now, but was interrupted in her train of thought by Quinn’s hands angrily moving through the air.

  _And if this bozo who just sat down opposite of us doesn’t stop playing with his damn keys, I’m going start screaming. I will. I swear!_

 Rachel’s eyes landed on the fumbling hands of the man on the other seat. She narrowed her eyes, watching him for a moment. When it was clear that he wouldn't stop playing while he looked outside the window absentmindedly, she leaned forward and politely asked the man to stop jingling with his key chain. He looked at Rachel for a second, clearly having been somewhere else with his thoughts. As he tucked the offending objects away with an apologetic smile, Rachel turned to Quinn with a slightly raised eyebrow.

_Better?_ She asked Quinn signing, earning a confused look from the man.

  _Rachel, you can't just tell people you don't know something like that!_

  _And why is that?_ Rachel asked perplexed. _It's not like you ever had a problem telling me in high school what disturbed you about me or anyone else._

_That was different,_ Quinn retorted.

 Rachel was confused as to what the real problem here was. _How was that different?_ _Maybe you were less polite, yes._

Quinn seemed to become impatient with the whole topic.

  _I knew you. That’s what made it different._

 Rachel furrowed her brow. _And because you knew me that gave you more legitimacy to insult and hurt me?_

  _I thought you had forgiven me for that._

  _Yes I have, but nevertheless I felt that way back then._ Rachel paused for a moment, collecting herself. _I don’t think that this really is about me or this dangling key chain._ _What is going on here right now, Quinn?_

  _Nothing. I just don't want to discuss this here any further._

  _Why? We're signing. Nobody understands us anyway._

 “Rachel, can we just leave it?" Quinn asked aloud with an exasperated expression.

 “Fine.” After searching Quinn’s face for a moment, Rachel turned and looked out of the window, feeling sad, confused and hurt.

 Quinn bit her cheeks in order not to start crying. She felt so bad how she had treated Rachel just now. Why on god’s earth had she reacted like that? After thinking a moment, she knew why. Rachel was right. This wasn’t about her or the noises that set her on edge.

 This whole theater and going on tour thing had completely thrown Quinn off balance. And the worst part about it was that Quinn had not told Rachel anything yet. She was always waiting for the right moment, but inwardly knew, that there would never be the “right” moment and that the longer she waited, the more difficult it would become.

 The blonde exhaled slowly and then reached for Rachel’s hand. But Rachel did not even turn and snatched her hand back. Quinn saw the jaw muscles work as her girlfriend clenched her teeth in hurt and anger.

When they reached their home station, both got out, not holding hands, not looking at each other. Quietly they walked up to the apartment. In the elevator Rachel pointedly avoided eye contact.

Inside, Quinn hung up her coat she quickly went to the bathroom. She needed a moment to collect her thoughts. She needed to tell Rachel about the tour. Now.

When she came out, she found Rachel standing in the kitchen.

Rachel had her back turnedto Quinn and fiddled with the paper of the pad that lay on the counter. She felt Quinn’s eyes bore into her back, but for the moment the brunette refused to turn around in order to take up the conversation.

Quinn stared at her girlfriend, willing her to look at her. She knew she should have told her sooner. But there was never the right time, never the right moment, never the right mood.

Right.

The blonde could find so many more excuses. Fact was, she had been scared to tell Rachel about it. She was afraid of what it would mean for them, for their relationship.

“Rachel,” Quinn called softly, even though she knew that the brunette would not hear her, but just that instant the petite woman turned her head and caught her name from the blonde’s lips.

Rachel crossed her arms and waited.

The blonde stepped closer and started to explain.

_Your were right. I have something on my mind now and I just haven’t found the courage to tell you. I know it’s not fair, but I didn’t know how…_ She rushed along. _They asked me to go on tour with the ensemble all across North America._

Finally it was out. Quinn exhaled slowly and dropped her hands. Rachel watched her closely and saw the pain and fear play across the blonde’s features. She understood that it must not have been easy to think about the options and consequences and she understood that it was never Quinn’s intention to hurt her. Still, it did hurt.

Rachel raised her hands and signed the next words without voicing them along.

_Quinn, even though I didn’t consciously think about this, it was clear that sooner or later you would get an offer to play somewhere else or go on tour. Still, it hurts when you keep things from me. I noticed that something bothered you over the past weeks. It always puts a strain on our relationship if we don't share things that are bothering us. Why didn’t you just tell me?_

Quinn looked at the floor and then back up at the brown, imploring eyes.

_I guess I thought I could just ignore it and pretend everything is like it was and we’d be in our happy little bubble forever. You know… you doing your movie, me having engagements here in New York, getting to see each other every night, spending the weekends…We are currently leading quite busy lives already, I just didn’t want to think about adding complications and what would happen if I went away for months on end._ She dropped her hands.

Santana sauntered into the room and immediately picked up on the tense atmosphere.

She looked between the two women, caught Quinn’s glare and turned on her heel again. Sometimes it was better to get out of the line of fire and get a recount when the heat had cooled down. But Rachel noticed the look that passed between the two old friends.

“Don’t tell me you knew!”

The Latina turned and looked at Rachel. _Knew what?_ She asked signing.

“About Quinn’s engagement.”

Now Santana had a truly confused look on her face. “Noooo, I did not…” belatedly she started to sign along. “I did not know about any new engagement,” Santana stated with a look at Quinn.

The blonde’s shoulders dropped. Great. It was hard enough to tell Rachel, and Santana would have been the next person to know, but now everything took a life of its own somehow.

“Look, San, I’ll tell you later, ok? It’s something I would like to discuss with Rachel first.” The blonde’s hands gracefully formed the words in parallel, so her girlfriend would understand what was being said.

Santana understood that this was something big and nodded her understanding. She quickly squeezed Rachel’s shoulder before she left, letting the brunette know that she had a good guess of what the discussion was about. The gesture also told Rachel that she should not be too hard on Quinn. The blonde was probably suffering as much as Rachel bearing thenews.

Rachel’s eyes followed the tall, dark haired woman until she disappeared into her room. When she cast her eyes back on Quinn, her gaze softened somewhat. It wouldn’t help focusing on the fact that Quinn had omitted her out of state engagement for whatever reason. A part of her could even understand a little why the blonde had avoided talking about it.

On the other hand, they had to discuss this now and what it would mean for them. Rachel needed to understand the extent of their work related separation so she could focus on planning, on plunging herself head on into organizing, in order to try to push the dread away that started filling her.

She stepped forward and pulled Quinn gently over to the couch. Having the counter as a barrier between them wouldn’t make tackling this topic easier and she needed physical contact with her girlfriend.

Finally snuggled against each other, Quinn dropped her head on Rachel’s shoulder a moment before she signed: _I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything sooner. I still haven’t given the director my final word. I can still get out of the whole thing._

Rachel reached over and placed a hand on Quinn’s to still the rush of words.

“Quinn,” she said gently, “why don’t you start at the beginning? What, where, when, how…”

“Okay,” Quinn exhaled. _We have been approached – our director has been approached that there were requests to move the show across the country and cover like the biggest 25-30 cities with performances. Of course he said yes and the team is currently trying to work out how to do this without having to stop the performance here on Broadway. So clearly they will need another crew to travel or to fill in here in New York. It is not quite clear yet how they are planning this. Maybe they will take the original cast to go on tour and have a three months hiatus here or whatever_.

“When would that take place?” Rachel cautiously asked, finally getting a small understanding of what was going on.

She was familiar with the fact that sometimes successful shows would be picked up by a tour company to be shown around the country for those who couldn’t travel to New York. But Rachel knew that these tours weren’t usually done within two or three months. Usually they lasted longer. The more successful the show – and having won a Tony for best play, _Bohemiens_ was _very_ successful – the longer the tour, the more shows in each city.

Quinn seemed to pick up on her girlfriend’s train of thought. _I don’t know any details yet. Talk is about starting in fall this year. I don’t quite know yet what I will do, but I would really like to go on tour. But not for six months or a year. I couldn’t… I couldn’t be separated from you for such a long time, only seeing you every other week or months with our tight schedules._

“I know,” Rachel whispered. She did know. She would be torn as well.

“Quinn, we had this discussion before. With a slightly different background, but I don’t want you to hold back because of me. I don’t ever want to be the reason for you not following your heart and your career. This is a huge opportunity!”

Quinn took one of Rachel’s hands who had signed along her own words. The blonde stroke a thumb over the back of the brunette’s hand, before she placed a soft kiss on it.

_Rachel, I cannot separate my heart from my head. I love you. Isn’t it only natural that I don’t want to be separated from you for such a long time? It’s not because of your deafness, if that is what you meant._

The other woman shook her head. “No. I didn’t refer to that,” Rachel surprised Quinn by saying. "We will find a solution, whatever your choice is. And…” She didn’t finish the sentence.

Quinn waited a moment, but Rachel didn’t offer any further explanation.

“And what?” She prompted her after a moment, bumping her elbow playfully into her girlfriend’s ribs, confident that she could read the two words from her lips.

Rachel lifted her shoulders and dropped them again, with a small smile. “Maybe I’ll have a project that takes me out of the state sometime in the future. Who knows. All I’m saying is that I understand your situation, you know? Even if I had never lost my hearing and we would have become a couple, our schedules would have clashed even more. We would both have had great opportunities that we should not have passed by. I’m not saying that I’m happy about it, but if you really want to go and if you get the offer, then go! Do it! We will find a way to live through this. After all, I’m really good at organizing,” she grinned bravely.

In the end, Quinn found an agreement with the director to let her go on tour for the first three months that covered the biggest cities. Rachel planned to visit her twice during that time on a weekend and vice versa Quinn was able to come back home for three stays in between. It wasn’t great, but at least this helped bridging the three months. Skyping helped. It kept them in loop of what was happening in their partner’s life, but of course it didn’t make up for the real thing.

Shortly before Christmas Quinn came back from a final – at least for Quinn - successful show in L.A.. Finding Rachel waiting for her at the airport, gave Quinn the impression that sometimes life was good to you. Sometimes you could have the cake _and_ eat it.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel sauntered over to where Santana and Quinn stood looking at the photographs. She glanced at the picture they both had their attention focused on and quickly let her hand slide across Quinn’s back while she passed them on her way to the bathroom.

Quinn understood that gesture. It told her that Rachel remembered that conversation as well, but thatthey could tackle every obstacle together, no matter how big or hard it was.

"Gawd, you should see that besotted look on your face, Fabray," Santana smirked after watching the small, wordless exchange. "Don't start drooling on the floor, Kurt will throw a fit."

"Shut up Lopez. You don't look much better when you're gawking at your girlfriend," Quinn observed.

Santana laughed, for once not having a smart retort on her tongue, knowing Quinn was right. She was absolutely in love.

A moment later Rachel came back and stole a kiss from her fiancée.

“I’m so enjoying this evening. I can’t believe how much effort they put into the decoration,” Rachel marveled as she looked around, her arm still slung around the other woman’s waist.

Quinn leaned slightly back to have room to sign, careful not to break the half-embrace.

“We should take the stuff and hang it up in our apartment. Well, we might have to exchange some of the pictures, but most of them are really great. I can’t believe that even our parents helped them behind our backs, sending baby photos!” she quivered when she looked at an old photo displaying a chubby little two year old with blonde locks.

Rachel laughed. “Nah, I think you looked really cute as a child.” Then she yawned. “I need a coffee. Let’s ask the others if they want one too.”

With that she ducked underneath the clothesline and joined the group, pulling Quinn behind her.


	6. 6

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 6**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel asked who else wanted some coffee. Hands raised into the air and she counted quickly, waving Kurt off who wanted to help. Having visited her friend so many times and still feeling kind of like at home in her old home, she busied herself with making coffee alone. 

It was also nice to have a moment to herself, she figured. Conversations in large groups were still a little exhausting, even if she had gotten better at following along. And it helped immensely that almost everyone knew how to sign. Still, she needed to concentrate and being a little tired didn’t help.

Waiting for the old fashioned filter machine to heat up the water and trickle it through the ground coffee, Rachel leaned with her back against the counter, letting her eyes roam across the familiar room.

She was happy that Kurt and Blaine still lived here and that she was able to come visit. She had always loved their lofty apartment and had been sad when she moved out. But living closer to Broadway once her career took off had been just so much more comfortable and saved so much time.

She had moved quite a lot, Rachel realized, over that past couple of year. Four times, actually. From Lima to New York, in New York from living with Kurt to living near Broadway. Then after the accident she moved to a smaller apartment as far away as possible from anything that reminded her of theater or music. And then back a little closer when moving in with Quinn.

Hopefully they would stay for a while longer in Quinn’s apartment. She loved the area and the apartment itself was spacey and still comfortable and cozy. And it was nice to have a home again where she really felt she belonged. That it was her place to be, where she could relax and recuperate. Not to mention that waking up next to Quinn every morning was one of the best things that had happened to her in her life.

She turned and checked on the coffee machine. The dark liquid still flowed in a thin stream into the pot. Watching it trickle, Rachel tried to remember the sounds. The gurgling, the hissing, the soft dipping when the last drops from the filter hit the dark pool below. Then she wondered about the conversations that were surely going on in the other room. It was still weird for her knowing that there were so many other people just a couple of feet away and she just didn’t hear them.

Her body had accustomed over the past two years to automatically tune into other sensations, though. It would never really replace her hearing, but it gave her at least a little more information about her surroundings. Like the slight vibration of the wooden floor boards when someone dropped something in the other room or walked towards the bathroom. The pulse in her chest coming from the music in the other room. And she had noticed over time, that even if she didn’t feel anything physically, there was still something in the air if a person was close by. As if some electricity or static filled the air or the atmosphere changed. Maybe it was just her sixth sense, but she often knew if someone was home or not when she entered the apartment, even before checking the time and calculating if Santana or Quinn were off work.

A head poked around the corner and Kurt grinned at her.

_Hey old roomie, hiding in the kitchen? Need any help?_

Rachel smiled and shook her head. “No. I’m fine.” She pushed away from the table and started collecting cups and put them on a tray. Kurt added milk and sugar and together they leaned back against the dining table, watching the last drops enter the coffee pot before Rachel pulled it out and switched off the machine.

“God, why don’t you buy yourself a new coffee maker, Kurt? This one takes ages,” she teased.

_Really?_ Kurt answered with his hands and pushed his chin up before he continued playfully with a haughty air.

_I remember that you were always deeply grateful if I pressed a cup of this old fashioned coffee into your hands early in the morning. I’m the reason you managed to get through NYADA and start your career in parallel. If not for my coffee, believe me, classes would always have started without Rachel Berry!_ He nodded for emphasis with a smirk on his face to make his point.

“Ha! Really? That was like… one time!” Rachel threw him an incredulous look. “I only overslept one time!”

_Yes, really. And no, I recall several incidences._

Rachel quickly made two steps forward, grabbed the soaking sponge from the sink and splashed Kurt with it.

He jumped back. “Yikes! What was that for?” He asked, holding his shirt away from his body, examining possible damage the water could have made.

Rachel managed to read the words off his lips. She laughed with an evil grin on her face. “This was to remind you how many times _I_ had to wake _you_ so you didn’t oversleep after a long night out with Blaine or coming from one of your Vogue parties!” She watched her friend for a moment before he answered.

_You’re exaggerating. That was like one time,_ he mimicked Rachel who then took a deep breath to count of all the events.

“Well, I remember that one time, shortly after your admission to NYADA…,” she began

Kurt lifted his hands. _God, spare me, please._ After a pause he added. _I don’t need a recital of all my failures._

“Haha, so you admit it?” Rachel asked triumphantly.

_Touché_ , Kurt admitted finally and laughed. Then he sobered a bit. _I really missed you in the beginning after you moved out._

“You only missed me in the beginning?” Rachel asked in mock offence and poked her friend in the chest.

He poked her back in the side and Rachel squirmed, throwing up her hands. “Oh no! Ohhhhh no! Don’t start that again! No tickling. NO tickling!” But she recognized that expression on Kurt’s face. And an instant later his hands seemed to be everywhere, tickling her mercilessly while Rachel couldn’t stop laughing.

“A little help here!” She shouted out loud when she was able to take a breath. She knew she shouldn’t have dared him. He always won these damn tickling wars whenever they started one. He was just so much taller and had so much longer arms. So not fair!

A moment later, Santana and Quinn appeared in her field of vision, both with their arms crossed in front of their chests, watching the scene further unfold.

“Don’t stare … help me!” Rachel gasped between giggles, trying to escape the offending hands of her friend.

Quinn just grinned and Santana shook her head signing: _No, I think you’re good._

“What?” Rachel gasped. “You traitors!” She managed to pull away and sprinted towards the living room, almost bumping into Teresa who just came around the corner wanting to know what the commotion was about.

Rachel quickly hid behind her. “They are merciless.” Then she pointed over the other woman’s shoulder forward at Santana and Quinn. “Those two are pure evil.” She had a grim expression on her face, while her eyes still twinkled with mischief.

Teresa turned her head so Rachel could see her lips. “Why?” she asked and laughed at the face that Rachel pulled.

“Because they are just watching when a helpless woman is attacked by the great Hulk there.” She waved at Kurt who appeared from the kitchen with the coffee tray in his hand, looking innocently into the round.

Santana stepped forward and pulled her girlfriend into a kiss, effectively deranging Rachel’s cover. Then she added aloud and signing: “Don’t believe a word of what she said, Rees. Rachel is anything _but_ helpless.” And she pointedly raised an eyebrow at her smaller friend.

Before Rachel could say anything, Kurt piped up. “Coffee anyone?”

He placed the tray on the coffee table, close to where Rachel stood. Quinn also came over and gave her girlfriend a consoling kiss.

“Is that an apology for not helping me?” Rachel pouted.

_No, just because you look adorable with your hair all crazy,_ Quinn grinned and brushed a strand of brown hair behind her girlfriend’s left ear. She gave Rachel another tender kiss and then let her go.

Rachel quickly smoothed her hair and then took the pot and Kurt handed her the mugs to be filled. In between he managed to sign.

_We did have some great times here._

Rachel narrowed her eyes for a moment. “Yeah, we did,” she answered.” And leaned shortly into her friend. Besides her current living situation now with Quinn - and Santana … and Teresa – she had loved living with her best friend the most.

After her accident she had moved out from her flat that was close to Broadway. She had wanted to be away from all the things that reminded her of her past. Rachel had found a small apartment with an open kitchen and one bedroom which became her sanctuary. In the beginning, only there she had felt safe. This had been the place where she could hide and try to forget.

When she and Quinn became a couple and spent more and more time together, they stayed at Quinn’s apartment. It was a bit more central and just bigger and nicer than her own flat. Besides, Rachel had come to really enjoy spending rare evenings in front of the TV sharing dinner, if Quinn had her day off. Sometimes they were joined by Santana and lately even by Teresa. Even though one bathroom for four women was sometimes not really enough, they spent less and less time at Rachel’s apartment and more and more of her stuff wandered over to Quinn’s.

It had taken a while though until she made the final decision to give up her own living quarters. A little incident had nudged her along the way.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

_Few months earlier._

Rachel felt someone shake her shoulders. Unconsciously mumbling something she tried to escape the prying hands, but they wouldn’t stop. The shaking increased with an urgency that jolted her brain into wakefulness.

Her eyes snapped open. It took a moment for Rachel to remember that they had decided to stay at her place. She was in her own bedroom. Turning her head she saw Quinn in the dim light that washed through her bedroom from outside place on finger on her lips to still any comment that might come from Rachel.

The brunette drew her brows together. _What?_ She signed, confused as to what was going on.

_I heard a noise._ Quinn turned her head back to the bedroom door as if listening to whatever had disturbed her in the first place.

Rachel held her breath. When she couldn’t stand it anymore she tapped the blonde’s arm.

_What is going on?_ She asked alarmed, again just using her hands, hoping that Quinn would see her signs in the dark. Luckily the streetlamps cast an eerie glow through the window.

Ever since losing her hearing Rachel refused to sleep in a completely dark room. In the beginning she had even left the lights on, scared that when she woke up in the dark, she wouldn’t be able to orient herself. Now, after more than a year living without her hearing, she was ok sleeping with the lights out, but she didn’t pull the curtains or blinds close anymore.

Quinn carefully peeled the covers back and moved cautiously towards the door. Biting her lower lip she slowly pressed the button on the doorknob to lock the door. Her heart drummed an anxious rhythm in her chest. Then she cocked her head and leaned it against the wood. Everything seemed quiet now. But she was sure that she had heard something. _Something_ had woken her up. Slowly she traced her steps back to the bed, listening intently if there were some more noises outside.

Rachel watched her from the bed. She felt the uneasiness grow not being able to assess the situation or helping Quinn locating the sounds she was hearing. It drove her crazy not knowing what was going on.

_You think someone is there?_

Quinn shrugged. _Not sure._ Again she listened.

There!

There was this rattling and dull thump again. She grabbed Rachel’s hand for a moment.

_Shall we… shall we call the police?_ Rachel saw the nervousness and fear in Quinn’s features. While the area she lived in was not really prone to break-ins, it didn’t mean that it could not happen.

Quinn rubbed her forehead. It _sounded_ like someone was pounding at the door or something outside, but she wasn’t a hundred percent sure that it was inside the apartment. But she was also too cautious to open the door and look; afraid to draw attention to them _should_ there be an intruder.

She grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand. She hesitated a moment, feeling her girlfriend’s big brown eyes on her.

Rachel’s hands flew through the air, and even in the dark Quinn saw how her hands were shaking and she noticed the lines of fear etched into her features.

_Quinn, better be safe than sorry. I’m scared. I don’t know what you’re hearing, I can’t help you, I’m just afraid that if we do nothing, something might happen!_

Rachel was right.

The blonde reached out and grabbed one of Rachel’s hands, giving it a slight squeeze while she dialed 911 with the thumb of her left hand. While she waited for someone to answer her call, she got up and pulled Rachel up with her. A female officer with a deep voice calmly took Quinn’s call and the blonde shortly explained what she heard.

Rachel’s eyes hung on Quinn’s lips in the dark, watching them move, but it was not enough light to make out what she was saying. Besides, she was surely whispering which would have made it even more difficult to read. The person on the other side of the line apparently said something while Quinn and went to the bedroom door again to listen. Then she nodded and went back to Rachel. She carefully picked up Rachel’s phone and took it with her. With a nod she indicated Rachel to follow her.

Still with her own phone on her ear Quinn and Rachel walked into the adjoining bathroom and looked the door behind them. The blonde spoke into the phone again, and then placed it on the sink without disconnecting.

The bathroom only had a very small window, but the phone display gave off enough light that Rachel could see Quinn sign.

_I just told the officer that I have to explain to you what she told me. She is still on the phone. They will send someone over to check. She said it was good that we didn’t go outside to investigate ourselves. She also told me to get as many doors between us and a possible perpetrator as possible. That’s why I dragged us in here._

She paused for a second, waiting to see if Rachel was with her. The brunette nodded slowly, the sinews on her throat standing out, because of tension and fear.

_We’ll be fine. I gave them also your phone number, so in case my batteries run low, we and they_ –she pointed at her phone - _have another number. Is you ringtone off?_

Rachel nodded again. Then a thought struck her.

_And how will we know if we can get out? Will they break down the door?_

Quinn chewed her lip. _Good question_. Then she held up her finger and took up her phone again, relaying the question to the female officer in the line. She played back the answer with her hands.

_They can see if the door has been tempered with in the first place, and they can check with a small camera if someone is inside. The officer on the phone is in contact with the other policemen and she will tell us if it is ok to go out._

Rachel bit her lip and nodded slowly.

She hated, absolutely hated that she had no means of dealing with this situation. Much as she had adapted, this situation showed her again some of her limitations. There were means to make emergency calls, that wouldn’t have necessarily been the problem. The problem would have been that she wouldn’t have _heard or noticed_ if someone was in the apartment in the first place.

They had to think of something how to alert her if something like that should ever happen again. Maybe a sensor that would activate a flashing light or a vibration through a device.

Whatever, just now she hoped that this would be over soon. It reminded her of the night when she and Quinn were stuck in the subway in the dark. She had succumbed completely to her panic when she realized that the lights went out and all passengers had been pitched into complete darkness without any cell reception.

Rachel forced herself to take a deep breath. ‘You’re not helpless. And Quinn is surely as scared as you are,’ she told herself. ‘If she is handling everything with the police now, you can at least give her some support and reassure her.’

Rachel pulled Quinn over to the bathtub and both women perched themselves on the rim. None of them wanted to sit on the floor, this way it was easier to get up and react – just in case…

_Thank you for handling this._ She looped her left arm around Quinn’s back and slowly rubbed her hand up and down in a soothing way. Her girlfriend nodded and shortly dropped her head on Rachel’s slender shoulder. Now that there was nothing to do but wait, the blonde allowed herself to sag ever so slightly against the brunette.

Rachel reached up and slung her arm around Quinn’s shoulder, pressing her against her own body, trying to give her some reassurance.

The blonde held her phone in her hand and talked into it once in a while, apparently giving a status update and receiving the same from the other end. Some minutes ticked by and both women prayed that the cops would get here soon. Every passing second made it all the harder to bear.

_Have you heard the noise again when you listened at the door before we came in here?_ Rachel asked.

Quinn shook her head. _No. Everything seemed quiet then. But I’m sure there was someone at the door. Something woke me up and I heard the noise again when I was awake._

After a couple of minutes, the blonde pulled herself erect, listened to what the officer was saying and then slowly stood up. She listened at the door and nodded. She took Rachel’s phone and held the camera at the crack between the door and the floor. Rachel had always complained about it, but now Quinn was glad it was there. It afforded her with a view of the room. It seemed empty. With a short gesture she indicated for Rachel to step out of the view while she slowly and carefully opened the door to the bedroom.

The brunette held her breath.

Nothing happened. No dark clad figure jumped out at them. Everything seemed fine.

Quinn said something, but not into the phone, it seemed she was shouting something to someone outside. Rachel was glad when she took the time to quickly inform her that the officers where at the door and that she would walk out to let them in.

Rachel stepped forward. _I’m coming with you. You’re not going out there alone!_

Quinn wanted to object, but saw the determined expression on Rachel’s face. _They said that everything seemed clear and that there was nothing wrong with the front door apparently_.

Slowly the walked towards the bedroom door and Quinn listened again. When she was convinced that she didn’t hear anything from the other part of the apartment, she slowly unlocked and then opened the door. Carefully, both girls stood back and waited for a moment. Rachel had her eyes trained on Quinn’s face. Her heart seemed to leap into her throat. She felt so helpless and vulnerable at that moment. Then all of a sudden Quinn jumped and grabbed her hand.

Rachel threw her other hand over her mouth to muffle a cry. Next to her she saw how Quinn let out a breath and visibly relaxed.

Slowly she let Rachel’s hand go. _Sorry, these were just the officers outside._ She quickly stepped out and opened the front door.

The officers introduced themselves.

Even though everything seemed ok they insisted on checking the apartment.

They made sure that the two women were safe and were about to go, when another thump came from outside. The policemen motioned for the two women to hide and positioned themselves next to the door with their guns drawn. One slowly opened it and looked outside.

The ‘perpetrator’ greeted them with a slurred speech.

Rachel watched the officers visibly relax and put their guns away. Then she recognized the man from next door.

It turned out that Rachel’s neighbor had come home very drunk and had mistaken her door for his. When he couldn’t open the door, he wanted to rouse his wife and repeatedly banged against it. In a garbled voice he then explained that he had had to pee and went downstairs again, because his wife wouldn’t open the door. When he came back up, he lost his balance and toppled against Rachel’s door.

After this was all explained and the neighbor’s wife finally let him in, the officer asked Rachel: “Have you had and other disturbances by him lately?”

Quinn interpreted. Rachel shook her head, then shrugged. “I... I don’t know. Could be that he did this before, but on my own I wouldn’t be able to tell.” She looked at Quinn.

“No, there hasn’t been any other disturbance, at least not during the times I stayed here.” She pulled Rachel closer and laid her arm across her shoulders.

“Well, then everything seems ok. We’ll leave you then. Have a good night.” He nodded first at Rachel, then at Quinn. Walking down the hallway they saw him speak into his radio before he disappeared with his colleague around the corner.

Rachel closed the door, thoroughly locked it and sagged against it, swallowing a couple of times. Now that the adrenaline ebb away, it was hard to hold the tears back. Even though everything had taken a positive ending, Rachel realized that this incident wouldn’t let her sleep with ease anytime soon.

How could she ever be sure she was safe? Someone could break in and stand next to her bed and still she might not be aware of it.

Quinn watched her girlfriend’s color turn another shade of white. Quickly she pulled her over to the counter and sat her on a stool. Then she placed a glass of water in front of her.

_Here, drink that._

With a shaky hand, Rachel lifted the glass and took a few gulps. Quinn had also found a banana and placed a piece in front of her. The petite woman forced herself to take a couple of bites and felt her nerves finally calm down a bit.

As if coming out of a stupor, she slowly lifted her head and looked at Quinn.

“I’m sorry. This got to me more than I thought.” She reached out and rubbed Quinn’s arm. “How are you doing?”

_Ok,_ Quinn signed and cocked her head. _I’m just glad that there was such an easy explanation._ She even managed to laugh a bit. _God, this guy really was dead drunk. No wonder his wife didn’t want to let him in._

Finally Rachel also managed a small smile. “He smelled like a whole liquor shop.”

Quinn laughed. _Yes. With all that alcohol vapor wafting around it was pure luck that no one lit a fire, otherwise we might have all burst into flames._

Rachel giggled. “His poor wife. I’d stuff a bar of soap into his mouth..”

_Can you imagine?_ Both women laughed at the picture, grateful that their nerves seemed to calm down gradually. They also knew that the humor was one way of dealing with the situation. Better than staying in shock.

Rachel placed a hand on Quinn’s knee. “Thank you for taking care of me.” She nodded at the glass and the banana. “And for dealing with the police. I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

Quinn cupped Rachel’s face before she pulled back to sign. _Don’t apologize, Rachel._

“But I feel I have to. I don’t know. I just keep wondering when life will stop throwing all my deficiencies into my face. I mean, was it really necessary to come up with that tonight to show me that I can’t even notice if someone breaks into my apartment?”

_Darling, this can also happen to hearing people. They can be surprised by burglar’s as well._

“But you heard him.”

_Yes, I did. I understand that this is scary, I was scared too. But we were lucky. I was glad you were with me and this didn’t happen while I was home alone. The same way that you were glad I was with you. Please stop implying that I always have to carry such a burden._

Quinn moved closer and stroke a thumb over Rachel’s cheek. _It was good that I could lean on you while we were waiting. Just like that time when the train got stuck. You calmed me down._

Rachel sighed, trying to believe. As much as she had achieved, she still felt like she relayed too much on Quinn and did not give enough back. Situations like that seemed to prove just that to her, no matter what her girlfriend thought.

“I don’t know, I’m just… Maybe I have to install an alarm or something. Put another look on the door….”

Quinn interrupted her.

_Hey, honey, calm down. There are other ways to make your apartment secure, but…_ A small smile lit up Quinn’s face. _I think that this happened to show us something different._

“And what is that?” Rachel asked with a frown.

Quinn’s smile spread. _That maybe you should keep away from drunken neighbors._

“Huh?” Rachel raised her eyebrows. “That’s not funny!”

The confused look on her girlfriend’s face made Quinn laugh and she decided to clarify.

_How about you move in with me?_

Rachel’s jaw dropped. She needed a second to recover.

 “You mean like – move in?”

  _Yeah, that’s what I meant._ Quinn laughed. _Move in. As in … move in. You know, move furniture, clothes, yourself etc._

 “Oh. Yes.” Then when it clicked she jumped off her stool. “You mean like really moving in and living together?”

Quinn noticed the sparkle coming back into Rachel’s eyes and nodded.

“Are you sure? Won’t that a bit crowded with all of us?”

_Rachel, we are at my apartment most of the time anyways. You already have a lot of your stuff there. Santana secretly loves you being there as well - and don’t tell her I said that or she’ll kill me – and you know_ …. She fiddled with Rachel’s fingers.

Rachel stepped a bit closer and tried to catch Quinn’s eyes with her own. In a silent communication she asked her to continue.

_And you know, I really, really love waking up next to you every morning. And going to sleep next to you every night. I love knowing that when I come home you’ll be there. Or that you’ll come home to me when you are finished working. I feel like a part of me is missing if you are not there._

Then another thought struck her. _I mean, if you don’t like the apartment, maybe we can look for one together. I just assumed, you know, but if you don’t then…_

Rachel smiled and stilled Quinn’s roving hands.

“Quinn, slow down. It’s ok. I’d love to move in with you officially. We don’t need to look for another place. I love your flat. I’d love to know that I can call my home a place where I know you’ll always be. Well, you and Santana. And Teresa,” she added with an afterthought.

Quinn had to laugh and then both women found each other’s lips.

Yes, this felt so right. They were moving in together! Quinn’s heart jumped with joy when she thought about it and Rachel was excited and nervous. She was going to give up her hidey-hole, her sanctuary. They place she could hide from the world.

Giving that up would mean that she jumped right back into the full life.

And the loved everything about that prospect.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own Glee or its original characters. Unfortunately. Sigh.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Chapter 7

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The crowd at the “Do-you-remember-when-party” slowly but surely grew tired, espite the coffee. Kurt yawed openly without shame, throwing his arms above his head, stretching.

"What time is it?" He asked into the round.

"One-thirty," Blaine answered after a look on his watch.

Quinn wiggled her shoulder slightly, rousing Rachel who seemingly had dozed off a couple of minutes ago.

"Hmmmm," came the mumbled reply. The blonde nudged her girlfriend again. When Rachel opened her eyes, she quickly signed: _Honey, let's go home, it's late._

"Mmhmm, ok," Rachel answered, not moving. After a moment she lifted her head and rubbed her eyes. "Sorry, it was a long week," she apologized for her lapse of etiquette.

"That or too much wine," Santana teased. "But I think we'll also call it a night. Thanks you two," she looked at Kurt and Blaine, "for the great food. You need help cleaning up?"

Kurt shook his head. "No, don't worry, we've got this. Besides, you already helped with the decoration."

Turning to Quinn and Rachel he added, waving his hand at the pictures: "We'll pack these and bring them over to you."

Rachel smiled. "Oh thank you! I was wondering what you'd do with it." “Well, we figured you might want to have them…” Blaine said.

“Yes, we definitely do!” Quinn agreed, her hands moving gracefully through the air, accompanying her words.

Slowly the friends got up and carried their glasses into the kitchen, despite Kurt and Blaine’s protests.

“Come on Kurt, we have to pass the kitchen anyway on our way out. Might as well grab a couple of glasses,” Santana reasoned.

Rachel took hers and Quinn’s in one hand and led her girlfriend out. In the kitchen she deposited the glasses in the sink and turned to Kurt.

“You know, this was a really great party! Thank you so much for hosting it and for having us over!” She poked him slightly in the chest for emphasis.

Lauren trailed into the room after Max. Having picked up Rachel’s signs, she added in the same fashion minus the chest poking: “Thanks also for inviting us. We really enjoyed it a lot! It’s nice to be included in this circle of friends.” She smiled at Rachel and Quinn. “If you need any further help with the organization of the wedding, let me know. I’ll be happy to lend a hand.”

_Thank’s, I think we’ll take you up on the offer,_ Rachel signed, without voicing her words. _There is still so much to do._ She made a face.

Lauren had to laugh at the slightly desperate look on Rachel’s face. _I know. A friend of mine got married a couple of months ago, so I know. That’s why I’m offering again. Use me, I’ll be your wedding planner slave._

Rachel had to laugh out loud at that. Then she wiggled her eyebrows. _That sounds kinky._

_What does?_ Quinn asked, having turned back to the two women just in time to see Rachel’s signs.

“Lauren offered to be our wedding slave,” the brunette offered.

_Wedding p-l-a-n-n-i-n-g slave,_ Lauren explained, signing only. _Purely from an organizational side._

“Oh, why didn’t we get someone like that for our wedding?” Kurt complained.

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Let’s so not get into that discussion now. I need to go home. Alone. With my soon-to-be wife.”

“That’s technically not alone,” Rachel pointed out logically. Quinn pulled her close with her elbow around Rachel’s neck and kissed her temple. Then she pronounced clearly “Shut up!” with a small laugh.

Rachel looked at Lauren and pointed at Quinn, signing: _Slave driver. Beware._

Before Quinn could react to that, Rachel slipped out of the embrace and hugged first Max, then Lauren and the rest of the group, thanking them for the wonderful evening. Soon everyone had said good-bye and with a sigh Blaine shut the heavy sliding door behind the last friend.

“That was really nice. It makes me happy to have such a great circle of friends.” He caught Kurt around the waist.

“Yes, that’s true. I never would have thought that one day we’d all sit here together celebrating Quinn and Rachel’s engagement. Can you imagine? Would you have ever thought in high school that things would turn out like that?”

Blaine shook his head. “No. Not really. But that is what makes life so interesting, don’t you think? I mean, I wouldn’t have wanted for Rachel to become deaf, but still, considering the circumstances everything seemed to turn out well.”

Kurt thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. I guess it did.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The next day Quinn received a call from her mom on Skype. Happily Quinn answered. Judy probably wanted to discuss some more organizational details for the wedding. Quinn clicked on the little icon on her laptop that allowed her to accept the call.

“Hi mom!” she gave a little wave when her mother appeared on the screen.

“Hello Quinn! How are you?”

“I’m good, getting a little nervous, there seems so much to do and organize for the wedding still and I fear that time is running out.”

“Oh honey, don’t worry. I believe every bride experiences that kind of anxiousness before their big day.”

“Times two?” Quinn asked, frowning. ow is Rachel holding up?” she then asked sincerely.

Quinn shrugged. “Well, she is also nervous, but she’s always trying to calm me down, explaining how well organized we are, what great friends and families we have to help us with everything etc..”

Judy waited for a moment, when Quinn didn’t continue, she prompted: “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“I don’t know, I feel that there is something that’s bothering her, but every time I ask her, she says I’m just imagining things and that everything is fine. But I know her mom. I know when something is not right and there is something she is not telling me.” Quinn chewed on her lower lip. “Do you think she is getting cold feet?”

Judy had to laugh out loud at that. “Oh no, honey! That is the last thing I would expect from Rachel. Everyone can see how much in love she is with you. Don’t worry, I really don’t think she is backing out. Give her some time, I’m sure she will talk to you about it when she is ready. And maybe it is really nothing; maybe you project your own nervousness onto her, thinking something must be wrong.”

Quinn thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, maybe I’m overreacting a little. Anyway, so you and Fran are coming two days earlier to help out with last minute preparations?”

“Yes, as promised. We’ll arrive on Thursday with the first flight in the morning, so we have enough time before Saturday to get through everything. Relax, you’ll be fine, everything will be fine. This is going to be such a lovely wedding, I’m sure of it!” Judy’s eyes beamed with joy.

It had taken her a long time to find her own bearings again, to find her own beliefs after many years under her husband’s oppression and his increasingly drastic and discriminating views. She had been shocked how far she had let herself be deterred from her own values and by that, from her own children. It had taken Quinn quite some time to trust her mother again, to see that she truly cared about her daughter and that she accepted Rachel into the family without prejudice. Judy had learned the hard way that your own views were not necessarily always your children’s views and in order to truly see them happy, you had to let them go their own way, fulfill their own dreams and not those of their parents. The best thing about this was, about letting her daughter live her own life made her even happier than she could have ever imagined. Quinn had found a soulmate in Rachel and vice versa.

“Mom, I’m really happy that you and Franny are coming and helping out. I’m really, really happy that you became a part of my life again, that I can share so many things with you.” Quinn blurted out in a moment of rare openness.

“Oh, honey, I wish I could turn back the time and make everything right, you know that.” Judy reached out as if she wanted to touch Quinn’s face and Quinn pressed her index finger against the screen. “I’m glad that you gave me a second chance.”

“Yeah, me too,” Quinn smiled. She was silent for a moment before she posed the question that had been burning on her mind for so long.

“Do you think dad knows anything about this?” She looked at her mom with mixed feelings.

On the one hand, the little girl inside still wanted her dad to be there, to accept her the way she was, to see that she was happy and be happy for her and with her. But the adult in her knew that this chance had long passed.

Just to prove her point, her mom said: “Yes, he does. I’m not sure where he learned it, but believe me, I didn’t tell him, and neither did Francine.” She was silent for a moment.

Quinn swallowed hard. “What do you think he’ll do?” she asked almost in a whisper, as if he could hear her. She hated that this man still had so much power over her, that he still could dampen her happiness just be being talked about or being mentioned in a conversation. She despised herself for being so weak and let him get so easily through her walls.

Judy watched the array of emotions play across Quinn’s features. She wished she could hug her girl and comfort and reassure her. “Honey, don’t let him get to you. Whatever he might want or plan, we will not let him ruin this. We are one family – and I count your friends into that - and we will stick together and make this the best day of your lives. I swear.”

Quinn was quiet for a moment, grateful about the encouraging and supportive words. However, she also sensed something else behind those words. “Mom, you’re not telling me everything. What is it? Something is bothering you. What?”

Judy bit her tongue, debating whether to tell her daughter or not. But when it came to her husband, nothing was clear and she had learned that it was better to be open and honest instead of keeping things to herself. “Quinn, I have the feeling that he might show up. And I’m not sure that he will do so quietly. I don’t know why I keep thinking that. It’s just…”

“What?!” Quinn almost shrieked. “You really think he’s going to come and crash the wedding? How does he even know about it? He doesn’t even know where it will take place!”

“I honestly don’t know, honey. I’m not saying that he is going to come to the wedding, but I have the feeling we haven’t seen the last of him.”

“So how come you know that he knows?” Quinn was confused. “Did you talk to him?”

“No!” Judy answered vehemently. “I haven't spoken to him personally and I keep raking my brain to find out how he could have learned about the wedding. But I guess since we didn’t make a big secret out of it, someone might have mentioned it to someone else. You know how things are in small towns.”

Quinn knew. She knew their parents were proud and the news might have jumped from one conversation to another. And they didn’t really think about putting a red tag on the news. Now Quinn was really afraid that the man she came to hate so much would again try and destroy her life. No. No! She’d never let that happen.

“So how come you know he knows?” Quinn repeated her former question. Judy bit her lip. She hadn’t wanted to tell Quinn, she really didn’t want to worry her daughter, but since she already brought the topic up and she told her.

“He left me a message on the machine. Saying something about being really disappointed that I didn’t want to inform him about his daughter’s wedding to a … a…” Judy stopped. She didn’t want to remember what her ex-husband had said about his own daughter and her wonderful fiancée. Judy had come to love Rachel over the past year and a half. She had known Rachel from high school, but how the girl had changed and how she managed her life made Judy really admire her. And she loved her for making her daughter so happy.

“To a what, mom?” Quinn probed and ripped Judy out of her thoughts.

Her mother sighed. “It doesn’t matter Quinn. Let me see to it that he doesn't show up. I’ll try to calm him down. Try not to worry.”

“Mom! This is my worry! This concerns me and our wedding. You shouldn’t have any contact with him either anymore.”

“Quinn, I didn’t. We have only communicated though our lawyers since the divorce. I have never seen him or spoken to him. He is a spiteful man and in my opinion he needs serious therapy. He needs some anger management. His only mission is to try to destroy our happiness. If he can’t have his family the way he wants it, then we do not deserve happiness. That is his motto, if you ask me. And I’ll be damned if we fall into that trap, Quinn.”

Quinn raked a hand through her hair. “I’ll talk to my friends, inform them about this and ask them to help out should he really make an appearance.” She heard her voice take on a desperate tone. “I cannot let him ruin the best day of my life or let him insult my fiancée, my friends or me. I will not let this happen!”

“And neither will I, Quinn!” Judy wished again at that moment than to take her daughter into her arms and comfort her. “I wasn’t there for you during one of your hardest times; I will not let you down again this time. I will protect you from him, I swear Quinn, this man has done enough damage in our lives!” She slammed a fist on the table in front of her and Quinn jumped a bit at the sound. She had rarely seen her mother this angry and this determined. It was wonderful to know that one of her parents stood behind her, trying to protect her from whatever evil might befall her. Quinn sensed some tears of gratitude sting her eyes and she hastily wiped a hand across them.

“Thanks mom.” Then she added with a small and not very convinced sounding voice: “Let’s just hope that we are overreacting. Maybe he doesn’t plan anything. Maybe he doesn’t care.” But she heard her own insecurity and knew that neither herself nor her mother believed that. Little did she know that Russell did have his own agenda indeed.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

It was a couple of days later when Quinn found out what Russell’s agenda really was.

The blonde stared at the raging man in front of her. Part of her still tried to digest how this could have happened, how he could have entered her apartment and how she could have let him stand there, ranting and raging that she feared he would smash her furniture – or worse, even her. Another part of her hoped that Rachel would not come home during his visit. Quinn was truly afraid that her appearance would fuel her father’s anger even more.

He was beyond being capable of taking in or grasping any rational thought. She prayed that if anyone came home, it would be Santana first. Maybe she would bring Teresa. The more people were with her, the better. Together they would be able to make Russell leave. For a moment she wasn’t sure if she could handle him alone. She knew she had to be strong, that she shouldn’t let all these hurtful and spiteful words let get to her. But there was still this little kid in her that was utterly shocked about the man who once had been her beloved dad, and of what he had become. This small child still wanted the caring and loving man back that she remembered from her early childhood, when she had been his princess and when he had been so proud of her. She wanted him to be happy for her, be happy with her.

She wanted to reason with him, make him understand, make him see that everything was fine the way it was. That they could still be part of each other’s lives to a certain degree. But a fraction of her knew that this man or this part of the man was dead, buried beneath mountains of anger and righteousness. How could one man hate so much? How could that man be her father? How could he not look beyond his own beliefs and see what truly mattered? How could he not understand that his attitude made everything worse and increased the rupture between them more and more – if that was even possible? Russell’s face was dark red; spit flew from his mouth with every sentence he screamed.

Quinn had brought the dining table between herself and her father. At least that gave her a small safety barrier. She saw that the hands that gripped the back of the chair where he leaned on, where white, so tightly he held on. Quinn feared that the wood would splinter beneath his fingers, would snap like a little twig. Her father did not seem to notice. She saw that he barely had a grip on himself anymore. She was starting to get really afraid. Something had switched in Russell’s head. He wasn’t himself anymore. And he was becoming a danger to himself and to others. As long as he had gotten everything from his family that he expected, he had been the nicest and most charming man. But Quinn had seen him getting angry before. He had always been able to throw great tantrums if one of them disappointed him in whatever way. But never, never had it been this bad, she had never been afraid that he might physically attack her. A background sound distracted her for a moment.

She heard the key being inserted into the keyhole from outside and in slow motion the door seemed to open. _‘Please let it be Santana, please let it be Santana’, Quinn prayed. ‘Please God, please leave Rachel out of the picture. Please let her not come home. I’m afraid he will hurt her or do worse.'_

It seemed that her prayers were not heard. Rachel appeared in the door frame and immediately took a step back, taking the scene in. Even without having been able to hear the shouts, she felt the tension. It was thick as smoke and she saw the dread and fear on Quinn’s face.

For the first time in her life Rachel saw Quinn really being afraid. After a second she realized that she wasn’t afraid for herself, but for Rachel. Quinn’s eyes seemed to skip between her and Russell. In his rage the man hadn’t noticed that someone else had entered the apartment as his back was turned towards the door. Quinn locked eyes with Rachel and soundlessly formed the word _leave_ with her lips, giving Rachel an imploring look. But the brunette shook her head. There was no way she would leave her girlfriend alone with this man who seemed on the verge of snapping.

She couldn’t hear what he was screaming, but from the way his body shook, the way his veins stood out at the side of his neck, she figured that he was shouting at the top of his lungs. Slowly she pulled out her phone.

Quinn forced herself to draw her eyes back to Russell, to keep his attention away from Rachel as long as possible. Why wouldn’t she leave? Didn’t she understand the danger of this situation?

“Who told you about the wedding?” She demanded to know, relieved that her voice did not betray her inner turmoil.

She needed to keep his attention on herself.

“It doesn’t matter who told me! What matter is that none of my family bothered to tell me that my daughter was getting married. To a dyke no less! My own flesh and blood! How could you deteriorate so much, Quinn? What did that slut do to you that she turned you into one of them?”

Quinn was at a loss for words. How was she supposed to answer that? The more she would try to explain herself, the angrier he would get, if that was even possible. Besides, he didn’t want an explanation. At least not the one that she would give him. She forced herself to calm her racing heart and laced a steely calm around her voice.

“You better leave now. I do not want you or your accusations in my life. Leave my apartment. Now!” She pronounced every word clearly, hoping Rachel would at least get that part of the conversation, because she wasn’t signing as had become her second nature by now.

Whenever Rachel was around, Quinn’s hands automatically formed the words in parallel. But this time she forced herself to keep them still. She didn’t know if her dad knew about Rachel’s deafness, but either way he wouldn’t react positively about this fact either, she thought. Hopefully Rachel would get out of the way should Russell decide to leave, Quinn prayed.

Something must have tipped him off, because he quickly turned and his eyes fell on Rachel who was about to move away from the door.

He turned all his anger against the petit women. After all, she was the reason that his Quinn had lost her way, she had bewitched her, he was sure. He started screaming again. What he shouted - Rachel could only guess.

Behind his back she watched Quinn grimace as she tried to interpret what he was accusing Rachel of. Russell couldn’t see her hands move and by now, it didn’t matter anymore. Quinn stepped around the table to put herself between the man and Rachel. With every word her signs grew slower until she refused to relay further what he was saying.

Rachel’s eyes widened while Russell came closer and closer, almost looming over her petite frame. The brunette made a quick movement and slipped out of his reach. The big man turned as well and now stood with his back against the door. Both women realized that he effectively covered their only way out. And both women realized that this wasn’t a man you could reason with anymore. This man was dangerous and psychotic. There was no way they could handle this situation by themselves.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Rachel looked at her phone when a message flashed up while Quinn pulled her behind the table. Even though it was just a psychological barrier, it made the blonde feel a little safer.

Rachel looked up again and found Russell staring at her. Her eyes automatically drifted down towards his mouth, trying to decipher what he was saying. She understood that he was asking her something, but she couldn’t make out exactly what.

Unsure she looked at Quinn who slowly shook her head, indicating that she was not going to interpret and that they both should not react to anything he was saying. Rachel’s heart thumped in her chest. The air round them seemed to vibrate with the negative energy that wafted off the large man. How could this man hate his own daughter so much? Even though she didn’t understand the words he was saying, Russell’s body language and facial expression said enough. And Rachel noticed that she seemed to have underestimated the situation. This man was dangerous.

Looking into his eyes, she only saw hatred and rage.

Just at that moment Russell lunged forward and reached for the brunette. Rachel quickly made a step back and collided with the counter behind her. Quinn’s father took a step to the side to walk around the end of the table. He grabbed Rachel and shook her.

Rachel had the good common sense not to fight against the large man. She wouldn’t have stood a chance and probably would have enraged him further. His big hands on her arms hurt and she already felt the bruises form. She felt her own breath coming out in short gasps.

In panic Quinn turned and looked for a suitable defense weapon. The nearest thing was the wooden block with the knives. She pulled the largest one out and sprinted around the table to get behind her father. The space between the table and the counter was too narrow for her to reach him with Rachel being held in front of his body. Thrusting her arm out and placing the tip of the knife dangerously near his kidneys, she stopped Russell’s further advance.

Between clenched teeth, Quinn uttered: “Let her go. Now.”

In that moment she knew that she would use the knife if she had to. Her sole focus lay on keeping this man in front of her away from Rachel and herself. She knew that the only thing that counted was keeping Rachel safe. Nothing else. Nothing else mattered anymore in that moment. Quinn didn’t register how the front door opened again and she didn’t register the people rushing inside. Her father turned towards her, letting Rachel go with one hand.

She only saw the tip of the knife now pointed at Russell’s stomach. The blood rushed in her ears and she felt her heart pound in her chest. Time seemed to stand still for a moment. When Russell realized that his daughter momentarily seemed to have an advantage over him, he loosened his grip on Rachel completely, who stepped back out of his reach immediately.

At that moment he seemed to realize what was happening around him. As if coming out of a stupor, something in his eyes changes. His mouth opened, but he didn’t utter a word. He looked at the knife in Quinn’s hand still trained against him and then back into his daughter’s face. His whole body seemed to deflate in front of her.

Then, all of a sudden a voice reached the blonde’s ears. Rachel’s voice, Quinn realized belatedly. And she felt a hand on her arm, but that didn’t belong to her girlfriend.

“Quinn, it’s ok, put the knife down. We’re safe.”

“Ma’am, please give me the knife.” Another voice said.

The hand on her arm belonged to that voice. Slowly Quinn came out of her haze. She blinked and took in the scene around her.

A man in a uniform pressed firm hand on her arm. Cops, she realized belatedly.

Slowly she gave in and lowered the knife, relinquishing the weapon in her hand. Someone placed the knife out of reach on the counter.

Another cop put Russell in cuffs and dragged him towards the door.

Quinn was still too shocked to react. She stood there, not being able to move or say anything. Santana, who had arrived with the policemen, rushed over to her friends. She grabbed Quinn by her arms and shook her slightly.

“Quinn, are you ok? Talk to me.” Then she looked at Rachel. “Did he hurt you?”

She pronounced the words very clearly, so Rachel could read her lips while she had her hands still on Quinn’s arms.

Rachel shook her head. “No,” she whispered, rubbing her arms and Santana already saw the marks that Russell’s fingers left.

Rachel pressed a hand against her forehead. “Oh god, he was so angry and aggressive, he really would have hurt us if Quinn hadn’t reacted so fast and had pulled out the knife.”

She sagged on a chair and leaned her head in her hands.

While one policeman had moved Russell from the apartment, the other one stayed behind, taking in the scene.

He looked at Quinn. “Ma’am, can you tell me what happened?”

Quinn took a step and lowered herself onto a chair next to Rachel, nodding slowly. “Yes,” she breathed, but it took a moment before she could collect her thoughts.

She rubbed her hands on her thighs. Slowly she started to recount the event, using her hands as well so Rachel could follow and learn what had happened before she had entered the apartment. Quinn had been about to leave to get some food at the supermarket. When she opened the door, she had found Russell standing in front of her. A little spark of hope had risen in her. But once she had let him in, it soon became clear that he was not there to make peace or to congratulate her. Far from it. He had started accusing her, pushing her, stabbing his finger at her chest that it left some marks as well. That was when Quinn had sought some refuge behind the table.

When Russell had gotten louder and louder, his accusations becoming more absurd with every sentence he uttered, she realized that he was mentally sick. Maybe he had always been on the verge of being psychotic, but something must have made him freak out now.

The cop took a picture of the marks on her chest and of Rachel’s arms. After making sure he had all the information and that the two women were cared for, he left. Rachel looked at Santana, giving her a brave smile. She reached across the table.

“Thank you for coming so quickly. I didn’t know what else to do in that moment.” Quinn threw her a questioning look.

Santana explained. “Rachel sent me an emergency message, something about Russell and danger and that you needed help.” Quinn looked from Rachel to Santana and nodded numbly. She still fought to keep her emotions at bay.

“How could this happen?”

She whispered, not asking anyone in particular. Rachel got up and knelt in front of Quinn, taking her hands.

“Honey, we might never know what made your father –“

“Don’t call him that! He’s NOT my father anymore!” Quinn exclaimed.

Rachel had a good guess what Quinn said, even though she couldn’t read all the words from her girlfriend’s lips.

“We might never know what made him turn so violent, Quinn. But it wasn’t your fault. Nothing you did gave him reason for threatening us.”

Rachel knew that Quinn already started to rake her brain to find a reason to blame herself. Ever since she was a little girl, she had always tried to please him, to make him proud. If he wasn’t satisfied, she tried harder. In her own eyes, it was always her fault if she disappointed him and not his ridiculously high expectations. Only later she realized how unreachable some of Russell’s values and expectations had really been. Still, this last incident triggered those early childhood conditionings again.

Santana busied herself quickly in the kitchen, brewing some coffee. Before that she had taken the liberty of calling Quinn’s mom, quickly filling her in on what had happened. Judy was more than shocked, asking numerous times if the girls were ok. It took all of the Latina’s convincing that Quinn’s mom didn’t jump on the next plane to come over. Santana’s argument was that Judy should contact her lawyers and discuss getting a restraining order. That was also what the policeman had advised. He wasn’t sure how long Russell would stay in custody, but filing a complaint over what had happened and having the pictures as proof, might help.

Santana decided not to tell Quinn that bit of information yet. The blonde – and Rachel – were still too shaken up to deal with anything else. The Latina placed a cup in front of Quinn and Rachel.

“Here, drink this. It’s my special recipe.”

Quinn looked at the cup and pulled a face. “I can imagine what is in there.”

“Drink it, it will help.” Santana said simply.

Quinn lifted the cup and took a big gulp.

“Whoa, what the hell have you put in there? Tequila?”

To clarify for Rachel, she signed: _Santana spiked the coffee._

Santana took a seat opposite from Quinn, reading her old friend like an open book. “Quinn, don’t start with the cogs in your head. Rachel is right. Nothing you did was a reason for him to lose his marbles. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to see your own father react like that, but Quinn, that man is not your dad anymore. Something happened that turned him into this lunatic that came here threatening you and Rachel over something that a normal person would be happy about!”

“I know. I know all that in my head! But here,” she pointed at her chest, “I cannot understand it. It hurts. It hurts so much. Why can’t he just be happy? Why is it so hard for him to accept me – and Rachel – as we are? What is so wrong about it?”

Santana had interpreted for Rachel.

The brunette jumped in. “There is nothing wrong with us. Everything is all right. We,” and she pointed at all three of them, “are perfect the way we are. Quinn, don’t berate yourself. This will take time to sink in. No one expects you to digest what has happened within the next five minutes. Don’t ever start to doubt yourself. Ok?”

Quinn nodded and chewed her lower lip.

Rachel pulled her close and embraced her. “Thank you for defending me. That was very brave of you,” she said in a low voice.

Quinn started sobbing and again Santana interpreted. I couldn’t let him hurt you! When he touched you, I only wanted to get you out of his reach, no matter what.

“I know, I know,” Rachel tried to sooth her; she herself was still shaken up by what had happened, but she understood that for Quinn the whole ordeal was even harder to cope with.

Even Santana was more subdued than usual after the events of the day. She knew about the psychological twist that had kept Quinn tied to her dad for so long, even after he had her evicted from her own home when she became pregnant. She also knew that it would take a long time for her friend to get over this, if ever. Santana shook her head and sighed. And she thought her family was messed up.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Later in the evening the three girls tried to distract themselves by watching a movie on TV. But none of them really paid attention to the action on the screen.

At one point, Quinn sagged against Rachel and buried her head in her arms.

“Oh god, I threatened my father with a knife. I threatened my own dad. Oh god!”

She started sobbing and couldn’t hold the tears back. Rachel threw a questioning look at Santana and rubbed Quinn’s back with one hand. She felt that Quinn had said something.

Santana quickly signed the words to her.

“Oh honey, I don’t know what happened to him, but this man that stood there wasn’t your daddy anymore. This wasn’t the man you grew up with and who held you as a child. Something in him changed and as hard as it may be to understand, you did the right thing. This man would and could have hurt you. Could have hurt either one of us.”

Rachel felt Quinn answer after a moment and again looked at the Latina who helped out. _Oh god, I was so afraid he’d hurt you, I was so scared that he would actually throw that chair at you or that he would break your arm when he held you in his grip._

The blond sat up and wiped her eyes. Her face took on a hard expression; she clenched her teeth and pressed her lips together.

Then she added with emphasis signing and speaking: “I swear that if he ever touches you again, either one of you, I will kill him!”

Rachel looked at Quinn and saw the determination flash in the hazel eyes.

“Quinn, he probably won’t get the chance to hurt us again. Even if there aren't any charges filed against him, his lawyer or a judge might propose some aggression therapy. Either way, I would hope that he takes that chance. And that you get a restraining order so that he is not allowed to come near you or any one of us either.”

Quinn nodded glumly. She needed protection from her own dad. How on earth did that ever happen? She needed to tell her mom about it and Francine. They needed to be warned. Since he hadn’t broken into her apartment and since he hadn’t seriously hurt anyone – yet, he was likely to be a free man again the next day.

Santana told her that she had already spoken to Judy and that her mother was in contact with her lawyers. That calmed Quinn a bit.

“Do you want to call your mom again?” Rachel asked gently, but Quinn shook her head.

She felt drained and dead tired. Knowing that everything had been taken care of so far, let her calm down a bit.

“No, I’m too tired. I will send her a quick message that we are ok, but that we’ll talk in the morning.”

Rachel nodded. She also felt like she had lead in her legs. The three of them hugged shortly and called it a night.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

They didn’t hear anything from Russell over the following days. Judy’s lawyers had finally managed to get a preliminary restraining order approved by a judge.

They took into account several incidences over past years to press on the seriousness of Quinn’s and Rachel’s protection. At least that gave the girls some peace of mind. Not that it made digesting the event any easier. But Quinn slowly started to push this to the back of her mind and focus again on the more important things in life, like her upcoming wedding.

A couple of days later, when Quinn asked Rachel something about the wedding and her girlfriend just nodded absentmindedly. The blonde got up from the couch and touched Rachel on the shoulder to get her attention.

_Rachel, can we talk?_

The brunette looked up. “Yeah, sure.”

Are you… Quinn lowered her hands for a moment before she continued. _Are you getting doubts about the wedding?_

“No! Why would you think that?”

Rachel saw the genuine concern in Quinn’s eyes.

Quinn shrugged. _I don’t know. You seem preoccupied with something. Is this still about Russell and what he said?_

Rachel shook her head. “No. I’m just a bit preoccupied with all the organizational details. We still need to find three hotel rooms for some relatives and …”

_That’s not what I meant,_ Quinn stated simply.

Rachel placed the list she was working on on the table and turned.

“Quinn, believe me, I’m not getting cold feet, if that’s what you are afraid of,” Rachel smiled.

She stepped forward and kissed Quinn’s lips. “How could I, with such a gorgeous, sexy wife?” she stepped even closer and opened a button on Quinn’s blouse, “So beautiful,” she opened the next, pressing her body against Quinn’s, stealing another kiss, “and so desirable.”

Quinn felt her breath start accelerating and heat rising between her legs. She grabbed Rachel’s head with both hands and kissed her back passionately. Rachel directed her towards the couch were both women soon landed on their backs, not taking their hands off each other, working themselves into a pre-nuptial frenzy of roving hands, searching lips and ragged breaths. After they lay sedated in each other arms, clothes strewn across the floor, Quinn threw her initial worries over board. Rachel lay next to her, fiddling with a blonde strand, lazily twirling it around her finger and thought to herself, how on earth she could ever tell Quinn what really worried her?


	8. 8

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 8**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel rushed out of the bathroom and finished packing her handbag. Then she came over to Quinn, who leisurely sipped her coffee sitting at the dining table.

“Hey honey!”The brunette bent down and kissed her girlfriend.

_Good morning,_ Quinn smiled

“Did I wake you?”Rachel had an early meeting with her agent, while Quinn had her day off.

The blonde shook her head. _No, I wanted to get an early start, have to run a couple of errands and want to call Beth._

“Tell her I said Hi.”

_I will._ Quinn watched Rachel move around the kitchen, taking a small gulp of coffee, before she grabbed her bag and rushed to the door. Then she stopped, turned, grinned and quickly came back to steal another kiss.

“Sorry, I’m running a bit late. Bye, see you later!”

Quinn chuckled and waved, watching Rachel dash out of the door. Then she leaned back and continued thumbing through the newspaper in front of her. Her eyes stopped at an advertising for a new musical. She grinned; it was her new project. The premiere wouldn’t be for another two months, but it couldn’t hurt to start informing people early enough, she thought.

 The new musical was a sort of biography of the greatest female and male Broadway stars in history. It wasn’t a medley of the biggest songs and shows; the focus lay more in the lives and key moments of the performers, so all songs used in the musical were original. It was quite daring, because many people probably expected the Broadway classics, but Quinn loved most of the songs already and she was sure that the audience would fall in love with them too.

 Quinn was very excited about the show. It allowed her to slip into different roles throughout the evening, portraying people who she admired. They had already started working on the new musical few months back and she loved diving head on into the new venture, experiencing different roles, learning about her characters, analyzing the music. That was what she actually loved best about her work, starting new projects, trying things out and learning about each of the characters. It gave her so much more freedom. Once the show was on stage, there was little room for change, everything was set into a certain frame. But during the first rehearsals everyone was more open to suggestions and willing to try things out.

 Rachel was a good sparring partner whom she could run ideas by, as the brunette was still a walking dictionary of all things and people Broadway related. Quinn had been hesitant to talk about it with her, but Rachel had probed and questioned her on her own, so the blonde had opened up more and more. It had been hard, and Quinn knew that it still was, for Rachel to talk about music and Broadway. But since she started pursuing her own acting career, she could at least still live part of her dream. And several incidences in the past had shown to Rachel that even though she couldn’t sing anymore or be part of the musical scene, it would still always be a part of her life. Be it through Quinn’s profession or her engagement at the school for the deaf where she took kids to a show and explained backgrounds, set up, rehearsal processes and so on.

 The harder Rachel had tried to push music out of her life, the faster it came rushing back to her, hitting her square in the face.

 Once she had learned to let go and accept the fact that she would always be confronted with it, made it much easier for her to live with.

  **~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

An hour later, Quinn settled with her laptop on the couch and clicked on Beth’s name in the contact list. Immediately she was rewarded with her daughter’s face appearing in front of her on the screen. Beth had also a day off, as there was a teacher’s conference at her school.

“Hey Beth! How are you? How was the tournament?” The blonde smiled at the small mirror image in front of her.

The blonde girl had started to take horse riding lessons, much to the surprise of everyone in the family. She used to make fun of her friends at school who –like many young girls –were completely into horses. Often this love dissolved once they became teenagers and interests veered into different directions.

A few months back though, Beth accompanied a very good friend to her horse riding lesson and when Jemma had asked her if she wanted to get up, Beth had said yes, much to her own surprise. But the bay American Quarter horse gelding seemed so gentle and looked really nice with his dark mane and tail. Besides, Western riding seemed so much cooler than the dressage she had seen on TV once and most of her other friends did. Gemma didn’t have to wear these tight and uncomfortable looking riding pants. She just wore Jeans and boots and the Western style saddle also looked so much more comfortable.

During Gemma’s lesson, Kerry, Gemma’s trainer, had explained a couple of things to Beth and the girl had many questions that the trainer patiently answered.

After the lesson, Beth mounted the horse with Kerry’s help. At first it had felt really shaky when the horse started moving, but soon she got used to it and started to move with the rhythm. Gemma led her along a couple of rounds in the arena and since Kerry still had some time, she gave a couple of tips regarding Beth’s posture and how to hold the reigns.

Soon after Beth became a regular visitor at the stable. Shelby wasn’t happy about the new hobby at first, but when she realized how much Beth started to love it and that she had quite a natural talent, she agreed to regular lessons.

The past weekend Kerry had organized a little tournament in the stable for her pupils and Beth had been really excited and happy to be asked to participate.

“Oh it was good!” The girl answered excitedly. “There were twenty-five competitors, all different ages, even adults. You know, Kerry trains all kinds of people, not just kids. But I came in seventh! Which is not so bad, because some of the others have been taking lessons for a long time and most have been going longer than me, so mom said I did really good.”

Quinn agreed. “Wow, seventh is great for a first try, congratulations! I wish I could have seen it. Did your mom record it?” Shelby appeared in the back ground, smiling.

“Yes I did, just sent you the video. She was really great!”Shelby placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Sorry I didn't send it sooner, we got home so late yesterday that I forgot.”

Quinn heard her phone buzz and saw the message from Shelby. “Don’t worry, I get to see it now and next time I will be there in person, ok?”

“Oh, you’ll love the horses. They are sooooo pretty!”

Quinn laughed at Beth’s enthusiasm. It wasn't a big surprise that she’d be interested in competing at sport and Quinn was sure with more practice, she would excel in it. Quickly she opened the video and angled the phone in such a way that Beth could comment on her performance.

Quinn had to admit that her daughter did look very good on the pretty bay horse with her black jeans, boots, red blouse and black cowboy hat. The horse wore a matching red saddle pad.

“Beth, I’m really proud of you! You really learned a lot in just a few weeks.”

Beth grinned at the praise. “Thanks.” The she blurted out: “If you ever have kids, you’ll have to let them take riding lessons as well. Horses are really great animals.”

“Beth!”Shelby exclaimed. “Maybe that is a decision you should leave to Quinn and Rachel, don’t you think?”

The girl hung her head. “Yes. Sorry mum.”

“Beth, it’s ok. Don’t feel bad. And I promise should we ever have kids, I will definitely consider it.” Quinn tried to cheer up the girl.

“Girls, I’ll leave you, I still have some work to do. Talk to you later this week Quinn.” Shelby chimed in and disappeared with a short wave.

With a look over her shoulder Beth made sure her mother was out of earshot. She chewed her lip before she dared to ask: “Quinn, have you and Rachel thought about having kids of your own?”

Quinn swallowed before thinking of how to answer that tricky questions.

“Well, yes. I did. But that is something that is a little hard to discuss over the internet. I’d rather talk to you about this when I see you in person. Is that ok?”

They had not told Beth the truth about her own background yet. Shelby and Quinn had decided that they would do it shortly after the wedding. Beth had already noted on several occasions that she looked more like Quinn than Shelby. Of course the girl had not made the connection, but the older she got, the more difficult it would probably be to explain. And both women did not want her to learn it from anyone else.

The girl nodded, even though a little disappointed. Still, she didn't let the topic go. There was one final question on her mind.

“If you have your own kids, will you still want to see me and talk to me?” She asked with wide eyes. It almost broke Quinn’s heart.

“Oh honey, of course I will. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that could ever keep me from spending time with you. I promise! You know I love you.”

Beth seemed reassured by the passionate answer. “Why are you crying?” She then asked and Quinn had to laugh. She wiped the stray tears away that her emotional outburst had caused to fall.

“Because I really mean what I say. You are important to me, you’re a very special person, Beth.”

“Why? Why am I so special for you?”

Just in that moment the door opened and Rachel came in. She was back earlier than expected.

Seeing Quinn sitting at the computer talking to Beth made her smile. She walked over to the couch and threw her bag on the dining table in passing.

“Hi Beth, Hi honey,”she kissed Quinn on the cheek. “I’m sorry I’m late. I thought I might have missed your call.”

“I didn’t think you’d be back so early. Did the meeting go well?” Quinn asked signing in parallel, a little relieved about the interruption.

“Yes. It did. That’s why I’m back sooner than I thought.”

Quinn let out a sigh of relief. Rachel could not have had a better timing. Still, she had to give an answer to that important question from Beth. It wouldn’t be right to ignore it. It obviously meant a lot to Beth. And it showed Quinn that it was definitely time to talk to her together with Shelby about their whole living situation.

“You are very special to me because I have known you since you were a little baby. I watched you grow up. You were and always will be an important part of my life. Sweetie, I’ll talk to your mom. Maybe you two can come to visit us a weekend shortly after the wedding. Then we can talk about this some more, ok?”

Beth nodded again. “Ok.”Then her face lit up. “You really think we can come visit you again so soon? That would be sooo great!”

“Yeah, I’ll check with your mom, ok? You want to talk to Rachel?”

For her girlfriend’s sake she had signed the latter part of the conversation and had interpreted Beth’s words. Rachel had a pretty good idea what this conversation was about and placed a reassuring hand on Quinn’s shoulder.

Quinn said her good byes, got up and grabbed her phone. She needed to talk to Shelby now. Quickly she explained by signing whom she was going to call. Rachel nodded and sat down in front of the laptop.

Since their first meeting in Lima, Beth had been interested in sign language and had acquired good communication skills over the past two years. Quinn and Beth had a regular date to keep in touch and most of the time, Rachel spent a couple of minutes chatting to her adoptive sister.

Beth was now ten years old and the older she got, the more she resembled her birth mother.

“Hi Beth, how are you?” Rachel asked Quinn’s daughter via Skype signing in parallel.

_I_ _’_ _m good. Can_ _’_ _t wait for summer vacation to begin. I_ _’_ _m so happy that I get to visit you both for the wedding and that I can come again for a couple of days during the summer to stay in the city with you both! And Quinn just said that we might come to again soon after the wedding!_

She wiggled in her chair with excitement. Rachel had to smile. She understood the anticipation and the fascination the city held for a young girl. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Quinn on her mobile pacing back and for the in the bedroom. Apparently she was speaking to Shelby, which meant that Rachel should keep the girl busy for a while.

Beth told her about the tournament as well and about her classes and friends. She in turn asked if Rachel had a new movie coming up and how they were getting along with the organization of the wedding. In between she typed a word or a sentence if she didn’t know the sign for it.

“Whoa Beth, you have a lot of questions,” Rachel laughed. She knew how much energy Beth had and sometimes it reminded her a little of herself when she was younger. She used to pepper people with a lot of questions, often not giving the other person time to breath. Laughing she tried to answer.

“Ok, let me start with the first one. I can’t say too much yet, but there might be another project for me in store. But don’t tell anybody. I haven’t even told Quinn. So this will be our secret, ok, pumpkin? Promise you won’t tell anybody?” She looked imploringly at the girl.

Beth nodded. _I promise! I swear, I won_ _’_ _t tell anybody. What is it? A movie?_

Rachel wagged her head. “Yes. But I can’t say anymore, ok?”

Beth nodded furiously. _But you_ _’_ _ll tell me once you get to say more?_

“I promise,” Rachel solemnly declared. “Now, regarding your second question, we have quite a lot to organize, but luckily we still have a few weeks. We still need to make a final decision regarding the food and the flowers…”

_I like forget-me-nots,_ Beth interrupted. _They have such a beautiful blue color._

Rachel smiled. She loved the girl’s enthusiasm. “That is true.” She admitted, expecting another tirade of questions. But instead she watched the girl grow thoughtful.

Rachel cocked her head. “Hey, what’s up,” she prompted after a moment. The rest of the questions seemed to be forgotten.

Beth shrugged. _Nothing really._ She fiddled with her keyboard, before she looked up. _I asked Quinn something and she said we will talk about it some other time._

“Well, maybe it was something that she didn’t want to discuss over the internet. You know, sometimes it is so much better to have the person in real life in front of you.”

_I know. But I only asked her if she wanted to have kids._

Rachel had guessed as much and also that this prompted the urgent call with Shelby and the planning of another visit. Before she could steer away from the topic, Beth asked another question.

_Can gay people have kids? And who would be the mom if you wanted kids? Quinn said she would want kids, but_ _…_ the blonde girl bit on her lip as if having said something she shouldn’t.

Rachel suppressed a sigh. Sometimes it could be hard dealing with ten year olds. They were more perceptive that adults gave them credit for and there was a lot more going on in their minds than one could ever guess.

“Beth, I really do think that this is something that is easier to discuss in person.”

Beth looked sullen. _Why? I only asked a simple questions. Do you want kids and how can you do it if there are just two moms? I know you need a guy to make babies. I_ _’_ _m not that little anymore._

Rachel had to smile. She realized that it would be better to give an honest answer than trying to change the topic. Honesty had always worked best with the little girl, she had learned early on.

“Beth, this is not so easy to answer. In principle, yes, I would love to have children. But there are quite a lot of factors that need to be considered, especially in my case.”

_Because you are deaf?_

“Yes.” Rachel paused for a moment. “I haven’t thought about how this might influence raising a child. I’m not saying that I can’t, I just need to think about how to compensate. Do you understand what I mean?”

Beth nodded after considering for a moment. “I think so.” Apparently she now understood better why the discussion was best left until they all saw each other and could cuddle up on the couch.

Luckily the girl remembered that she wanted to show Rachel some new signs she had learned, so they finally changed the topic and talked about lighter things. Soon after they ended the call.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel leaned back on the couch with a sigh when Quinn came around the corner, her mobile in her hand, also letting out a deep breath.

_So. The game is on then?_ The blonde tried to joke.

Rachel gave her a small smile.

“Yes, it seems so. Beth is so astute, she knows a lot more of what is going on than we think.”

Quinn plopped down next to Rachel and dropped her head on her shoulder. Lifting her hands she asked: _I think we really need to tell her about us. About Shelby and me. I_ _’_ _m just not sure how she_ _’_ _ll take it. Do you think this is the right time?_ She looked up.

Rachel turned slightly. “Yes. I think so. Better she hears it now from you and Shelby than if she learns it from someone else.”

Quinn nodded thoughtfully and leaned back.

After a moment of silence, Rachel said: “Beth mentioned that she asked you about having kids of your own. She told me you said yes?”

Quinn was stunned for a moment. Then she took a deep breath. _Yes. I hope to have kids one day. Don_ _’_ _t you?_ She turned a little to look at Rachel.

Rachel didn’t answer at first. Quinn watched her frown and then look at her hands. Gently she touched Rachel’s forearm. The brunette just shook her head. Quinn gently reached out and lifted her girlfriend’s chin.

_Rachel, what_ _’_ _s wrong?_ Quinn was genuinely concerned.

The petite woman licked her lips. She shrugged, then signed. _That whole kid-talk_ _…_ _. Can we not talk about that right now?_

_What do you mean? Kid-talk as in talking with Beth or as in having kids of our own?_

_No, this is not about Beth._

Quinn nodded, slowly understanding. _Is that what was bothering you these last few days? The thought about having kids?_

“Yes!” Rachel sat up.

Quinn felt that this might not be such a good moment to press on, but she also wanted to take away Rachel’s fears. She didn’t want to have this hanging over them in the run up to the wedding.

She placed a hand on the small of Rachel’s back before she signed: _Honey, please let_ _’_ _s not carry that around with us. I noticed that something was bothering you. Please talk to me._

Rachel turned away for a moment. She knew that she should talk about her fears and doubts. But just having managed to get her life back on course, she didn’t want to tackle another hurdle that her disability threw in the way. She just wanted to ignore it. But she knew that this would always be thrown back at her feet, no matter how much she tried to push it away.

_I don_ _’_ _t know if I want kids of my own, Quinn. If I want kids at all._

Quinn digested that for moment. _What happened Rachel? I remember some time ago you wanted kids. You even joked about that we should be careful about which of us should carry the child in case they turned out as lively as Beth. I really though you meant that._

_I did, but I changed my mind._

_Why? What happened? Are you afraid you wouldn_ _’_ _t be a good mother? Do you think we wouldn_ _’_ _t make good parents? Do you think our busy schedules are too much? What is it?_

Rachel saw the confusion and pain in Quinn’s eyes.

_Rachel, I don_ _’_ _t want to force anything, I just want to understand._

The brunette bit her lip. Then she signed slowly: _I don_ _’_ _t think that I_ _’_ _ll be ready to be a mother. Not now, not ever. I don_ _’_ _t think I could_ _…_ _I couldn_ _’_ _t_ _…_ _I couldn_ _’_ _t take care of a child the way I should._

She dropped her hands into her laps, then jumped up and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door.

Quinn blinked. Then she followed her girlfriend and found her face down on the bed staring out of the window.

_Rachel, everyone doubts they will do a good job. Parents worry that they won't manage to protect their children from the world and everything bad in it. Every parent wonders if they are ready and good enough. Just because you can_ _’_ _t hear, doesn_ _’_ _t mean you cannot be a good parent. I believe you_ _’_ _d be a wonderful mom. You are so loving and caring and courageous and talented and driven and just lovely, that every kid would be proud to have you as his or her mom._

She paused for a moment, watching Rachel digest her words. Then Quinn continued.

_I am so proud that you will be my wife soon, I wouldn_ _’_ _t want to share my life with anyone else. And we will tackle the challenges that having a child will bring together. We will find solutions._

Rachel still had doubts.

_I don_ _’_ _t know if I can do it. I don_ _’_ _t know if I want to do it. I will never be able to hear my child_ _’_ _s voice, I_ _’_ _ll never be able to sing them a lullaby, I will never know when he or she is crying, when something happens and they try to alert me._

Quinn gently kissed Rachel, cupping her face in both hands, before she answered.

_I understand that. But there are ways to overcome the problems. Or do you think that other parents with a handicap are not good enough parents?_

“No! I’m not saying they aren’t. I’m just not sure _I_ am.”

_Why Rachel?_

“I just told you! Aren’t you listening?”

_Yes, I am. But I am not hearing the real reason._

“What do you mean? I am deaf, that is the real reason. Raising kids is never easy and being a deaf parent will not make it easier.”

Quinn understood the dilemma Rachel was facing, but she had one other argument.

_Don_ _’_ _t you think our kids would love you whether or not you can hear? Do you think they would rather not be on this world just because one of their parents is deaf?_

Rachel opened her mouth, but couldn’t find the right words.

_Well, do you? Do you think a child shouldn't be born because one of his parents might not be perfect?_

“That’s not what I mean and you know it! I just have enough to do with my own life, I cannot think about raising children now.”

_Rachel, no one says we should have children now or next year. We are still young. Both of us still have our careers we want to pursue further. I_ _’_ _m not talking about any timeframe here. Just tell me honestly, don_ _’_ _t you ever want children?_

“What if I say no? Will that impact your decision to marry me?”

Quinn was taken slightly aback. Slowly she shook her head. _No, it would not. I_ _’_ _m just wondering why this thought is bothering you so much. I have a feeling that deep inside your heart you always wanted children. You still do. You are just afraid of the challenge that it might present and I understand that there will be things to consider and to think about. But leaving all that aside, what does your heart tell you?_

The blonde got up from the couch and looked at Rachel, their eyes locking. _You don_ _’_ _t have to tell me. Just be honest with yourself._ She gave her a short smile and walked into the kitchen.

Rachel slumped back on the couch, thinking about Quinn’s words. She remembered the scene that Quinn had mentioned earlier. Beth had visited them as a surprise for Quinn’s birthday. The blonde little girl had jumped on their beds, early in the morning, before either of them was truly awake.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

_A year earlier._

It was the morning after the Tony Award show. Shelby and Beth had come over from their hotel early in the morning and Santana had let them in. Rachel had invited some more friends, since the night before was actually Quinn’s birthday. She had planned to surprise Quinn with a visit at a private concert from Emily Sandé, but the date for the Tony Award had to be moved due to some defect in the building and unfortunately it hit right on Quinn’s birthday.

But Rachel quickly recovered and rearranged her plans, inviting the friends over for a great breakfast the next day.

Always eager to see Quinn and Rachel, the blonde girl had cannonballed into the bedroom and onto the bed that morning, before anyone could stop her. Luckily the two women had already been awake and could soften the love attack from Beth. Still, one of the girl’s knees landed on Quinn’s stomach which the blonde only managed to comment laughing with an “Ompfh!”

They cuddled together and talked about the evening for a while.

Then the girl looked at Rachel.

"You looked very pretty last night. Were you nervous when you had to go up on stage? Did you know about the award? Were these people who gave the award to you your friends?" The questions bubbled out of Beth's mouth in rapid succession.

Rachel had received an honorary award for her performance in Funny Girl before her accident. It had been a surprise for everyone and Rachel almost hadn’t found the courage to go up on stage to accept it.

Quinn lifted herself up and scooted back to lean against the headboard of the bed..

Rachel gratefully noticed Quinn stop the torrent of words with a comment, signing in parallel.

"Now, Beth, you remember that you have to sign, if you are talking to Rachel, right?"

"Oh!" Beth duck her head. Then she looked up again, sorting her little hands.

_Sorry. I forgot!_

"That's ok, Beth," Rachel smiled at the excitement the girl radiated. She lifted her own hands. "Now, what did you want to know?"

Before the girl could answer, another head appeared in the doorframe.

"Good morning, sorry to barge in like that. Is Beth bothering you? I couldn't stop her," Shelby explained with an apologetic shoulder shrug.

"No,”Quinn shook her head laughing. She gave her daughter a hug and pulled her down to tickle her.

Beth squealed and squirmed, trying to get away from the offending hands.

"Stooooop! Stooooooooooop, puleeeeeezzz," she managed between fits of giggles.

Rachel jumped in to help Beth and soon all three were involved in a nice pillow fight.

Santana came to check if the two women were finally ready to greet their guests, held up her hands in mock offence, turned with a roll of her eyes and ventured back into the kitchen. Shelby grinned and followed her.

After a couple of minutes all three of the bed fighters lay sprawled across the mattresses, panting and gasping for air.

"That was fun!" Beth exclaimed with a huge grin on her face.

They took another couple of moments to catch their breath, before Quinn gently reminded the little girl:

"You wanted to ask Rachel something?”

"Oh yeah, right! You were so pretty, too Quinn! But it was sad that you didn't win as best singer! At least you got a Tony for the whole musical that's great!"

"Yes, I'm really happy about that," Quinn grinned.

The singer's hands never rested during the small exchange, giving Rachel the chance to be part of the conversation.

Beth then repeated her original questions with Quinn's help, as she didn't know all the signs. Rachel tried to answer as honestly as possible and that seemed to satisfy Beth's curiosity.

_Did you know that they played your song at the end?_ Beth then wanted to know.

"Yes." Rachel inclined her head, looking at Quinn, then back at the girl. "Quinn told me."

In a spurt of girlish tenderness, Beth hugged the brunette, mumbling against her neck, while Quinn gave form to those words with her hands.

_It sounded very beautiful! And I'm glad that the other people gave you an award. I think you deserved it, really!_

"Awww," Rachel was touched. "Thank you, Beth!" She gave the small girl a gentle squeeze, before letting go.

Beth, back to her energetic self, jumped from the bed and dashed through the door, shouting over her shoulder: "I'll check if breakfast is ready!" leaving two smiling women in her wake.

"Wow. If you were like this when you were young, we definitely have to talk about whom of us is having the kids," Rachel mumbled while getting up and grabbing some clothes. At the door she turned and held out her hand towards a stunned Quinn.

Rachel didn't know that it was possible to stutter in sign language, but Quinn displayed a good equivalent of it. With an amused expression on her face the brunette watched her girlfriend's reaction to her comment about having children.

_You_ _…_ _you_ _…_ _I mean_ _…_ _we_ _…_ _kids?_ She ended lamely and then a smile slowly appeared on her face as if she started to like the idea.

Rachel laughed. "Yes. Well, not right now. Right now, I have food on my mind and….. you a little," she stated and went back to pull her girlfriend up, leaning in to the approaching lips to catch a kiss. She kicked the door close with her foot.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Rachel had to smile at the memory. It was true. Beth had reacted in the most natural way regarding her deafness. She had just accepted it as a fact and had started to learn to sign. Maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult with their own kids if they grew up with it from the beginning.

Rachel didn’t have to look for any answers. She knew them, her heart knew them. Her mind was just too afraid. She remembered her mantra from the early months after the accident. Just one step at a time. Just one day after another. That always seemed to have worked. _No more dramas in your head, Rachel, face what is real and don_ _’_ _t think about the imaginary negative things that haven_ _’_ _t actually_ _happened,_ she told herself.

She wanted kids. She had always wanted children. But right now, she wasn’t sure how their unusual circumstance would influence their kid’s life. First there was the fact that Quinn and she were quite well known. Then the fact that they were a gay couple and one of their kid’s parent’s would be deaf on top; Rachel wasn’t sure if all this wouldn’t complicate their children’s lives more than necessary.

On the other hand, Quinn was also right. Just because some circumstances might not be ideal for kids, it didn’t mean that it would actually be a bad idea. For a moment she imagined what it would have been like if one of her dads had a disability; she wouldn’t have loved him less or thought negatively about life being more complicated as a result. It would just have been a fact. And if she and Quinn became more famous as a result of their professions, they would also find a way to deal with it.

There was not patented recipe for parenting, neither did optimal circumstances ever exist. It was much more important that you taught your kids the right values and ways to deal with whatever life threw in front of you, the positive and negative. It was important to be there for them and support them to live the life they desired.

Recent events had shown her how things could turn out if you held on too much to your own wishes and did not respect those of your child. Russell was proof of that.

The positive example had been her dads. They had always supported her in following her dreams. They took her seriously. This had always helped to keep an open and honest bond between them.

Rachel sighed.

There wasn’t a perfect answer to the whole topic. She was glad she didn’t have to make a decision right now. They’d just have to wait and see. One step at a time.


	9. 9

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Chapter 9

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

It was the Tuesday evening of the week of their impending wedding. Rachel lay in her bed, unable to sleep. Next to her she watched Quinn’s peaceful face while the blonde still resided in slumber. It had taken Quinn quite some time to fall asleep, but she had finally managed to find some rest after the hectic day with final preparations and show rehearsals. Rachel still had too many thoughts chasing around her head to find some sleep.

Part of her felt like she was living in a dream. She had found love, had wonderful friends, a great supportive family and had managed to get her career back on track. They had planned a beautiful ceremony the following Saturday and she was really looking forward to the celebration. She was happy that so many people she loved would come to share this special day with them. Old friends and new ones, friends from school and work. Still, Rachel was a little bit apprehensive regarding the large crowd that would surround her.

Even though most of her close friends and relatives had learned or were still learning to sign, not all of them took the pains or felt comfortable with it. Large groups were usually exhausting for her, especially if everyone wanted to talk with you and share some time. Rachel also knew that Kurt had planned for the music and, she was also sure, that their Glee friends would perform the one or other song. It would not be easy to just watch them and not being able to join in.

Dancing without music would also be something she was not really looking forward to. She knew that everyone expected a dance of the newlyweds. She had danced on a couple of occasions, on her own and with Quinn after the accident, but it was still a concept that she had to get used to. It was easy if she could at least feel the beat or know which song was playing. So far, no one had directly asked her about the dance at the reception. Everyone tiptoed around the topic, not sure if it was ok to ask, which was weird, Rachel thought.

Rachel and Quinn had established a common practice to openly discuss things, and when family and other friends noticed how much easier that made dealing with Rachel’s deafness, they adopted the method as well. Rachel’s dads had even started to make fun at her expense. Once they were discussing something were the brunette had a totally different opinion than her dads.

“That’s falling on deaf ears,” Hiram had thrown into the round with a lopsided grin, half expecting an angry or hurt rebuke. But Rachel had only snorted and then laughed out loud. She understood that her fathers had come a long way and making that little – even though somewhat lame – joke showed her that they had really started to accept the situation and tried to make the best of it.

So why was everyone shy about asking her about the dance? Could she still dance? At the Perfect Beat Club that they had visited twice more since her birthday a year and a half years ago, it was different. The name of the club said it all. There was no way one could not feel the beat and start moving with it. But the volume was cranked up all the way there, not something they could do at their wedding.

Besides, the waltz wasn't usually accompanied by such a heavy beat. Not being able to go back to sleep, Rachel got up and wandered into the living room.

_~~~ ~~~ ~~~_

Quinn felt some movement besides her and still half asleep noticed that Rachel got up, hoping, her girlfriend would soon join her back in bed. But Rachel left the bedroom and after a while, the blonde heard movements coming from the apartment. Maybe Rachel was preparing some tea. She seemed to have a hard time falling asleep lately, Quinn had noticed.

She listened again, ready to drift back to sleep. It didn’t sound like Rachel was preparing some tea. Quinn couldn’t quite picture what her soon to be wife was doing so she curiously got up and moved closer to the source of the sound.

She stopped in the hallway when she got a glimpse of the brunette. Rachel didn’t notice her standing there. She seemed caught in her own world, slowly and gracefully moving to some inner rhythm, an inner melody.

Quinn licked her lips as she could not tear her eyes away from that sight.

Rachel was wearing her pajama pants with thin light blue and white stripes and a white tank top, which set off her darker skin and chocolate brown hair as it flowed freely around her shoulders with her movements. Her bare feet lightly stepped across the wooden floor, causing a little creak here and there. She moved her arms in a wide arch over her head, turning, lifting one leg with pointed toes horizontally upwards. Then she relaxed and pirouetted slowly. Finding a perfect stance again, she then arched her upper body a bit, lifted her right leg behind her, holding on to the ankle of her now bent leg.

Calmly she bent a little forward, holding herself for a moment in perfect balance, looking so incredibly sexy in that position that Quinn had a hard time controlling her breathing. Rachel let go of her foot, slowly lowered her leg, pirouetted around herself again to bend down with stretched legs, her forehead touching her knees. Slowly she straightened her posture again, letting her arms glide along her body until she bent backwards and lifted her hands above her head.

Quinn followed the flowing movements with her eyes, shamelessly spying on her girlfriend. She watched her move quickly across the expanse of the living room with graceful dance moves and step patterns. The blonde wondered if Rachel heard any music in her mind and if she did, what it was because she felt incredibly turned on by the show of shiny skin and lean muscles.

Rachel had lost some weight in the time after her accident, but started to get back in shape when having taken up some of her training again. Also, she had immensely improved on her balance which in the beginning after the accident had not been really there. Due to the destruction of the small bones in her inner ear, among others, she had felt quite nauseated and dizzy. After a few months though, the dizzy spells had vanished and Rachel had regained her balance and lately even more so, judging by the figures Quinn witnessed her performing.

Pirouetting again twice she then ended in a little jump, spreading her legs wide and almost horizontally one to the front, one to the back. Surprisingly softly she landed on her two feet, wobbling just slightly and ended the dance routine in a small curtsey bow. She let her upper body bend down again, her hands touching the floor and sighed.

“Ugh, I’m out of shape.”

Looking through her slightly open legs she spotted her audience standing in the background. She jerked up and then smiled a little embarrassed at her girlfriend. Quinn bowed and reached a hand out to Rachel.

_May I have this dance?_ She raised an eyebrow.

Rachel frowned for a moment. Then slowly stretched out her arm, taking the offered hand.

Before Quinn placed her arm around the other woman’s waist, she signed: _Remember ‘Open Arms’ by Journey?_

Rachel nodded and laughed. “How could I ever forget a Journey song?”

Quinn mouthed o _ne, two, three_ and took the first step, gliding across the living room with her girlfriend in her arms, quietly singing the song.

At first the brunette was a bit tense, but Quinn’s secure steps and her arms around her quickly dissolved the tension and Rachel let herself be led through the dance. She felt comfortable in Quinn’s arms and the blonde mouthed some of the songs first words so Rachel could tune into the rhythm the blonde used to lead her.

After a few moments Rachel felt comfortable enough to have logged on to the movements, that she leaned her head against Quinn’s shoulder and sighed contently.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,” she whispered and felt Quinn kiss her forehead.

Having her arms still around Rachel, she wasn’t able to answer right away. The blonde slowed their movements after a while and then kissed Rachel again.

_I wasn’t completely asleep yet and I felt you getting up again. Too many thoughts in your head?_ The blonde asked with her hands.

Rachel nodded, “Yes. I’m a little worried how our change of plans is going to be received by our friends and family.”

Quinn gave her and understanding half smile. _I know. I had the same thoughts. But you know what? We do this for us. If we feel that this is how we truly want to share this most important moment of our lives, them this is ok. We’ll be ok. And so will the rest of the family._

“You’re right. I’m happy that we took that decision. It feels right. I want to focus on you during that moment and not having to worry about everyone else.”

She waved slightly at her ears during the last part of the sentence. Quinn understood. A wedding was always a beautiful moment and family and friends would have certain reactions. Some might cry, some might laugh and it would be hard for Rachel to gauge the whole atmosphere while concentrating on Quinn or someone else signing.

“You really think they’ll understand?” Rachel frowned and looked up into the hazel eyes.

Quinn smiled. _I’m sure they will, once we explain it to them._ She kissed the full lips.

Rachel sighed. “Your word in God’s ear. Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

A small mischievous grin curled her lips upward. “Maybe we can practice a little for the wedding night?”

“Mmmhmmmm,” Quinn purred, nipping at Rachel’s earlobe. _Maybe we can,_ she then formed with her hands, letting herself being pulled back into the bedroom.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Two days later, both young women plus Santana found themselves a little north of the city on the private estate of one of Santana’s wealthier customers.

The estate also featured a small private chapel. When Santana had told Jake some weeks ago that friends were looking for a location to get married, he had been willing to offer the small church for the ceremony. As he was always traveling a lot and hardly ever at home, he had started to rent out the chapel plus the small guest house next to it for family celebrations. Luckily it was free for the evening they had in mind so it was perfectly suitable for Quinn’s and Rachel’s plan.

Even though it was not an actual church wedding, the official from the City Clerk’s Office in New York had agreed to hold the formal ceremony at this location.

The only person who knew the plan was Santana. Quinn and Rachel had told her and she immediately agreed to support them. They needed a witness and also someone who could help interpret during the ceremony.

The small building was placed in a park like estate, far enough away from the main house and separated from it by beautiful old oak trees. The small guesthouse, made of yellow sandstone, like the chapel, was close by, but also hidden a bit from view by blooming rhododendrons. It was a beautiful layout and would ensure perfect privacy for them. The sun was setting and dusk fell when the three women arrived at the gate of the estate.

Slowly the limousine crept up the winding driveway, past some old and immense oak trees. Then it drop them at the beginning of a short stone path that would bring them towards the chapel. Santana had arranged for lanterns with candles to be placed left and right of the path to the small building. The sky projected a display of colors, cascading from darker blue to baby blue into yellow, orange and fire red where the sun just set below the horizon. The air smelled of flowers and a light breeze brushed the women’s skin gently.

Rachel took a deep breath and soaked in the beauty of the moment. A smile curved her lips and she cupped Quinn’s chin gently in one hand.

“This is so perfect,” she whispered against her lover’s lips. Quinn kissed her back and nodded.

“Yes it is,” she answered simply, knowing Rachel could read the short sentence from her lips. Santana stood behind them, taking a picture of them with the backdrop of the church and the candles.

She knew that this would turn out beautifully, with the two women painted in dark silhouette against the lit background. She took another beautiful shot from the side where their faces were lit by the glowing candles.

Rachel and Quinn had inspected the place before; they wanted to make sure the location for the ceremony would be perfect and once they had seen it, they knew that the Latina had not exaggerated when she described it to them. Even in broad daylight it was a wonderful place, but Santana had outdone herself with the simple but very effective decoration for this special night. It was perfect. Just like they wanted. Nothing overrated and fancy, only natural beauty and nothing else to disturb them.

Another small breeze picked up the hem of their dresses and Quinn heard the small rustling sound the fabric made as it rubbed against their legs. They had chosen their outfits together, not wanting to risk a clash of colors. Quinn’s dress was lavender silk, with small straps on her shoulders, tailored at the waist, falling in a flowing motion below her knees. On her bust were small Swarovski gems embroidered in a delicate, but unobtrusive pattern. The light of the candles was reflected by them and it gave Quinn an air as if her inside was glowing. Which expressed how she felt at that moment when she looked at Rachel.

Rachel’s dress was similarly cut, but of a darker color, reaching a deep and dark purple. Her dress had a neck halter that elegantly would around her neck in a slender, standing collar fashion. The satin of her dress also shimmered warmly in the beautiful light. Quinn had asked Rachel to wear her hair down and just a small clasp held a few strands back on the right side. The blonde’s hair was done up in a classic roll at the side that ended in a bun at the nape of her neck. Small pearl earrings adorned her ears, while Rachel wore two small diamond earrings that had belonged to her grandmother.

Santana reached behind her into the car and retrieved two small bouquets of flowers which she handed her friends.

“Thank you Santana,” Rachel hugged her, smiling. “This means a lot to us. Thank you for helping us with this. It’s really beautiful.”

“Yes, Santana,” Quinn added, giving a small wave with her hand, taking in their whole surroundings, “I couldn’t have found a more beautiful spot. We are really, really indebted to you for organizing this.” She also drew her friend in a hug.

“Aw, come on girls, that was nothing. Besides, I really loved doing this for you. Anything for my family,” Santana answered with a sheepish smile, trying to wipe a traitorous tear away without them noticing.

She was moved to be the only person to be let in on the secret. Her dress was made of dark blue silk without a halter. It hugged the Latina’s figure and fell in a pencil form down to the mid of her shins. Quinn and Rachel had decided that they preferred the actual ceremony of getting married to be amongst themselves.

They didn’t want the distraction of friends and family. At first it had sounded harsh to their own ears, but this sacred moment was more important for them than anything in this world, especially after all they had been through together. It wasn’t that they didn’t want others so see their ceremony; it was rather that they wanted to concentrate only on themselves, not having to break the newly formed bond so quickly again by having to tend to their guests. They knew they would create havoc amongst their loved ones once they broke the news, but they hoped that they would understand. Besides, they still held on to the actual celebration they had planned and organized two days from now. They wanted to celebrate their unity with their friends and family, but just not during that one important moment; it was reserved for them and only them.

“Ready?” Santana asked. Quinn nodded and squeezed Rachel’s hand, who smiled back at her.

Together they started up the path towards the chapel. Also inside the only light was caused by candles. Lots of candles.The Latina never forgot that Rachel needed to be able to see people’s faces and signs during the ceremony.

The smell of wild flower bouquets and bees wax candles filled their nostrils. It was a beautiful aroma. The candles illuminated the room and the yellow sandstone was dipped in golden light. The appointed official of the City Clerk’s Office, Mr Santori, stood at the small, wooden altar and smiled expectantly at the small group.

Even though there were just four people assembled, the chapel did not seem empty. The light, the flowers, everything created a wonderful warm atmosphere. Santana watched her two friends take their places in the front and could not stop the goose bumps appearing on her skin.

This truly was a beautiful place and she thought that Quinn and Rachel had chosen wisely to take this moment for themselves. Not that all of their friends and family would share that opinion and be happy about missing out, but then again, their whole reunion was and would always be against all odds. Santana smiled. She could relate, never being the one who tried to fit in.

Mr. Santori greeted the women and welcomed them to the ceremony. After having applied for the marriage license and filling out the necessary documents, they had agreed that they would like an official ceremony, but not held by a clergy. With Rachel being Jewish and Quinn being catholic, they wanted to keep everything simple. They still held on to their faith and religious upbringing, but had decided that the actual service did not have to be held by either of the churches. It was nice though, that they did have the ceremony at a small church. It kind of made up for actually not having a real church service. Since it stood on private grounds and also belonged to a private family, there hadn't been any discussion about the type of service taking place. Besides, they intended to fulfill the Christian and Jewish rites at the celebration with their friends and family later. Now, they could just concentrate on each other.

The official documents were laid out on the altar so they could be signed appropriately. They had prepared and filled out the necessary papers required, but Quinn was so happy that it was now possible to do the final step with the last signature somewhere other than the official administration offices in downtown New York. It gave the whole union a much more beautiful setting. They had agreed that Santana would interpret the official’s words, while Quinn would sign for herself.

The Latina settled next to the official, half a step behind him. This way she wouldn’t hinder him, but Rachel could still see all her signs without having to look away from him. Santana had also chosen a darker color for her dress, because her hands could be seen much easier by Rachel; the contrast of her skin against the dark fabric. Santana smiled at them and started interpreting as soon as Mr Santori started speaking.

The official gave a beautiful and honest speech about the meaning of marriage and sharing the rest of their lives together.

“What does it say about you when you give to someone else? It says you care. It says you value them. It says you’ve considered them, and given them time and attention. In short you’ve got off your own agenda and put yourself firmly on theirs. And in today’s world that’s quite a statement. I always cherish these moments when I am able to witness that two people love each other and want to give themselves to each other. The commitment and responsibility and love and joy is what fills lives in the most wonderful way. You have to open up to life, you have to be courageous to let your walls down and invite some in to share your life.”

Rachel smiled. She knew exactly what he meant. She had erected some high walls in the past. Mr Santori also explained some official parts again, like their rights and responsibilities. It was a formality, but he managed to envelope it in a fitting manner, choosing wise words.

Before they exchanged the vows, he cited a beautiful poem from an unknown poet.

“I have chosen this poem, because it seemed to me very fitting to both your circumstances. I like hearing about the lives of the couples I am about to wed, because it makes it easier to find the right words. It is called Vivid Life by an unknown poet.” He looked at the both women, before beginning to recite.

“Modest joy, sometimes an inner tremor,  
lighting up  
In joyous expectation of what might, will should, could come.  
Holding back of emotions – and still it is knocking.  
It’s knocking at the door of inner vividness,  
That turns in the frame of learned restraint.  
  
If I want to live full of joy, intensive, heartfelt and erect,  
I mustn’t search for protection, for safety –  
I have to jump without a net;  
I have to present life the naked chest with open arms!  
To make myself vulnerable also means to truly open up  
To the fullness of life, to all its aspects and levels.  
I want to follow the inner pull, the subtle call.  
  
The inner child wants to be seen and resurrected,  
wants to be freed from its hideout.  
It wants to live and be what it is.  
The path can be stony and I feel that it needs courage and trust.  
It can lead into freedom, through all colors of experiences,  
Through deep fear and wild joy, through vulnerability, hope  
Openness, spontaneity, heaviness and lightness, truthfulness and clarity.”

He paused and gave some time for the words to settle, for the meaning to sink in. Rachel and Quinn held each other’s hand and both were deeply touched by the rawness and honesty in the verses. The official continued after another moment. He knew by the expression on the two women’s faces that he had chosen wisely. It wasn’t a poem he recited lightly, but for this wedding it had seemed fitting.

“Deciding to share a life with another person, to commit to a life together, to commit to the responsibility, to the joy and pain, to the ups and downs, problems and solutions, to love and being loved, means to truly offer life the naked chest, as it says in the poem.” He smiled. “Only then you will truly know each other and truly grow together. Offer each other your unguarded inner self, open up, embrace and learn. Never fear! And if you do, see fear as a companion who helps you find the right way, but never let it lead you astray or stand in your way. When we love, we often also fear. Fear that we are not loved back, that we hurt the person we love or that we might lose that love.”

He waited for Santana to finish signing.

“You have presented each other your heart, you have provided a home and a sanctuary for each other. Never fear to fight for it, defend it, and nurture it. But never try to inhibit it, reign it in or tune it down. Be true to yourselves and you will always be true to each other. Honesty and openness are important if you want to keep growing and growing together. Always be proud of your love, show it openly and most importantly,” he grinned before continuing, “always remember to kiss.”

When he finished he gave the two women a moment again to digest the words and to make sure, Santana had finished signing. Santana chuckled quietly when delivering his last words and Rachel threw a daring look at Quinn from under her lashes, telling her silently that this was something she’d definitely never forget. Quinn breathed in slowly, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach that have been flying all day, but definitely became more agitated after receiving that look from the chocolate brown eyes.

The blonde closed her eyes for a brief second, letting the words go through her mind again. She had liked Mr. Santori the first time they had met to discuss the necessary documents and organizational details. She had a feeling that he took his job seriously and she was truly touched by his words. It didn’t sound like he recited them at every ceremony, they felt as if he had chosen them individually. He had been interested in their story, and she and Rachel had willingly shared it. He seemed to have truly understood the sometimes difficult path the two women had walked. When he had asked them about the first thing that had truly told them they had crossed the threshold from friendship to lovers, both Quinn and Rachel had answered in unison: “The kiss,” referring to the first kiss they had shared at Quinn’s place during their first shared dinner.

“You have prepared vows to exchange, I understand?” Mr Santori then asked.

Quinn and Rachel nodded. Rachel turned towards Quinn and quickly cupped her cheek with one hand. She would have liked to hold her hand or keep any physical touch while the exchange. But that would have hindered her in signing. So after a moment she took her hand away. Quinn instantly missed the warmth, but the feeling of Rachel’s hand still lingered with her.

Rachel lifted her hands, accompanying her own words with signs.

“Quinn, you are my lover and my teacher,   
You are my model and my accomplice,   
And you are my true counterpart.   
I will love you, hold you and honor you,   
I will respect you, encourage you and cherish you,   
I promise to be your lover, companion and friend,   
Your partner in parenthood,”

Rachel smiled shyly at the last sentence and Quinn squeezed her shoulder gently.

“I will be your ally in conflict,  
Your greatest fan and your toughest adversary.  
I will be your comrade in adventure,   
Your student and your teacher,   
Your consolation in disappointment,   
Your accomplice in mischief.   
My door with always be open for you and your beautiful soul.   
My walls will never exclude you,   
With you I create my home,   
With you, I venture out into this world.   
You are my strength, my breath, my light.   
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things.   
For all the days of my life. Always.”

Quinn felt the tears stream down her cheeks at hearing these beautiful words. They touched her deep in her heart and she felt such a contentment and fulfilment at this very moment that she almost thought her heart would explode. She needed a moment to collect herself before she could go on.

Santana handed her a tissue and Quinn dabbed her tears with one hand away while Rachel held her other. She looked at Quinn with such beautiful, warm eyes and her love for the blonde was reflected in them so deeply, that Quinn found it hard to breathe.

“I love you so much, Rachel,” Quinn burst out and pulled her lover’s hand to her lips to kiss it lightly.

Then she forced herself to close her eyes for a moment. She needed to collect herself to be able to deliver her vows. It was so important to her that Rachel understood those words. She took a deep breath and slowly let go of Rachel’s hand and lifted her own to sign again.

“Rachel, you see me like no one else does,   
You bring out the best of me and you believe in me.   
You showed me true love and acceptance.   
I learned that your love will always help me grow   
That love is not there to hurt, but to heal.   
Through you, I became a better me.”

Quinn had to pause and take a deep breath before she could continue.

"I promise to encourage your compassion,   
Because that is what makes you unique and wonderful.   
I promise to nurture your dreams,   
Because through them your soul shines.   
I promise to help shoulder our challenges,   
For there is nothing we cannot face if we stand together.   
I promise to be your partner in all things,   
Not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole.   
Lastly, I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust,   
For one lifetime with you could never be enough.   
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things.   
I promise above all else to live in truth with you   
And to communicate fully and fearlessly.

Should you ever be at a loss for words,   
Should you ever get locked out from yourself,   
I will find the key and I will always find the way back through to you.   
I give you my hands-”

She smiled at that, knowing that especially for Rachel this had an additional meaning.

“- and my heart As a sanctuary of warmth and peace.”

Now it was Rachel’s turn to cry.

All these words held such true meaning and such love that she didn’t know how to contain her own love for that woman who bravely had stood with her through all her ups and downs, who had saved her life and who had shown her true happiness. Both women weren’t sure if they broke any protocol, but on impulse they pulled each other in a fierce hug and held each other for a while. They felt each other’s heart beat and that short moment was instant bliss, it felt as if they were one, as if the last part of their souls had melted together.

Santana had to fight the tears herself. She grinned and wondered how on earth these two women had managed to turn her into a total mush. It was the third time she was crying in one day.

That was a world record for her. But even Mr Santori was touched by the display of open affections.

He gave them another moment and when the two women had regained their composure, he concluded the ceremony and asked the two women to sing the last of the marriage papers. Santana also put her signature down as witness.

After the last formality they exchanged their rings. They were both simple, matt silver bands, but Rachel’s held a small diamond in the shape of a star and Quinn’s was formed in the shape of a sun. They had both chosen these symbols for each other not letting the other see it before they exchanged it. Rachel’s star had so many meanings and she smiled fondly as she stroke light finger over it. In high school she had always placed a small golden star behind her name every time she signed something. Later, friends of her had given her a special name sign in ASL, meaning ’star’. Rachel in turn had chosen Quinn’s symbol as a sing of light.

She had pulled Rachel out of the darkest of times and had served as a beacon of light for her. Also, Rachel had given her the ASL name sign that stood for ‘light’. Handing them the documents, Mr Santori concluded the ceremony.

“See these vows not only as promises but also as privileges; you get to laugh together and cry together; care for each other and share with each other. You get to run together and walk together; build together and live together. You get to cherish each other’s individuality and value each other’s opinions. And the best of all, you get to love each other. Congratulations!" Quinn and Rachel beamed happily at these wise words.

“Thank you for wonderful words, Mr Santori,” Rachel said as he stepped closer to congratulate them.

“Thank you very much, this really was a beautiful ceremony,” Quinn also added. “And thank you for coming all the way out here.”

Mr Santori smiled. “You’re welcome. I always love to see different places and I understand the wish for couples to fulfil this part not in a dusty old New York office.” He laughed. “And even though this was not a real religious service, this location is truly beautiful.Take care and have a wonderful evening. Enjoy the celebration with your friends and family later as well.”

“Oh they will,” Santana chimed up, which made them laugh.

Mr Santori gathered his things and left and with a formal handshake.

“All the best for you, Mrs Fabray,” he turned to Rachel “and Mrs Fabray.” Then he laughed. “I always love that part,” he added and then left the small church.

Santana spread her arms and hugged their friends. She held Quinn in a strong embrace for a moment, then kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m really happy for you Quinn. I have always wished for you to meet someone who would see through your tough girl demeanor. Someone who would help you treat the wounds and scars your father left, someone who would help you look beyond your fears and doubts and someone who would help you grow and become the wonderful, caring, brave person you are. It’s good to see my wishes for you come true,” she smiled.

Before Quinn could respond, the Latina turned towards Rachel and pulled her into a fierce hug as well. Just like before, she signed along her words.

“Rachel, I know our paths haven’t always been clear of obstacles. Our early relationship was filled with anger, animosity and hurt, but I always admired your tenacity, your will to keep your chin up and your drive. I hoped that one day you would find some peace and someone who could keep up with you and your speed. Someone who would lift you up should you not be able to go on, someone who would share your dreams with you. Someone who would love all of you and accept the love you can give.”

Santana looked at both women. “You both have found your true soul mates and,” she laughed a bit embarrassed and wiped a tear away,” before I start bawling in front of you, I have to finish.” She shouted the next word without singing and was sure Rachel would understand what she said.

“CONGRATULATIOOOOOONS!”

The three of them laughed and cried at the same time and stood in a small circle, holding each other for a moment.

After the ceremony and the exchange of a long and passionate kiss, Quinn and Rachel slowly made their way back out of the little church. By now, darkness had set and stars glowed from a perfect firmament above. More lanterns had been lit in the meantime, guiding them through the small alley of pink and purple rhododendrons towards the guesthouse. Temperatures had not dropped, it stayed warm enough to sit outside and on the patio of the house a small table was set for two.

Santana skirted around the pair and pulled out the chair for each of them. Then she stood between them, lifting her hands to sign along.

“Ladies, you’ll have the rest of the evening for yourself, because I will make myself scarce now.”

She paused for a moment, taking on a serious expression.

“It was truly something very special to be allowed to share this moment with you and I’m more than happy to see you two happy and together.” She swallowed.

Quinn and Rachel knew that this was one of the rare moments where Santana showed her softer and vulnerable side.

“You are my best friends, my family and,” she smiled wickedly, turning back into her old self, “I would have kicked your asses from here to kingdom come had you not gotten your acts together again two years ago. I swear.”

Quinn and Rachel chuckled. “Yes, that’s what I feared,” Rachel answered still laughing and stood up again to give her friend another hug. “You truly are family, Santana, and I love you. You never accepted my boundaries and self-limitations and even though I hated you during some moments, today I can say that I don’t regret one thing that you and the rest of our friends told me honestly or made me do. You gave me back some of my freedom, Santana, and for that I will be forever grateful.”

“Nah,” Santana gave a dismissive wave with her hand and grinned, “I just did what I do best, being little old me.”

“And that’s how we love you, you dork,” Quinn added and pulled her friend close. “Thank you for helping us organize this. I can only repeat myself. You helped us turn this into the perfect moment that we will never forget.”

“And thank you for interpreting,” Rachel added. “That meant a lot to me.”

“I know,” Santana nodded, gave Rachel’s hand a short squeeze and took a deep breath, trying to keep all her emotions at bay. “Well, time for me to go and to leave you to your respective wives! Enjoy your dinner and, ahem, the night,” she added with a wink. “The limo will pick you up at two o’clock tomorrow afternoon. That will give you enough time to prepare for the “official” celebration with the rest of the bunch the day after tomorrow.”

She blew them a kiss and disappeared down the path, before either of them could say another word.

“Ever wonder when friends cross the boundaries and turn into family?” Rachel asked.

Quinn shrugged. _I don’t know. I guess when you share your live with them, when they go through all ups and downs with you, when they are never afraid to tell you that you are wrong - or right – when they never fear to see the worst of you – or the best._

“We are lucky to have such friends. That is for me the greatest gift, you know. Knowing that we have such wonderful people in our lives who care for us, who love us the way we are and who share their lives with us in return. This is what makes life worth living.” You make live worth living, Rachel, Quinn added with her hands.

“I guess we both help each other out here in that respect,” Rachel chuckled and leaned across the table to share a kiss with her wife.

Then she entwined their fingers and looked at the rings.

“Quinn and Rachel Fabray. That sounds lovely.”

_I still need to get used to the fact that you truly are my wife now. My w-i-f-e,_ Quinn signed and spelled the last word. _This is so amazing that I need to pinch myself every two seconds to see that this is really true!_

Rachel laughed. “Well, don’t pinch yourself too hard, I still want to enjoy my wife tonight as a whole.”

“Uhhh, yes,” Quinn smiled and threw Rachel a smoldering look from under her lashes.

They enjoyed their four course dinner and deliberately decided to take their time, letting the anticipation and excitement of the night to come build. There was only one staff member who unobtrusively served them food and drinks and seemed to anticipate their every wish.

Once the last bit had been polished away, the newlywed couple made their way up into their room. Another ice cold bottle of champagne awaited them with fruits of the season. Someone had brought up their luggage from the limousine earlier and again had lit lots of candles in the room.

The room lay on the first floor, above the patio where they had enjoyed their dinner. While they slowly took off their clothes, they heard the patio doors below them close. The candles outside still stayed lighted and the breeze played with the soft white silk curtain at the balcony door. They had learned that the staff would leave shortly after they had finished their dinner, ensuring complete privacy. And since no one else shared the guesthouse with them that night Quinn and Rachel had the place all to themselves. Should any need arrive, however, a service hand was only a short phone call away.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

They shared a glass of champagne and fed each other some grapes.

Someone had placed a soft rug and comforter on the floor of the balcony, and added some comfortable cushions. They leaned against them and snuggled closely together. Looking up at the stars above them, they shared a long moment of content and silent bliss. Rachel leaned in Quinn’s arms.

The blonde raised her arms, circling Rachel’s torso.

_I never imagined this day to be so perfect and calm and joyful and happy. I could burst of happiness and run around grinning and waving my arms wildly,_ she grinned and kissed Rachel on the temple who chuckled.

“That would be a funny picture. Would you run with your clothes on or without?” The brunette teased.

_You only want to see me naked, admit it,_ Quinn answered.

“Hm, yeah, that is definitely a sight I hope to see tonight, Mrs Fabray” Rachel nodded, playing with one of Quinn’s fingers.

_Mrs Fabray…_ Quinn repeated spelling the name. Rachel Fabray.

Then she dropped her hands. Rachel turned, sensing a shift in her wife’s mood.

“What’s wrong?”

The blonde shook her head. _Nothing_. She shrugged. _It’s just…_

“What?” Rachel sat up, frowning.

_I just wish you could hear me saying your name. Rachel Fabray. It really sounds lovely. I wish you could hear me calling you my wife. I wish that you could hear me screaming at the top of my lungs while running around in the garden that I am so happy to be married and to call you my wife._

“While you crazily wave your arms, not to forget,” Rachel added, smiling and trying to lighten the mood again.

_Yes_ , Quinn conceded, giving Rachel a small grin. _That as well._

She understood what Rachel was trying to do. But as much as she had learned to accept Rachel’s deafness and adapting to it, there were moments where it still hit her hard. This was one of them.

Rachel bit her lip. “I know what you mean,” she whispered. “While we were in that church, exchanging the vows, I wished for nothing more than being able to hear your voice.” She sighed. “I think I still remember the sound of it and I imagined you in my head talking to me. But I’ll never know if my imagination is accurate.”

Quinn kissed Rachel gently on the lips, cupping her face with one hand in a comforting manner.

“But I have learned that while it is still okay to wish for something, it’s not healthy to linger on these wishes if you know they can’t come true. And yes, there is a part of me and always will be a part of me that wishes in certain moments that I could hear. I mean, it’s generally something I wish all of the time, but you know what I mean.”

Quinn nodded. _Moments like this just make the wish more prominent._

“Yes. It’s okay to say it and to admit that we feel that way. I would be lying to say that I didn’t have my share of regrets when thinking about today. Not because of the marriage or the ceremony,” she added hastily. “More because of what I might be missing out.” She looked down and played again with Quinn’s fingers.

B _ut you are going to tell me that we should not linger on this, because it will make us all sad?_ Quinn’s hands formed the question, after she carefully had entangled herself from Rachel’s caresses.

Rachel smiled. “Yes. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t take your words seriously. I just don’t want to have this beautiful, beautiful day end on a sad note.”

_You’re right. We have so many happy things to think about for today._ Quinn stated. _And to look at,_ she then added, wiggling her eyebrows, ogling Rachel in a funny way who started to laugh.

“Do I get to see my wife naked after all?” Rachel asked.

_You might,_ the blonde smiled mischievously and started playing with the zipper of Rachel’s dress.

“This might be easier if we stand up, don’t you think?” The brunette got up and pulled Quinn with her.

They entered the living area of the beautiful suite and then rushed into the bedroom. All of a sudden, nothing else seemed to exist than the two of them. Rachel lifted her long hair and Quinn quickly peeled her out of the dark garment. While still stepping out of the dress that now lay forgotten on the floor, the petite woman already fiddled with Quinn’s. They soon had rid themselves of all things that hindered them touching each other’s skin.

As in the other rooms, candles had been lit and bathed both women in a warm and soft light. Quinn marveled at the dark golden hue shimmering over Rachel’s body, and she softly traced a forefinger over her wife’s - she still had to get used to that, she through smiling – abdomen. She saw the muscles ripple under Rachel’s skin and admired the perfection that lay before her.

Slowly she bent down and started kissing the round breasts, flicking her tongue softly around the nipples, feeling a heat between her legs rise when listening to the soft moans her actions produced. She looked up and found Rachel watching her. Quinn knew that Rachel often didn’t close her eyes. She preferred to watch the blonde, not being able to hear her. With other partners, it had always disturbed her, but with Rachel, it turned her even more on. She raised her own hazel eyes and returned the intense look. Both women had a way of communicating through their eyes that often didn’t need words. It was as if they had developed a language of their own. Not consciously, but when communicating, due to Rachel’s disability, they had learned to keep constant eye contact and over time, Quinn had noticed that she often knew what Rachel was going to say before she actually uttered a word. She had learned to relay also on reading more body language and facial expressions.

Both had already been good at that due to their professions, but their close relationship seemed to have enhanced their abilities to express and read body language.

Quinn straddled Rachel’s legs, facing her. Then she bent down, never breaking eye contact and kissed her way down the other woman’s belly, then her left leg. Her hands wiggled slightly under Rachel’s buttocks and squeezed them gently, again causing her wife to moan in the most delicate way. It was a mixture of pleasure and longing, clearly begging for more. When she made her way up again, slowly covering every inch with kisses and little nips, she felt Rachel’s hands on her head, gently pulling her up for a real kiss. Their lips and tongues connected and became more passionate by the second. Rachel raked her hands through Quinn’s hair pulling her even closer.

Some strands came loose and fell in soft waves around her face. After a moment they had to break apart for air, only to continue demonstrating their love for each other a moment later. Rachel rolled Quinn on her back and then straddled her, leaning a bit forward on her arms. Then she started to slowly grind her lower body against Quinn’s, causing the other woman to moan. Rachel’s arms touched the blonde’s rip cage and she felt the vibration and watched the sound escape her lips. The singer squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to get reign on her feelings, but Rachel’s slow and intense movements only managed to arouse her more.

Quinn forced herself to open her eyes, giving Rachel a chance to see in her eyes what she couldn’t hear. The brown eyes connected with her and were filled with such passion and love and desire that the blonde almost had an orgasm just from looking at them.

“You’re so beautiful, Rachel,” she managed to say and sign. “You’re … even …. more so…”

Rachel managed between gasps, never interrupting her undulating movements. She watched Quinn’s hands stroke her breasts and when she gently squeezed her nipples, Rachel threw her head back.

“Oh Quinn,” was all she managed to utter, before both women felt the tidal wave of an orgasm wash through them at the same time.

Rachel bucked and Quinn’s back arched upwards, both women currently lost in their own seventh heaven. When the spasms finally ebbed away, Rachel collapsed on Quinn, both still breathing heavily. “I want to feel you inside of me,” Rachel whispered once she trusted that her voice would sound steady. She felt Quinn nod against her, her chin touching the top of her head that lay on Quinn’s torso.

They took another few moments to let the aftermaths of this first orgasm run through their bodies, before they increased their caresses again. They tried each other, they explored each other and tasted each other like never before. They were discovering each other as a married couple, and it felt as if this bond had only enforced and strengthened their love and desire for each other. They opened up and gave everything, not holding back one second and never doubting the other.

They exchanged love vows and verbal caresses – sometimes Rachel reading them from Quinn’s lips, sometimes Quinn signing, sometimes she wrote them with a finger on Rachel’s skin. No matter how, she made always sure, Rachel would understand. Nothing was left unsaid and nothing was held back, much like the words that had been given to them during the ceremony. Only in the early morning hours they finally fell into a deep slumber, completely sedated and glowing with life, happiness and love.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Glee or its original characters.  
> Thanks again to my beta reader Oracleismyname. You were a great help!!!

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

**Chapter 10**

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Two days later, early on Saturday morning, Quinn shot up from the banging at the door. Before she could take a look at the watch, the door was thrown open and Santana with a wild bed head stormed inside.

“Get up! Were late, we overslept! Come on, move your butt and get Rachel going as well Fabray, or do you want to be late for your own wedding celebration?”

Quinn opened her mouth, then closed it again, turning to look at the alarm clock on her nightstand. Her heart hammered in her chest from the shock of being pulled out of her sleep so abruptly. Rachel started to stir next to her, sensing the commotion.

The blonde wordlessly reached for the clock and held it up for Santana to see.

“But…,” the Latina sagged onto the foot of the bed.

“No but, it’s five in the morning, Santana.”Quinn yawned as if to make a point. “Go back to bed. We don’t have to get up for another two hours.”

“No shit.”

“Yes shit, Lopez. Didn’t you ever learn to read a watch?”Quinn teased, rubbing her eyes. Rachel sat up and the blonde quickly explained the situation to her, signing.

Rachel snorted. “Didn’t you ever learn to set an alarm clock correctly?”

Santana rolled her eyes. “Jesus, you two really are meant to be together.”She signed along and then explained to Rachel that Quinn had said almost the same.

The brunette laughed. “Well, great minds think alike. Not so great minds do get times confused, it seems.” Then she yawned heartily and moved a little to the edge of the bed, pulling Quinn with her, “Come on.”

She nodded at Santana who boldly plopped down on the other side of the bed, throwing an arm over her eyes.

“Damn, sorry. Guess it is all a bit much.”

“Wow, Santana, I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that,” Quinn teased.

“Well, all that planning and making sure everyone and everything is at the right place at the right time is quite a responsibility. Times two, with your changed plans.”Her friend complained in a good natured way. Santana then turned and propped her head into her hand, looking at her friends. “Afraid of what your family will say?”she tried to sign with one hand, then gave up and used both.

“Guess we’ll find out soon, enough, won’t we?” Rachel piped up, before she snuggled against Quinn’s back, enjoying a couple of minutes more of solitude before the onslaught of the day filled with celebration began.

“Oh yes, we will,”Quinn mumbled and exchanged a look with Santana who raised her eyebrows.

“You know, as long as you are happy with your decision, then everything is okay. I’m sure you’ll find a way to explain this to your folks. If not, I’m still here to help out,” Santana wiggled her eyebrows and flexed her muscles, making Rachel and Quinn laugh.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 “You eloped?” Judy asked incredulously.

“Well, not quite. We are still here, aren’t we,” Quinn answered quietly.

“But…you got married without us? Why? When? I mean…Why all this fuss with the whole celebration if you didn’t want to have us there in the first place?” Judy threw a disbelieving look between Rachel, Quinn and her other daughter Francine.

Quinn and Rachel had gathered their family members around the table after they all had arrived Friday afternoon from various corners of the country. Santana leaned against the counter, showing her support for her two friends. After all she had been the only person to have known the secret.

Rachel’s dads also sat at the dining table together with the rest of the family, digesting the news.

Hiram had to suppress a grin and got elbowed by his husband. Apparently he didn’t see it as tragic as Judy. He was disappointed as well, but somehow felt that this was something his little girl would do, never playing entirely by the rules.

“What does elope mean?” Beth piped up innocently. She and her mother had also arrived a day before the originally planned wedding in order to have enough time to get ready for the big feast. Shelby shushed her, but the girl still looked questioningly at the newlyweds. Francine, who stood next to the small blonde bent down whispering her explanation into the little one’s ear.

Beth’s jaw dropped. “You already got married?” The big blue eyes became even bigger when she looked at Quinn and Rachel.

“Yes!” Judy exclaimed, throwing her hands up. Then her gaze softened when it fell on her granddaughter. She looked so much like Quinn when she was little, it was amazing. Like twins, only at different times. “Yes, Beth, they already got married,”she explained then a bit calmer in order not to confuse or frighten the girl.

“So that’s also why changed the plan and asked us to come on Friday not Thursday as originally planned,” Francine, Quinn’s sister stated, smiling a little. She had been surprised as well about the news. She could understand her sister, but also understood her mother’s disappointment.

Quinn interpreted her sister’s words for Rachel, then sighed.

“Mom, can we explain, please?” Quinn looked at everyone gathered around the table, collecting her thoughts. “We did want all of you there and originally we did plan to get married on the boat. But…But few weeks ago Rachel and I had a talk and…and we both noticed that after all we’ve been through the last few years, to get married and commit to each other was something so holy and private that we wanted to have this moment just for the two of us.”

Even though Quinn had interpreted all her words, Rachel felt she had to jump in.

“Judy, dads, please don’t think we didn’t want to share this moment with you. We thought very hard and long about it and what it would mean for you to be excluded from the actual ceremony.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “We just wanted the actual ceremony to be all about us and all for us, with no need to worry about anything else during that moment. It’s hard for me sometimes, with trying to watch someone interpret for me and focus on exactly what’s happening. We didn't want any distractions. We wanted to focus on each other. As we walked hand-in-hand along the aisle in the small chapel, we got exactly what we'd hoped for. It was intimate; we were so close and there was such a holy atmosphere. I understand that it’s disappointing for all of you not having been able to witness this. But believe that we are happy and proud and we still want to celebrate our union with all of you and our friends.”

Quinn added: “Sometimes a relationship has dramatic issues that your friends and family know about. We had a few rather large bumps in the road and in the end, in the most intimate moments, we managed to overcome those. This is why we chose to have this important moment to ourselves. It's hard to share a moment with your significant other when a hundred other people are watching you, waiting for certain reactions. And I know that Rachel is still not very comfortable in large crowds, so for us this was the best way to share our vows. After all, this is about us, for us. Eloping allowed us to focus completely on the promises we were making to one another and say them our way.”

Rachel nodded and kissed Quinn on the cheek. “But we know that all of you and our friends have also been very important for us on the road we traveled; this is why we didn’t want to bail out of a real celebration. And…” she looked at Santana and nodded. The Latina jumped in.

“They knew how hard it would be for you to miss out on the key moment, so we filmed the ceremony. They still had their privacy, but at least you can share it and they can share their important day with you this way.”

Judy leaned back in her chair. “Now I know why you always called it the wedding reception and not the actual wedding. I should have known.” She looked up at the two women.

Quinn still saw the disappointment and hurt in her mother’s eyes, but there was also something else.

Judy slowly stood and then gathered Rachel and Quinn into her arms.

“My god, my little girl is married,” she laughed as the tears spilled down her cheeks. “Congratulations you two!” She kissed them both on the cheeks. “Well, I am very proud of you. And I love you both.”

“So we are still going to have a party?” Beth piped up gain and made everyone laugh.

“Yes Beth, we are still going to have one hell of a party,” Santana grinned and ruffled the girl’s hair.

The tension in the room seemed to dissipate slowly. Hiram and Leroy also got up to gather their daughter and daughter-in-law for a hug.

Hiram laughed, after he hugged Rachel. “You little sneak! I should have known that nothing that you do is ordinary! There always has to be a little drama. That hasn’t changed.”

His signing had become very good and Rachel was happy that she could have fluent conversations with her fathers again. That hadn’t been easy in the beginning.

Rachel also laughed and drew her dad back into a hug.

“Well, you know me too well. I hope you are not angry,” she mumbled against his chest. Hiram looked down and then stepped back a little to sign. Leroy also looked confused.

“Why would I be angry?” He asked back. “You found love, you found the courage to accept it and to live up to it. You have overcome so much, pumpkin, how could we be angry at you? You explained why you did it. We understand that. Of course we would have loved to be part of that special moment, but the most important thing is that _you_ are happy. And if we get a glimpse of that moment, even if only on screen, we will be part of it somehow.”

Leroy chimed it: “And as long as we still get to celebrate with you, everything will be fine! Speaking of which, where is the champagne?” He shouted the last question and Santana rushed to the fridge to pull the bottle out. Quickly she and Quinn placed the glasses on the counter and the group toasted the two women.

Then everyone wanted to see the rings, of course, and the family admired the simple, but beautiful design and meaning behind it.

Shelby also gathered her daughter into her arms in a more quiet moment after the whole excitement had died down a bit.

_I_ _’_ _m so happy for you Rachel! You_ _’_ _ve come a long way, but you never let yourself be defeated. I know I haven_ _’_ _t been there for you part of the way, but I am also very happy that we are closer now than ever. Also because of Beth._ Shelby rested her hands for a moment and Rachel looked at the lively blonde girl.

“I know that we will have “the talk”with her soon.” Rachel turned back to Shelby. “I’m sure that if we explain it right, she will understand. She knows that we all love her. But you two are right, it does not make sense to wait any longer.” Rachel looked around the room again. “I have a great family, no matter how unconventional it is,”she laughed, waving at the crowed, making Shelby smile as well.

Beth came over to hug the brunette after she had showered the other bride with her affection. She waved her little hands and started signing. “You know, I think you’ll make great parents, when you have kids of your own. Your dads are great. I like them. They are just like you two, only the other way around. And look, you have become a great person!” She hugged Rachel again.

Rachel swallowed at so much insight and intelligence the girl displayed. “Thank you sweetie. That’s …a nice thing to say.”

Before she could add anything the blonde bounced off again, leaving a teary eyed Rachel and Shelby in her wake.

“She is something,” Rachel then said, laughing and wiping a stray tear away.

_Well, I guess it really doesn_ _’_ _t matter if you are a single parent, a gay or lesbian couple, straight , hearing or deaf. You can always raise your child to become a great person with the right intentions._

Shelby smiled wistfully at Rachel who just nodded slowly

After the initial surprise and commotion had died down and talks came to the organization of the party the next day, Francine pulled Quinn into a corner.

“Hey sis, let me give you a hug as well,” she said and embraced her sibling. “I’m proud of you, Quinn,”she whispered and pulled back to look at her younger sister. “You’re lucky to have found someone like Rachel. I wasn’t sure if you’d ever let someone close to you again the way our father treated you.”

Quinn nodded. “For a long time I was always afraid that the person I would give my heart would hurt me and leave me again. I believe it wasn’t easy for Rachel in the beginning. I doubted myself a lot. But somehow I also knew that this was it. It was either Rachel or no one.”

“It must have been hard when she left you that Christmas before last,” Francine recalled. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up. Especially not, when you are now so happy together.”

“It’s okay,”Quinn shrugged. “It’s part of our past. Luckily we managed to make up and clarify things. And especially in Rachel’s case I understand that circumstances were anything but easy. And you know, even though the first months were very rocky, I’m sort of glad we –how shall I say, got these things out of the way rather sooner than later. You know what I mean?”

Francine nodded. “Yes, I do. This little woman has quite some strength in her. I definitely know that I would not have sailed thought all this the way she did. I’d still be a total wreck. I really admire her. And you. It can’t always be easy with such a disability.”

“No, but we manage. We openly talk about things, that helps a lot. And over time you find a routine and you think less and less about it. It just becomes part of you. I asked millions of questions in the beginning and Rachel patiently answered every one of them,” Quinn laughed. “That really helped me in understanding what was going on and how I could support her. But you know, it’s not just that I’m helping her, she also gives me such strength and support, I don’t know how I could have ever lived without her, sappy me!”Quinn chuckled again.

“Wow, never would have thought of you being the sentimental type, Quinn,” Francine smiled. “But regarding all the questions, I still remember how you kept asking me so many things about my first school day and later about other things. Sometimes I wanted to tape your mouth shut so you would stop grilling me. You know, mom and dad and I used to call you the ‘question mark’. You always had this particular expression when another one of your questions was due. One of us would then say ‘Look, here comes the little question mark again’,” Francine laughed at the memory.

“And I remember how you kept throwing your books at me because you wanted me to shut up!”

“Oh yes, I remember that too,” Judy chimed in. “I grounded you both for a day. You, Quinn, because you kept pestering your sister even though I had told you to lay off for a while and you, Frannie, for throwing things at your sister,” their mother chuckled.

“Oh yes, Rachel was also very good at that,” Leroy stated and quickly explained to Rachel what Judy had said.

“I didn’t throw things!” Rachel exclaimed.

“No, you just stomped your food and stormed out of the room like a Tasmanian devil,” Santana grinned and earned herself a slap on the arm from Rachel.

“Hey, which side are you on?”

“The truth’s,” Santana replied and dodged another slap.

“Hmf,”Rachel grumbled. “I only threw a plate once. And I didn’t aim it at anyone in particular,” she then stated.

Quinn turned and looked at her wife with a raised eyebrow. “How come I don’t know about that?”She then threw a look at Hiram and Leroy, pulling them aside. “I believe we still have some things to talk about!”

“Oh this is how this works now that we are married! You get to pull my dads away to spill all the little secrets about me?” Rachel shouted after them, but the trio just chuckled. Judy decided to jump in. She pulled Rachel close, scribbling something on a piece of paper.

_You know, I also have quite a few more details to spill about Quinn, if you want to hear them._

Rachel laughed. “If I _want_ to?” She asked incredulous. “You’re on!”

The group spent the rest of the afternoon exchanging stories about the girls’ childhoods, their own marriages and general stuff. In between Quinn made to phone calls to get some last things organized for the next day.

Santana’s girlfriend Teresa came also over in the evening and together they all ordered pizza, before the guests drove back to their hotel. They’d gather again in the morning for a breakfast together before taking cabs to the harbor in the early afternoon.

Later in bed, Rachel let her index finger travel gently across Quinn’s features.

“You think it went ok today?” She asked with a little frown.

Quinn opened her eyes. _Yes, I think it did. We knew it would shock them a little. But I believe they understood why we did it and accepted it. Don_ _’_ _t you?_

“Yeah, I think so too. Your mom had the hardest time. But I guess it all consoled them a little to know that we taped it at least. It was also surprising that they all decided to watch it with the rest of the guests tomorrow evening. Not even your mom wanted to see the video before.”

_True. But I guess that_ _’_ _s because this way she gets more the real wedding congregation feeling with the crowd tomorrow. That wouldn_ _’_ _t be the case if she had already seen the video before,_ Quinn chuckled. _That calls for a lot of tears and tissues._

“I’m excited about tomorrow. Happy to see all our friends and the rest of our families again. I’m also a little nervous, but I hope it’s going to be another beautiful day.”

Rachel turned further to Quinn and kissed her.

“You are so beautiful. I love you!”

_I love you too, my gorgeous wife,_ Quinn answered smiling.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The celebration took place as planned.

All of the guests had been astonished that Quinn and Rachel had already gotten married, but most had taken the news well. They still got to celebrate with them their special day and that was what counted most.

Quinn, Rachel and the rest of their families gathered on the boat around one o’clock in the afternoon on Saturday. The guests were to arrive at three. That gave them enough time to check that everything was in okay and organized.

The boat was decorated with pink, purple and white flowers that matched Quinn’s and Rachel’s dresses. They had decided to wear the same ones again that they had worn during their ceremony. This way it would bring the exchange of vows a bit closer, even if only on tape.

Little bouquets adorned the railing and bistro tables that stood on one side. In the front, slightly to the right of the ship’s bow the instruments for the band had been set up already. In front of the instruments was left some room for dancing. Further in the back comfortable lawn deck seats and couches invited the guest to sit. Surely later on in the evening, after the dinner, the dining tables that stood in the middle of the huge deck would be pushed to the side to give more room for the dancers.

The first guests already arrived a little early. Rachel just discussed with the head waiter the final schedule of the day, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and found a widely grinning Mercedes standing in front of her.

“Mercedes!” Rachel shouted and alerted Quinn to their first visitors. She wrapped her arms around the other woman and hugged her. “It’s so good to see you again! I’m so happy that you managed to come!”

Mercedes held up a finger and quickly fished a pad and pen out of her handbag.

_I moved heaven and earth to come here. My producer threatened me with cancelling my contract, but when he realized that I wouldn_ _’_ _t back down, he let me go. Not without plenty of grumbling. But nothing would have let me miss this wedding!_ She wrote on the paper.

“I really, really hoped you would be able to come.” Rachel and Mercedes hugged again, until Quinn pulled Mercedes out of Rachel’s arms into her own.

“Hey girl! Welcome to New York!” Quinn smiled.

Artie rolled up next in his wheelchair with his girlfriend in tow. “Yo girls!” He greeted them.

“Artie!”Quinn exclaimed, rushing over to greet the next guest and old friend. She bent down to hug him, then shook hands with the young women beside him.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Quinn. And this flying purple cloud,” she pointed at Rachel who came running to hug her old Glee Club friend, “is Rachel, my wife.”

Artie’s girlfriend took the offered hand. “Nice to meet you and thank you for inviting me as well. I’m Sarah.”

Rachel straightened up again after hugging Artie and also shook Sarah’s hand.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Rachel is deaf,” Artie stated nonchalantly while Quinn interpreted.

“Hi I’m Rachel,” the brunette greeted the other women and then arched an eyebrow at Artie’s comment who only shrugged with a grin. He was saved from a comment by Mercedes.

“I’m so happy to see you, old man!” She greeted him. “This feels like a Glee Club reunion, with Puck, Kurt and Blaine and Santana also coming!”

Quinn shortly pulled Rachel aside. _Not that you bail out on me again, ok?_ She half teased.

Rachel looked at her friends and back to Quinn, kissing her on the full lips. “No way. Never again. You’re stuck with me, Fabray.”

Artie came over, waving them closer. “Did everything go well? I gave Santana my equipment and showed her how to set it up correctly to get the best angle. She didn’t say exactly what she needed it for, but I put two and two together,” their old friend who had taken on a career in film making looked at them with a conspiratorial expression on his face. Quinn interpreted.

“Well, let’s say everything went well and you’ll see the result later,” Rachel informed him and grinned. “Thank you for the help, Artie,”she quickly squeezed his shoulder while he nodded and held a thumb up.”

“Glad to be of help,” he said simply and moved back to Sarah who was talking to Mercedes in the meantime.

Rachel found the head waiter again and quickly went over the list with him before more guests arrived. With final instructions she packed the paper away, straightened her dress and took a deep breath.

Next she saw Kurt and Blaine coming up the gangway and she was relieved to see them. She wouldn’t have missed her best friend in the world for this celebration. Besides, she knew Kurt would help out interpreting whenever he could.

_Rachel, wow, you look stunning!_ Kurt managed to sign, before the two friends hugged.

“Thank you. You two are very handsome as well,”the brunette complimented the couple.“Hello Blaine,” she greeted Kurt’s other half. Blaine wore a normal tie for a change from the ever present bow tie he used to wear in high school. It gave him a much more mature look. Kurt looked as extravagant as ever in his ensemble.

“This location is incredible. How on god’s earth have you found this?” Blain asked after the greetings. He looked around the boat and was deeply impressed. Behind them came Lauren and Max, the four of them had shared a cab.

Lauren and Rachel hugged for a long time.

_Wow, your dress looks really nice!_ Rachel told her friend just by signing when she saw her in a yellow-white, short dress.

_You look very nice yourself!_ She then complimented the bride.

_Thank you,_ Rachel answered. _I_ _’_ _m so happy to see you!_

_I can imagine, with all these hearing people you might want some deafie support,_ Lauren joked and made Rachel laugh. Quinn came over. She had seen the last comment. _Come on, we_ _’_ _re not that bad,_ she stated, before she hugged the newcomers.

“Naaaah,” Lauren said and continued signing, _You_ _’_ _re okay I guess,_ the black haired young woman teased.

Quinn rolled her eyes. _Just ok? Who invited these unfriendly people?_ She then asked looking pointedly at Rachel.

“Behave, Quinn,”Rachel admonished her with a twinkle in her eyes. “Lauren, Max, come on board and get comfortable. Ignore that blonde brute,”she told her friends while signing along.

While guiding her friends to the tables and other guests, Rachel signed to Lauren: _You_ _’_ _re right. It_ _’_ _s good to have you here. Most of my folks have started to learn sign language, but it is still different for me. I might need some moral support here from someone who can relate._

_Any time, Rachel, you know that!_ Then Lauren lightly bumped the smaller woman with her shoulder. _You_ _’_ _ll be fine. Believe me, with these friends and family, you_ _’_ _ll have a great celebration today._

_I know._

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

When all the guests had arrived and were assembled on the deck, Quinn and Rachel stepped in front of them and made a short announcement. They informed them about the slight change of plans, but that in no way and under no circumstance this meant that the celebration should lack any importance, energy and positive vibes. And, they promised, that they all would actually get to see the exchange of wedding vows.

This consoled most of the guests.

Rachel noticed from their body language and expressions that all were surprised and a bit disappointed, but the promise of a great celebration, wonderful food, drinks and company, not to forget the video, seemed to lift the spirits again.

There had been a moment of silence, after they broke the news, though. Puck then had made his way to the front to hug Quinn and Rachel.

“Wow, that’s quite a stunt you pulled,”he stated laughing. “But somehow it doesn’t surprise me. Congratulations!”

Quinn interpreted for Rachel. Then Puck scribbled something on a piece of paper.

_You_ _’_ _ll watch out for my little girl_ _’_ _s mom, right?_ He looked at Rachel with sincere eyes.

The brunette smiled. “You know I will. I always will,” she answered just as sincere.

“And you,” he pointed at Quinn, “you will make sure that Rachel never misses a beat! Promise!”

Quinn chuckled. “I promise. You know that.”

He nodded. “Good!” He rubbed his hands together. “Now that we have covered this, let the party begin!”

Rachel tugged at Quinn’s dress when Puck turned and walked away to make room for other guests to congratulate them.

“What did he say to you?” She whispered.

Quinn lifted her hands. _Guess the same he said to you. That we have to watch out for each other._ And she repeated his exact words.

Rachel shook her head fondly and showed her piece of paper to Quinn. “Guess we’ll have someone to watch over us that we do this right, huh?” She half joked.

_Yes, seems that way._ Quinn looked at Puck who lifted a glass of champagne in a toast when he saw his former girlfriend watching him.

The other guests followed suite and someone shouted a salute and the rest chimed in.

Then the whole crowed rushed forward to congratulate the couple as well.

After the formalities were dealt with the festivities started with coffee and cake and continued with more toasts.

The afternoon wore on and the guests lounged on the comfortable chairs and deck sofas, chatting, enjoying the food and the breeze.

The boat had left the harbor after every guest was accounted for. They would cruise along the coast for a while before mooring back in the harbor much later in the evening.

The sun glinted off the water, sea gulls flew across their heads and everything just seemed perfect.

After coffee, when the day slowly wore on into the early evening, waiters served aperitifs and other drinks, rearranging the dinner tables.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

Later that night, when it was dark, a screen was lowered at the front of the boat and the happy couple shared the actual ceremony with their guests during dinner.

Very few people were still upset to have been left out after watching the video; most understood Quinn’s and Rachel’s need for privacy and also found it very courageous to have gone through with it.

Across the table Rachel saw her father Hiram hand Judy a tissue so she could dab the tears away. Even though the guests only saw the ceremony on screen instead of in real life, it came across that it had been a very intimate and loving moment.

The beautiful church room only backlit with candles, the yellow sandstone reflecting the warm light, the two women in their beautiful gowns exchanging the vows…all this created a beautiful atmosphere that enveloped all. Candles flickered on the tables and helped transport the mood from the church onto the ship.

Santana sidled up to Quinn who sat next to her. She placed an arm around her friend’s shoulders and pulled her close for a moment.

“You two did the right thing, Q,” she whispered. “This couldn’t have been any more perfect.”

“Thank you.”Quinn answered, also whispering and placed her head on Santana’s arm for a moment. Thank you for getting Artie to help you set everything up. Thank you so much for your help us with all this.”

“Aw, Q, come on, you know I do everything for the people I love,” Santana grinned sheepishly.

Rachel leaned forward a bit and threw a look at the two friends next to her, placing a finger on her lips. “Shhhh,” she uttered with a playful reproachful look.

Santana rolled her eyes and signed: _That_ _’_ _s about right that the only deaf person here is bothered by the noise._

Quinn elbowed her while Rachel answered: “First of all, I’m not the only one here, and secondly, shut up, Santana!”

That made the Latina laugh.

Their friendship had come a long and hard way. But the little banter showed how far they had come. The tall and dark haired woman switched her position and moved her chair next to Rachel, hugging her.

_I love you too, Rachel._

Rachel just hugged Santana back and fiercely squeezed her against her own body for a moment.

When the little film was finished, Artie eyes sought Rachel’s and when he received a short nod, he quickly gathered a little group who took up the instruments.

Rachel took Quinn’s hand. The guests seemed to feel that something was in the air and fell quiet. The brunette’s words: “May I have this dance?” were heard clearly by each and every one.

“Awww,” Judy sighed and grabbed Francine’s hand. “I didn’t think they would do that, you know, with Rachel…” she waved her free hand at her ears.

Hiram next to her chuckled. “Well, you’ll find that our daughter will always surprise you.”

Rachel weaved her way through the crowd with Quinn in her tow to the front and nodded again towards Artie, who had taken up a seat behind the drums. He held up his fingers and counted to three. Then Rachel felt the first beat of the drum reverberating through her cells. Puck stood behind the microphone, with Mercedes bringing up the rear. Two other friends stood at the keyboard and guitar.

When Quinn heard the first beats, a smile spread across her whole features. She shook her head and kissed Rachel, who whispered: “You lead” as the tunes of _Maid of Orleans_ from Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark floated up in the air.

It wasn’t a typical wedding love song, but the rhythm with the drums was just perfect for Rachel. And the wooden planks sent the vibrations along from the instruments right up to her feet and she felt it pulsing in her chest. It wasn’t hard to follow Quinn’s lead through that waltz.

Quinn had always loved the song, which was why Rachel had requested it for their first dance.

Both women looked at each other, forgetting everything else around them. The only thing that existed at that moment was them and their love for each other. They knew that whatever might come, they would always manage. They were meant for each other.

“I love you!”both whispered at the same time as the music still flowed around them and sealed their words with a passionate kiss.

Everything felt right.

The walls that Rachel had erected around her, had crumbled some time ago. In their place she and Quinn had started building a new home. A place where there would always be an open door for friends and family.

Rachel embraced Quinn and knew she did not only embrace her soul mate and love of her life, but life itself.

A sentence was projected onto the screen after video had finished for all to see as they danced. Rachel’s eyes skimmed across it and it struck a chord inside her chest. She noticed that Quinn had also read it and both knew that it described their path perfectly.

_And one day came the moment, where the risk to stay closed in a hard bud was more painful than the risk to bloom_

_Anais Nin_

 

  **~~~ ~~~ ~~~**

The end.

**~~~ ~~~ ~~~**


End file.
